SIERRA MADRE, Calif. (AP) – Despite threatening to destroy hundreds of homes in Southern California, the wildfire burning northeast of Los Angeles today assured voters that it was merely delivering on its promise of change.
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“Even though I’m being attacked by tanker planes as part of the Vast Wet-Wing Conspiracy,” said the conflagration, “I’d like to assure Americans that my only goal here is change. In Bush’s America, millionaires in mansions roll around naked on piles of money from the Bush tax cuts. This causes bitterness among working people, forcing them to cling to water, firefighting equipment, and antipathy towards those with combustion rates different from their own.”
Although some accused the blaze of stealing Obama’s theme of “change”, the voracious flames were quick to disagree. “The big difference between Obama and I is that he goes to these lavish California homes to raise millions, while I plan to raze millions of lavish California homes.”
“And unlike Obama,” continued the wildfire, “I’m not playing the race card here. Black, white, man, woman, gay, straight… it doesn’t matter, because deep inside we’re all Americans who will be charred into the smoking ash of equality as my plan for change sweeps across the state, and hopefully, the nation.”
Republican Presidential candidate John McCain said that, although he opposed the fire’s plan for a hellish nationwide inferno, he did support a scaled-down version, where people would be able to choose their own level of immolation.
I can’t summon the will to pretend this is anything but brilliant satire.
Pulitzer for newsish fakery, Harvey.
Five burning stars, Harvey. Wouldn’t “change” a word, especially that dig at McCain.
“Charred into the smoking ash of equality”
This has been the liberal view of government responsibility for at least the last 45 years.
The California wildfire must be running on the Democratic ticket.
There is one vast difference between Obama and this fire. After this fire moves across an area, there really has been a noticeable change. I’m sure that an Obama victory will bring the same quality of change to every American’s life.
I need a “California Wild-Fire in ’08” T-shirt now.
Good stuff as usual Harvey. Good good stuff. Love the “Vast Wet-Wing Conspiracy”
Second the California Wildfire ’08 ticket, who certainly would be an improvement over the other 3 candidates. Who’s the running mate? Kindling or Bucket?
Wildfire will be running as an inependent in this year’s presidential election with running mate gasoline. “The choice was obvious, stated Gasoline, who will be aiding the run with his own platform of feeding the children by using corn for…well, corn, instead of useless ethanol.
Let’s draft Harvey for the Dark Horse candidate for Presidente.
He’s charming, eloquent, with just enough sarcasm to be interesting. And he’s certainly smarter than the rest of them!
Vote Harvey ’08
Why does the fire in the photo seem to spell “yea man?” Is this a pile of burning hippies or something?