Remember to get a copy of USA Today in the morning so you can see my first ever professional column (sharing a byline with Jonah Goldberg — so it’s kinda like with training wheels). This isn’t an April Fools joke — or, if it is, it’s on me and its very mean.
Actually, a good April Fools joke would be to comment here in the morning that you got a copy of the paper and you looked all through it but couldn’t find my column. Then I’d be heartbroken. Then you could shout, “April Fools!” and we’d share a good laugh.
But secretly I’d hate you. I’ve always hated you.
UPDATE:
Here’s a link to it for those too cheap to buy a paper. You’re the reason for our sluggish economy.
UPDATE 2:
You’re probably wondering how this came about. Well, here was the conversation through e-mail:
JONAH GOLDBERG: I want to plagiarize you again.
FRANK J.: Well, it’s already well established that I can’t stop you.
JONAH: Yeah, but I want something new that you haven’t published before and I want it exclusive.
FRANK J.: I’m not going to give you new material like that!
JONAH: Come on! I really need something to plagiarize! You’ll even get paid and get credit!
FRANK J.: I don’t think that’s plagiarism, then. I think that means we’d be co-authoring a piece.
JONAH: Don’t give me your jibber-jabber! Just send me something before I send Derbyshire over to break your legs! He has experience at being a thug, you know!
http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2008/04/oh-the-poor-pol.html
Or just go there and save the money for things like IMAO tee shirts.
we’ve always hated you, too.
Goe, reciprocal.
Best column I’ve ever read in USA Today. Well, it was the only column I ever read in USA Today, but it was a good one! Delightfully funny!
Geez. You leech on to a legitimate writer like Goldberg and you still can’t get published in a REAL newspaper. I guess you’ll just be stuck here with us…
I’ll tell you what; I will not buy an edition of ‘USA Today’, but I will use my crowbar to acquire copy.
Fair enough?
They DID, however, spell your last name wrong (on the online link above, anyways)- and no, that’s not an April Fools joke
Cool. We knew you when.
I’d comment at the site, but the GD Walgreens ad keeps blocking the registration form, even when closed.
Who is FrankJ?
What is this “newspaper” thing you speak of?
The joke’s on you. Nobody reads that rag.
Hooray for FrankJ. You have a last name? Who knew?
Seriously, it was really quite entertaining. The those commenting don’t seem to get the “humor” of the piece but as you found from the infamous “photoshopped” picture some people just don’t get “teh funny”.
I think that’s one of the reasons we’re in the pickle we’re in. Sometime along the way someone should have said, “You’re raising gas prices to $50 a barrel, now that’s a good joke,” and left it at that.
Good job Frank, I hope there’s more to come.
You forgot to plug IMAO.us
again.
I only briefly perused the comments there, but my general impression was:
Man, the commenters at USA today are frigging morons. I mean, we get better comments here from trolls than some of the crap I read there. Are people really so stupid that they don’t understand satire?
Anyhow, congratz on getting published, Frank. I liked the article.
Good article. In the USA Today comments, I think I found the last remaing Ronulan. He was saying that your comments on politicians don’t apply to Ron Paul.
What’s with all the question marks in the headline?
Geeze, stupid copy editors, they fixed all the spelling. So how am I supposed to tell which parts Frank Wrote? That aside I must ponder a bit and wonder about a world where getting printed in ancient media is better than using all the awesome technology that Algore invented for us. Go figure, at least I hope they pay you well Frank. Congrats to you!
Frank, if writing for USA Today is “being published,” then what does IMAO.us represent?
I’m glad to see you got Goldberg to proofread.
Dan Ruwe stole my comment. It seems that nobody is safe from the Ronulans.
First it was confusing.
Then it was annoying.
Now, it’s just cute.
I laughed audibly. I hope, however, that your contribution was more than crossing the Ts and dotting the Is and umlauting the As.
If there were any justice in this world, IMAO readership would soar after this. Unfortunately most of USAT’s readers are wheezy mouth-breathers who’ll never make it to the bottom of the article to read the footer where IMAO.us is mentioned.
It’s not the same reading Frank J. with proper spelling and punctuation.
Good Work Frank…..your Mom and Dad are very proud of you, however you need to spell your name correctly in the future. If you get confused, look at your drivers license.l
Very good, FrankJ. Yeah, I’ll admit, I read the online version, because I’m just not about to buy a copy of USA Today. But I read the comments in the online section, and I agree with what was written above: most of the comment-makers seem to be idiots. It’s SATIRE, dummies.
O, so now uze a “writer”. What happened to “geek”? I seee you didn’t ID Uself as “geek writer”.
congrats!
i like “Scandinavian industrial club music” and when i was in college, I was a dj specializing in that kind of music (seriously) but at least i’m not an undecided voter. i’m also a conservative Christian, go figure.
Congratulations, bout time you lost your amateur standing.
Things are going to start happening to you now.
“It’s April 1, 2008, do you know where your Walter Mondale is?”
LOL
Bwahahaaa. Did you see the Ron Paul comment after the artical. I didn’t read all of it after I saw the name Ron Paul because it was kind of a long comment but it sure did make me happy. I miss those Ronulans.
I noticed they mis-spelled your name, too. I bet Goldberg was behind that, wasn’t he? Seriously, I really enjoyed the article. Better be careful or they’ll want you to write for them more often. You deserve better than that.
Weird seeing that. Didn’t know it was coming, just innocently reading the paper at Denny’s over breakfast. Chuckling at the article, then noticed the byline. “Hey, Goldberg! That’s the guy with that new liberal book I keep hearing about. Oh, and somebody Fleming.” Double-take….triple-take, “Did that say imao.us at the end?!”
Never knew you had a last name. I have to agree with the puppy blender though, this must be a sign of the apocalypse. Congrats anyway.
it was a great article and I knew exactly which parts you wrote and pointed them out to Pappy because i like your style. he liked it too. thought it funny. wondered how many idiots thought it was a serious article. even though it said “tongue in cheek”, i knew they would be too dumb to know what even that meant! i loved your dad’s comment…i laughed out loud at that. we noticed the misspelled name too but noticed they got it right at the end…and you are published here also…and your book is published too. i been braggin on you to my peeps. yeah frankj!!!!