“I hate crackers!”
“Yes, I know,” Barack Obama told Jeremiah Wright. “So does everyone else, so now its time to throw you under the bus.”
Obama Secret Service agents picked up Wright and prepared to toss him under the bus. “But I married you! I baptized your kids!”
“And I appreciate that. Say hi to my grandma when you’re under the bus.”
“But I hate that cracker!” Wright said just before being tossed under the bus.
“Now I need to just clear this up with the press.” Obama walked over and stood up on a podium just as the press was assembling. “I was unaware that Jeremiah Wright was a crazy man,” he told them. “This is something I’ve just become aware of… and not something I ignored previously for political expediency. I totally just found out about it now.”
“So you had no idea in all the time he was your spiritual mentor?” a reporter asked.
“When all the time he advised me about the evil crackers,” Obama said, “I thought he was referring to Ritz crackers. I only recently found out how rich and buttery they are — quite the opposite of evil.”
“But didn’t you quote Wright ranting about ‘white greed’ in your book Dreams from My Father?” another reporter asked.
“I’ve never read that book,” Obama answered. “Far as I know, that book is full of extremism, and I condemn it.”
“But… you wrote it.”
“Someone named Barack Obama wrote it; that’s a very common name. Any other questions.”
“Since before you said you couldn’t disown Wright anymore than you could disown the black community,” a reporter said, “are you now disowning the black community?”
Obama shrugged. “I guess. I never particularly cared for black people, especially now that I finally found out what they are like since Wright gave those interviews.”
“So you really never saw any crazy extremism in the twenty years you went to Trinity?” a reporter asked.
“Well… I’m secretly a Muslim,” Obama replied. “Every time I attended a service at Trinity, the whole time I was not paying attention as I was trying to figure out what direction Mecca was so I could pray towards it.”
“So are we to believe–”
“I think it’s one of those Mecca praying times,” Obama interrupted. “So I’m going to have to go now and do whatever it is Muslims do.”
Michelle Obama walked on stage and asked Barack, “You done talking to those crackers? Why do you even want to be president of this country? I hate it!”
Obama looked back to the press. “By the way, also due to things I’ve just suddenly become aware of, I’m getting a divorce.”
Archive of entries posted on 29th April 2008
Unreasonable Voter Burdens
The Supreme Court upheld requiring voters to present a photo ID, despite the Democratics saying it was an unreasonable burden on the voters and their compelling argument that such a restriction would have kept all the Founding Fathers from voting.
Democratics have many other objections to current voting law than just the photo ID, though.
TOP TEN THINGS THE DEMOCRAT PARTY CONSIDERS UNREASONABLE BURDENS ON VOTERS
10. Can’t urinate on the ballot.
9. Must be able to communicate in at least one language.
8. Can’t mug the person in front of you and still vote.
7. Must go to the voting booth instead of the other way around.
6. Can’t be a cat.
5. Must have pants.
4. Can’t vote twice.
3. Must be alive.
2. Must be a U.S. citizen.
And the number one thing the Democrat Party considers to be an unreasonable burden on voters…
lolterizt! Part 45
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From Geah:
From AlanABQ:
From Xaetognath:
From acrazymic:
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