So, is this a good idea?
Now, I guess Batman can fit into a fighting game, but what other DC characters would work? In Mortal Kombat, you kill each other, and the only reason many of the DC superheroes have any challenge at all is they try to avoid killing people. Otherwise for the game you’ll just have Superman standing there while Liu Kang whales away on him until he gets bored and then flicks him into the sun. Then Superman will use his super hearing to track down the “Finish him!” guy and kill him to see how he likes it.
Then again, there will even be an imbalance with just Batman if he’s portrayed accurately. Sub-Zero will freeze Batman, but by the time he reaches Batman, he’ll catch a boomerang in the head because Batman will have thawed himself out using an anti-magical ice formula he has on his utility belt that he put there just in case one day he got sucked into the Mortal Kombat universe and had to fight Sub-Zero. Batman is crazy prepared like that. If Johnny Cage does the splits and tries to punch Batman in the crotch, that will not turn out well… for Johnny Cage. You do not pull that @#$% on Batman. He’ll see it coming and you’ll catch a boomerang to the head. There’s pretty much nothing you can do to Batman he isn’t prepared for and ready to counteract so he can throw a boomerang at your head. Once the Justice League tried to pull a surprise party for him, but he swung in through the window and threw boomerangs at all their heads.
Of course, the main question I have is will Aquaman be in it. If that’s true, I will go out and buy and Xbox 360 right now. That will be so awesome. I hope he has a fatality where he hits you with a whale.
Archive of entries posted on 19th April 2008
Help for Obama
My Magic Negro Barack really screwed up in the recent debate on ABC (NYT login & password available from BugMeNot).
Since the MSM has no imagination, he’ll be getting these same questions over and over again, and I’d like to see him better prepared next time. As a courtesy to the only hope for the future of America, I offer this cheat sheet of:
condensed versions of the questions (links provided so you can check my accuracy),
[his ACTUAL boiled down answer], and
the correct answer.
1) Why won’t you promise to take Mrs. Clinton as your running mate if you win the nomination?
[Because I haven’t won the nomination yet – DUH!]
Two words: Mondale-Ferraro.
2) Do you understand that you offended people with your “bitter & clingy” remark?
[Did I say bitter & clingy? I meant angry and frustrated & clingy]
No one was offended except racist, Christian gun-owners, or – as I like to call them – Republicans.
3) A simple yes or no question: Do you think Senator Clinton can beat McCain?
[In 474 words – “Yes”.]
Only if she ties him to a chair and uses a tire iron.
4) Why did it take so long for you to distance yourself from the offensive remarks of Reverend Jeremiah Wright?
[I was too busy being a uniter across racial divides.]
Because hanging with that righteous brother gave me more black street cred than starring in a Fifty Cent video.
5) What will you do when videos of Wright are played over and over during the rest of the campaign season?
[Start talking about health care.]
Lock in 100% of the black vote.
6) Given her statements about Bosnian sniper fire, do you believe Senator Clinton has been fully truthful about her past?
[She made a mistake. Income inequality is the highest it’s been since the 1920’s. Also, I stand for change.]
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!WHOOOOOO!HAHAHAHAHA!…(continue laughing for at least five minutes)…hahaha snort chuckle (wipe streaming tears)… yes… yes I do.
7) Why won’t you wear an American Flag lapel pin?
[I wore one just the other day during a photo op. Don’t question my patriotism.]
I respect the flag, but I also respect my $1500 Armani suit too much to poke a hole in the lapel.
8) During your state senate campaign, you held an organizational meeting at the home of a domestic terrorist who bombed the Pentagon in the 70’s. Can you explain why your relationship with this man won’t be a problem during your campaign for President?
[Being friends with bad people doesn’t make you a bad person. Besides, I’m friends with LOTS of evil people. Republicans, for example.]
Hell-ooooo! I’m a DEMOCRAT! Hanging out with violent hippie terrorists is a resume enhancer in this party.
9) Are you going to withdraw troops from Iraq even if it would undo all the gains we’ve made in that country?
[Yes]
Yes, because that way I’ll lock in 100% of the crazy Muslim terrorist vote, too.
10) Should it be US policy to treat an Iranian attack on Israel as an attack on the US?
[Iran won’t attack because I’ll ask them really nicely not to.]
No, because Israel is much better at killing Muslims than we are. We’d just be in the way.
11) Will you read-my-lips pledge not to increase taxes of any kind for anyone earning under $200,000 a year?
[Yes… no… sort of… except for capital gains taxes and maybe some other stuff.]
I won’t increase taxes. I’ll just close loopholes and repeal Bush’s cuts. Totally different animal.
12) Is the D.C. handgun ban consistent with the 2nd Amendment?
[Yes, because ALL Constitutional rights are subject to government regulation.]
Yes, because it doesn’t prohibit the use of flintlocks by militias.
13) How specifically would you recommend changing affirmative action policies so that affluent African Americans are not given advantages, and poor, less affluent whites are?
[Colleges should have a goal of a specific number of each type of person, just without quotas.]
By raising taxes on black people making over $200,000 a year.
14) What are you going to do about gas prices?
[Threaten oil companies with investigations and taxes.]
Send them soaring through the roof with a combination of obliviously short-sighted foreign policy in the Middle East and monumentally blinkered economic policy at home. And that bracelet is to remind me to ask myself “What Would Jimmah Do?”
15) How would you use George W. Bush if you were president?
[Ask him for his dad’s phone number.]
Like Hitler used the Jews. Wait… sorry, I mangled that one… I just meant as a scapegoat to advance my political career.
16) Why are you the better candidate and more electable in November?
[70-year-old women like me a lot.]
Hoping and changing and black, oh my!