In primaries, debates, and in the finer points of smear-campaign, Barack Obama keeps showing America how good he is.
At getting beaten by a girl.
A GIRL!
How can he be expected to stand up to ruthless, cut-throat Islamic terrorists – who, according to scientific studies, beat girls all the time – when he’s constantly getting his ass handed to him by a Breastified-American?
Seriously, the dude needs to sneak the key to Michelle’s testicular lock box out from underneath her pillow, strap on a pair, and cowboy up.
Here are my suggestions for ways Obama can toughen up his image to improve his chances of having the honor of losing to a REAL man in November:
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- Claim that he once gazed up Fred Thompson’s mighty visage without being turned into stone.
- Point out to journalists asking tough questions that he knows both unrepentant terrorists and the journalists’ home addresses.
- Post a YouTube video of himself successfully de-candifying a baby (note to Obama: edit out the failed attempts before posting).
- When whining about the unfairness of debate questions, do it with a Schwarzenegger accent.
- Drop the Cosmo scrip.
- Casually twirl a butterfly knife during stump speeches.
- Surround himself with guys who make him look rugged by comparison, like cripples or interior decorators.
- Kick a puppy and laugh.
- Don’t look at me like that. It worked for Hillary, didn’t it?
- Promise that if he’s elected, he’ll replace water-boarding with scorpion-boarding.
- Film himself defeating a Spaniard, a Giant, and a Sicilian.
YOU got any suggestions? Come on, help a brother out.
I realize it wont garner me any manly points pointing this out, however;
NO PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCES
Have a documentary film crew create a YouTube video called “BHO: A day in the life.”
Pertinent scenes should include:
-pouring bourbon on his corn flakes
-brushing his teeth with napalm
-strapping a Glock 27 to each ankle before leaving for the day
-using a gas chainsaw to scare neighborhood kids out of his yard
and
telling Michelle to “shut up wench!”
Re: “getting beaten by a girl” in debates.
C’mon now… is that any way to be nice to little George Stephanopolous?
He should challenge Hillary to a duel. A duel to the pain!
Take that Chase!
But we can’t expect too much all at once. Realistically, for Obama:
Be video’d driving to the gas station by himself, and filling up…..now that takes cojones for a brutha!
As a cripple who is 6ft and 210lbs, a medically retired Marine and still sort of active, I take offense to being told I am weaker looking than Obama.
Fix it. Now. Or else.
Not as lean. Not as mean. Still a Marine.
Semper Fi
Stand Down Marine (no pun intended) Im sure the illustrious and noble Frank didnt intend to invoke images of MEN like you. More probably images of Stephen Hawkings types (though not lackning in the intellect areana) could certainly not be considered a tuff guy.
I suppose BO could take a subscription to Maxim magazine.
He could stop watching The View and start watching Mythbusters or ESPN.
He could get a whale tail tatoo since tatoos are macho.
Get David Mamet to write all his speeches from now on.
He could stop watching The View and start watching Mythbusters or ESPN. […]
#9 – Posted by: cptnmoroni
Mythbusters? MYTBBUSTERS??
Yah, that would totally man him up. Well, I guess for Obama, you may have a point.
Never mind.
I’d be glad to help the brother out. Which way did he come in?
Not as lean. Not as mean. Still a Marine.
Semper Fi
#7 – Posted by: belisariusx on April 24, 2008 02:10 PM
Hell, I never met a BAM who couldn’t whup his ass! Even if you’re in confined to a chair, you would make him look like the Howdy Doody puppet he is!
Semper Fidelis, Devil Dog
…erm…forget #4.
I must disagree with the premise stating the Beast known as HILLARY! is a female of the species homo sapien. She is the succubus. the offspring of a Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka and Alec Baldwin. What chance does a God fearing Christian like Ba-Rack O’Bamma have? Where is the humanity in this primary? It jest aint fair.
Mythbusters is macho. They explode stuff. They shoot guns in front of high speed cameras. They crash cars. They explode more stuff. They do experiments with vodka. They have pretty girls on their staff. (Wait, that last doesn’t sound right.) Anyway even watching reruns of Powerpuff Girl cartoons is more manly than watching the View. Makes more sense too.
Harvey,
Do you know what Fred Thompson would do to the Obama for commiting such blasphemy?
From the link: Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on Wednesday brushed aside Hillary Clinton’s attempts to portray him as someone who lacked toughness and could not stand the heat of the media glare.
Did Hillary say this before or after she cried and complained that she was being picked on for being a woman?
Harvey, the cow catcher on the front of that bus cracked me up. I’ve clicked here several times, and it still makes me chuckle. Am I sick?
A Whitey Cow Catcher. Hahahahahaha.
Stop offering to felate our enemies.
Did you get Mel’s permission to use the Mad Max truck photo? He may get pissed and use racial epitaphs against you for linking him to Obama with this picture.