A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 20 – Solo

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“They are moving the cube now,” Lulu’s said through Doug’s earpiece. “They are walking it to the train station. We’re heading there now but you’re the only two guaranteed to be there in time.”
“Crap,” Bryce uttered as he rushed out the Chinese restaurant.
Doug was holding their bag of food they just paid for. “What about the food?”
“Forget the food!” Charlene screamed.
Doug dropped the bag and ran out the door after Bryce. “Should we try and slow them down?” Bryce asked.
“Negative,” Lara responded. “We don’t want to spook them and get a shootout in public. We need to tail them to somewhere more private. Let’s just find out what train they are taking and get on it.”
Doug had caught up to Bryce who had slowed to a more inconspicuous pace as they neared the train station. “Tailing them could be a problem,” Bryce said. “Handler could recognize me.”
“Have the idiot do it,” Lara stated. “You can get on the train when we find which one it is.”
“The bug on Handler is getting… well, buggy all of a sudden,” Lulu said. “We can’t rely on it getting the info for us. All we need is Doug to make sure we know whether it’s the Northbound or the Southbound… and he better not screw it up or we’ll strangle him.”
Doug and Bryce reached the train station. “How many are we looking for?” Bryce asked.
“It sounds like they are in a group… five or six maybe,” Lulu said. “They should be there soon.”
Doug and Bryce looked around. “Over there.” Doug tapped Bryce on the shoulder and pointed to a group of five women, Handler at the back carrying a metal case.
“I’m getting out of sight,” Bryce whispered. “Buy tickets, and follow them onto the train.”
It seemed simple enough to Doug. His first problem, though, was when he used a console to buy tickets and it asked for which train and “both” wasn’t an option. He went through the process twice to buy tickets for each and entered the boarding area. Doug got as close as he could to both platforms without committing to either. He then waited for Handler and her group and thought he should look like he was reading something to be inconspicuous. He pulled out the Chinese menu he had in his pocket and looked through it. At this point, Doug was too nervous for anything to look appetizing.
Handler and her group came in. Doug glanced up at them once and then watched them in his periphery as he stared at the menu. They went for the Northbound train. Doug waited a few moments after they passed by him. “Northbound,” he whispered into the receiver at his collar.
Doug walked onto the platform and saw the car they entered. He entered one car behind it. “Did you hear me? They’re on the Northbound train and so am I.”
There was no response.
“Guys?”
Again, no response.
“Guys!?”
A few people in the car were no staring at Doug. Still, there was no response.
“Oh, come on!” he cried and pulled out his phone. No signal. “Crap!” Doug turned to a man near him reading the news. “Could you check if your phone is getting a signal?”
The man pretended not to hear him.
“Jerk.”


“Doug? Doug? Doug!!!” Bryce looked up to see Charlene, Lulu, and Lara running towards him. “What the hell happened to him?”
“Maybe there is interference in there,” Lulu suggested.
“You didn’t see which train they got on?” Charlene asked.
“No. I couldn’t see from here. I actually thought this was something Doug would not screw up.” Bryce nervously ran his hand through his hair as he looked at the clock. “They both leave in about a minute. I guess we can run up and check–”
“No time.” Lara bought tickets off a console. “We’ll just split up.”
They all grabbed the tickets and ran to the boarding area. “Stupid gratuitously flying trains,” Lulu growled.


The train began to move, and Doug felt nauseous. He decided to sit down a moment and collect himself. It was now all up to him, but the money concerned him less that the thought of screwing everything up for his friends.
The train had moved vertically until it was completely above the city. Doug took a glance out the window at the streets below. There was no turning back.
You just have to grab a metal briefcase from five women and get away, Doug told himself. No big deal. You can do this. He started to worry that others might be meeting them at the next stop. He thought about just grabbing the case as soon as they got off and boarding whatever train was leaving the soonest, but they’d probably be able to follow him on if he didn’t time it just right. Still, it was the best idea he had.
He looked towards the entrance to the next car over where Handler and her group were. Doug thought about going over there to try and keep an eye on them, but there was nothing he could do now. He decided it was best to just sit where he was and try to relax while seeing if he could get in contact with the rest of Hellbender.
Handler and the four other women walked into his car. Doug tried not to look at them, but he glanced up once to see Handler was staring right at him. He went back to looking at his shoes, but Handler walked over to him and stood over him while Doug pretended not to notice.
She held a small device in her hand. Suddenly there was a high-pitched squeal in Doug’s radio that caused him to jump to his feet while yanking out the earbud. Doug stared at Handler who smiled back him. “Hello, Doug.”
“Um… who’s Doug,” he said in a quivering voice.
Handler laid her case down on a nearby seat and opened it. She pulled out the cube and tossed it to Doug. He caught it and immediately felt the sense of dread the device exuded. “We know you know something about the cube,” Handler said, “and we want your help with it.”
Doug looked around. Most everyone else in the car was pretending not to notice anything was going on. Jerks. He then looked at Handler’s friends who were all smiling like this was all some big joke. “I really don’t know anything… like at all.”
Handler laughed. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. Now why don’t you sit down and relax while we kill everyone on this train.”
Now people were paying attention. Doug thought maybe he misheard something. “Huh?”
There was a loud crash and the train jerked as if something struck it. Doug was knocked to floor by the force. He then heard gunfire and screaming in other parts of the train as the four women with Handler pulled out short swords and guns. He looked up at Handler in horror. “What the–”
“Haven’t you heard? We’re psychotic,” she laughed. “This is just something we do.”
NEXT

Question

If the economy is so bad, where are all these idiots getting money to give to Obama? You’d think America would have to be practically overflowing with spare cash for this to happen.

Give Me an “Old” Politician Any Day of the Week

Here’s Obama misrepresenting a McCain quote about as dishonestly as possible. With this and the repeated misrepresentation of McCain one hundred years comment, Obama is either very dishonest or very stupid. I lean towards the former, but you can make an argument for the latter.
So what’s all this crap about him being a “new” politician? He has all the stuff we hate about politicians plus no useful experience or accomplishments and social ties that show extremely poor moral judgment — at best. But he’s black so it’s all brand new and exciting! It’s like you hate M&Ms, but you find out they now have added green ones so now you’re all excited to buy a bag. Oh, but when you bite in, you find they’ve replaced the chocolate with rat droppings.
Democrats are stupid.

Democrats Celebrate Extended Primary Season: “Let Every Vote Count!”

HARRISBURG, PA (AP) – Ahead of the Pennsylvania primaries, Democrat Party leaders report that they are thrilled at the possibility of every single state’s primary actually mattering in 2008. The second half of the primary season has been irrelevant since 1952, resulting in millions of essentially disenfranchised voters.

“Let’s take this one to the Convention, baby! EEYEEEEAAAAAH!”

DNC Chairman Howard Dean shared his excitement as it seems more and more likely that every vote will count this year. “The Democrat Party has always been about making sure that every vote counts,” said Dean. “Women, Minorities, Homeless, Mexicans, dead people – everyone should have a voice in choosing a Democrat to lead this nation.”
Former Vice President Al Gore was similarly enthused. “Ever since the 2000 vote in Florida,” said Gore, “the Democrat Party has been adamant that every vote should count. Sometimes two or three times. However, since candidates are normally chosen by February, the people of Pennsylvania and many other states with late primaries have essentially been disenfranchised for decades. I’m delighted that their votes will actually matter this year.”
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sees this year’s extended primary as being “what Democracy is all about”. “We have the male, female, black, and white perspectives all chattering away in a vigorous national dialogue,” said Pelosi. “The only way this could be better is if we had a homosexual voice in the mix. Sadly, Barney Frank won’t run and John Edwards dropped out.”
“I almost feel sorry for the Republicans,” Pelosi added sadly. “With McCain being chosen so early, the Republicans in most states have no voice in choosing who will represent them in Washington. They might as well be living in Cuba, or Soviet Russia, or Massachusetts. Frankly, I see no difference between McCain and Kim Jong Il, since both will get 100% of the vote from their party.”

Pizza Hut Delivery Man Update

James William Spiers III, after defending himself from a robbery with a legally carried firearm, was suspended by Pizza Hut. They have now decided to fire him as Pizza Hut’s policy is that is that unarmed pizza deliverymen “is the safest for everybody”… and by “everybody”, they mean “profit”. It’s perfectly valid for a company to hold profit over the rights and safety of their employees. It might not be the best strategy in the longterm, but I hope that works out for them.

Random Thoughts

I like to check the obituaries to see if anyone was killed by nunchucks.
A fun thing to do with cats is yell, “You’re a paint can!” and then shake them vigorously like you’re a paint mixer.
The first videogame with controversy over excessive violence was the game Asteroids since in the original version, instead of shooting asteroids, you shot babies.
I laugh every time I see a rat because they remind me of Italians.
Ever wonder where all those cars are going in Frogger? And how do they handle an offramp with each lane going a different direction? They should do a game about that.
I think the funniest show that was ever on TV was 21 Jump Street.
If you found that the wardrobe you bought was a portal to the magical world of Narnia, would you keep it or return it to Rooms To Go? Before you answer, remember that you do need someplace to keep your sports jackets where a Satyr can’t steal them.
It’s kinda weird that pretty much all the marsupials are on the faraway island of Australia. It’s like they have some secret they’re hiding. I bet they killed the dinosaurs.
Sometime I wonder if the reason people are crazy liberals is because their parents beat them when they were children. Then I think I might be confusing cause and effect, because if I found out that my kids were liberals, I’d beat them too.
We call the Middle East the Middle East because its the middle of what’s east of us. What do they call it? Middle Here?
I think it would be really cool if they made a stealth train… except for all the fatalities every time it passes through town.