With all the negatives about Barack Obama’s judgment and personality, you’d think he’d have some great accomplishments to back up his presidential run. Here’s so far the most comprehensive list of them I’ve seen:
BARACK OBAMA’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS
* When he gets his head stuck in a bucket, he can usually get it unstuck fairly quickly.
* He can name all the alter egos of the Flash for all his incarnations.
* Unlike some snobs, he does his own grocery shopping and can accurately quote the current price of organic arugula.
* In college, he held the high score on Centipede.
* He was once in the presence of a gun for five whole minutes without screaming like a little girl.
* He can always tell a Shiite from a Sunni, a skill he uses quite frequently at family reunions. [Ooh! I can’t believe you just went there! -Ed.]
* He once saw a blimp.
* He knows all the lyrics to “Uptown Girl.”
* He’s barely ever been outsmarted by a squirrel.
* He can pat his belly and pat his head at the same time.
* Despite the similarities, he’s never confused his own name for Osama’s.
He is able to maintain friendships with a diverse group of people. Though they are all lawyers and liberals, only some of them are terrorists.
I know I’m getting old but the accomplishment debate seemed familiar. It was.
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed both posts. It was more of a “Gaslight” situation. A, am I really going senile already, moment.
The only thing Obama has accomplished in this campaign is to undo much of the improvement made between races in this county. He has managed to offend most racial groups, as well as religions. He is an equal opportunity offender. I bet his wife and pastor are really proud.
“He was once in the presence of a gun for five whole minutes without screaming like a little girl.”
“He knows all the lyrics to “Uptown Girl.”
Where have I heard this before?
Silky Pony, perhaps?
Let’s see… He can scratch his face with his middle finger while talking about Hillary? (that’s an advanced trick, that one). He can equate any terrorist and any American in the same sentence? Ah, he majored in polemics and knows how to strut onto a stage? He whitens his teeth daily? Oh, I know. His half-black / half-white ancestry gives him a mandate to unite the races, kind of like him… ah… I’ll try to think of some more…
** B.O. can name all of the chicks from Facts of Life.
** He went bowling and shot his high score of 76.
** After he took YAZ, B.O. no longer gets cramps or mood swings… John Edwards gave him that tip.
** B.O. did not wear the lapel pin because of his sensitive nips. He has now learned to use little bandaids.
** B.O. named his pet gerbil Allah so he has an excuse for his proclamations.
** B.O. is able to throw his flatulence like a ventriloquist can throw his voice.
** B.O. once counted to 10.
** B.O. just figured out why they named it the Pentagon.
** B.O. doesn’t understand why his terrorist buddies can’t shave their faces, but they can shave their legs… like he taught them.
He can pat his belly and pat his head at the same time.
This one was my favorite–it caught me off guard.
One legitimate accomplishment of Obama’s is that he has made Hillary Clinton seem like less like the scariest candidate on the ballot. At this point I’m not sure who is worse, but I never thought it would even be close. Hillary seemed untouchable.
He can open locked doors with his freakishly prehensile toes.
He can grow a mustache the envy of all the high school freshman.
After watching CSI a few times, he knows that revolvers do NOT eject their spent cartridges automatically.
He can tie a bow tie for reals.
He knows Louis Farrakhan’s eyeglass prescription.
* He can always tell a Shiite from a Sunni, a skill he uses quite frequently at family reunions. [Ooh! I can’t believe you just went there! -Ed.]
Uh Frank, your personalities are arguing again. It may be time to get some professional help.
responsible for 3 new words. 1. Hange (hoping for change) 2.Chope (changing of hope) 3.Arugalance (superior knowledge of leafy vegetables)
*knows how to refill the ice tray with water
mows the vacant rezko lot next to him for nothing
can open a slimjim without “snapping” into it
through his grandma under the bus for America
Threw his grandma under the bus for America
(they returned the favor)
“He can always tell a Shiite from a Sunni, a skill he uses quite frequently at family reunions.”
On par with absolute Greatness.
Hey, this kick ass, ninja-like adblock thingy?
Dude, I can actually see your writing now instead of all the crap ads. Oops, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything…
* Despite the similarities, he’s never confused his own name for Osama’s.
Which similarities in particular? The “off by one letter” similarities, or the “America must be destroyed” ones?
Didn’t he once pound a nail into a board without smashing his thumb?
No.
This is a very odd day. All of the suggestions listed above are outstanding, IMHO (certainly better than mine). However what I really need is my daily dose of USSJIMMYCARTER !
Ed, God would not permit that to happen! He will be …allowed… to achieve his destiny.
By George.
Finally, just let me say that I am going to miss ussjimmycarter. I guess your death, and the manner thereof, were inevitable, but you left us too soon, buddy.
He can look at public restrooms labeled “Shitte” and “Sunni” and know which one to enter.
Dang it! “Shiite!” A great gag ruined by fat fingers!
“Despite the similarities, he’s never confused his own name for Osama’s.”
That’s actually a pretty big accomplishment. It took me years to spell “brain” correctly on a consistent basis.
I thought this whole blog was Frank’s personalities arguing.
Do these comments actually come from real people?
Barack (none) Obama served as the model for a now-discontinued Pokemon figure.
I think my dyslexia’s kicked in again.
B.O. has managed to completely UNTIE race relations in this country.
USSJimmyC will be missed However his death could’ve been prevented if he’d been more flexible, said head up hind maneuver wouldn’t have been fatal, simply uncomfortable.
“He once saw a blimp”
Blimps are freakin sweet!
“He knows all the lyrics to “Uptown Girl.”
Only because she is the oppressor, so he studies her every move.
Well , some humor has emerged in an election otherwise devoid of humor or common sense and it is Obama who inspired this even if it does seem to bring out the worst of the worst where white bigots are concerned . I am caucasian myself , raised in Sothern California , Orange County for that matter . In the high school days our schools saw no black athletes and I wondered why until I found out that Walt Disney promoted McCarthyism , John Birch was THE way to think and the whole situation deteriorated into complete bigotry of one sort or another . I see now where all those bigoted people went to once Orange County became more racially diverse and they felt uncomfortable in a more balanced society . They became the one liner racial based bloggers on the internet . Barack still remains quite aloof even with the closet based white supremist bigots nipping at his heels constantly and IMO this is quite an accomplishment in it’s own right .