I Am WE

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I confess.
I signed up for Al Gore’s WE campaign.
“Keep your friends close…” etc.
This week, their panicky save-the-planet e-mail is something that I could only dream of having the talent to make up. I offer it with [brief commentary]:
“As climate change causes the continued shrinkage of Arctic sea ice, polar bears are increasingly at risk. Leading American scientists say placing the polar bear on the federal Endangered Species list is key to its survival. [Why would we want to encourage the survival of an animal that deliberately hunts and kills human beings?]
“A federal court has given the Bush administration until May 15 to decide if it will list the polar bear as endangered. Click here to tell Secretary of Interior Dirk Kempthorne that the polar bear, and its fragile [see also: “RMS Titanic“] Arctic habitat, requires protection from the effects of global warming.”
“If the Secretary listens to the scientists, the polar bear will gain important protections. Additionally, federal agencies will need to consider how their future activities could affect the species — and that could be an important step [after they cave in to this, we’ll issue our NEXT demand] in leading the government to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions. Please sign our petition to protect polar bears today.”
Today they want to protect furry white terrorists wielding blunt instruments capable of plunging an ocean liner to the darkest depths of Davy Jones, tomorrow I’m guessing it’ll be furry brown terrorists wielding nukes.
These people are not on our side, and I hate them.
Which leads me to my next point: they’re having a membership drive contest until May 30th. If I can get 20 people to sign up, I get an organic cotton T-shirt with the lame-ass WE logo. And if I can get 50 people to sign up, I get “offered the opportunity to become a ‘WeLeader’ and receive a ‘WeLeader’ t-shirt.”
Now despite the fact the title “WeLeader” sounds like I’m winning a urinating contest of some sort, the thought has crossed my mind that such a position might avail me to information about this vile conglomeration of hippies and freedom-haters not generally accessible to the public. Could be interesting.
So I’m testing the waters to see if there are enough people interested in playing along for me to give this a shot. If you’re game for gaming the system, prove your sincerity by leaving a fake hippie nickname for my amusement (like “SunshineRainbow” or “polrbearhugr” or whatever) in the comments. If I get at least 50 volunteers, we’ll move on to stage 2, wherein I’ll e-mail you privately and ask you to tell me what e-mail address you’d like me to send the WE invite to (since you probably don’t want your GOOD e-mail address getting clogged with WEspam).
If I don’t get 50 volunteers, then I’ll know this was an ill-conceived scheme that deserves to die a quick, nasty death, and I’ll not suggest it again.
It’s up to you now.

No Comments

  10. I used to be in Greenpeace (blush) may years ago, so it would be totally believable if I were to join something like this. Still wear tie dye and Burkies, but now it hides a conservative in very effective camouflage.

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  17. If we can get enough people to report them as spam, will that clog them up even more? I am lukewarm to the idea, but don’t know if I want to be associated with terrorist. Give me a chance to create a fake email account at a free mail sight, that I will never use again.

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  26. If you reach 50 volunteers, do we have to punch ourselves for acting like hippies? I haven’t punched myself since I was 5 and popped my 9-year old sister’s bubblegum bubble. It got into her hair, so she repeatedly asked me the classic bully question, “Why are you hitting yourself?”. I didn’t think very far ahead in kindergarten. And the worst part… now you all know I was beaten up by a girl. It is a good thing we are using fake loser leftard names.

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  33. I am in. I already get the MoveOn.org and Hildabeast newsletters at the address used for this comment. Feel free to just use it without the bother of the private e-mail.
    As an aside, I highly recomend signing up for MoveOn at a junk e-mail address. It is a great tool to monitor when you should to contact your congresscritter to oppose their stupid stand of the week. If you send them a copy of your e-mail, they will even thank you for actively opposing them.

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  34. I know you are all going to hate me, but I went to the Interior web site and submitted my own petition…

    alGore is trying to make the Polar Bear an endangered species because he thinks global warming is destroying their habitat.
    I refer to the following file by the “National Center for Policy Analysis” (specifically page 14) which shows that we had better make it retroactive by more than 3,000 years because it was substantially warmer in Roman and Medieval times than it is today or will be in the near future.
    “A Global Warming Primer”

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  38. I’ll be Weedsmkr….and I’m in. Long time reader, first time poster too. Way to bring me out of the woodwork. I have an email addy I don’t mind crapping up, but not this one.

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  45. I’m there for ya brother. In fact, lets game the system even more and advance an idea that sounds just plausible enough to gain traction; like having scientists dart polar bears and fit them with life jackets.
    (Would it hurt your feelings to know that the email address I already use to post here will work just fine?)

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  48. I’m in. My hippie name shall be…transgender_ghia!
    Here’s a couple more if anyone wants to use them:
    * nightsoil_raider
    * m_bear_assed
    * sisyphist
    * poezzer
    * inoesbetter
    * hugh_g_buttz
    * gorehore

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  57. I am so sitting here laughing at all the hippy names; did Frank say what his is yet?
    You probably have 50 already, but FrankJ in an Algore WeLeader shirt is worth maintaining a spam email account for; yes, a photo is a moral imperative.
    I’d love to play if it’s not too late. NunyaB = RainDancer according to Blogthing’s Hippy Chick Name Generator. Hey, male hippies are kinda chick-like too, so it’s all good, right?
    I added a free screen name to my AOL accounts you can use: WeRainDancer1965@aol.com.
    Like #10, I’ve even got a Rupert from Survivor tie-dye tank top at home, and some knock-off Birkenstock sandals and a red bandana. Agree with #12, this could be the Green Operation Chaos! Are field trips involved? We could rent a big gas guzzling motor home and pile in to counter-protest the smelly set.

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  58. Pick me! Pick me! I wanna play!. Silicon Valley Jim, you inspired me to choose Sparkle Moonbeam for this adventure. Harvey, just use the email address I used for this comment.
    This should be a blast…

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  64. I’d be in for this, always wanted to be a spy growing up. So, if we are found behind enemy lines, out of uniform, we know a liberal doesn’t own a gun, So, how do they treat spies?

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  65. “Dillweed Farmer” is not taken yet, ussjc, in case you change your mind. And it sounds so real.
    Actually, the dillweed business is very lucrative.
    Harvey, I’m passing – but I’m laughing. Don’t know what you really expect to learn from those guys.

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  66. Re – #58
    ; did Frank say what his is yet?

    You probably have 50 already, but FrankJ in an Algore WeLeader shirt

    I’m sorry Harvey, I didn’t notice the byline until after responding and assumed FrankJ wrote it

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  79. //I love it. A Green Operation Chaos!
    Count me in oh great lover of the earth!
    #12 – Posted by: patrick5 on May 1, 2008 11:04 PM//
    That’s what I was thinking, Rush the goracle! Ya’ll be careful you don’t turn into reavers reading that propaganda….

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  81. While were at it — I should share with you guys my alternative fuel vehicle: It’s a VW Bus that runs on the blood of hippies. The genius part is that, as it burns off the THC in their bloodstream, it attracts more hippies, man!

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  86. I volunteer to continue the search for ManBearPig. I suspect he is being hidden by the combined efforts of the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch. We will need lots of beer for this effort. To the beer store! And remember to get lots of ice, as that global warming thing that has been ongoing here in Texas the last few months has made it, like, hotter than it was in December.

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  89. What the flying testicle is a Gorebasm? Is that when you are presented with with image of a pompous, pios, snotty, snobby fat bombastic idiot and your stomach goes into uncontrollable contractions resulting in projectile vomiting endangering everyone around you? OK. I get it then.

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  96. If you get fifty people under you, you should get a free Wii, though they’d probably manage to ruin even that by also giving you a copy of Endless Ocean (where you get to PET FISH).

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  102. I’m in, sign me up! Instead of being called Robert, my new Delta Tau Chi name shall be Greeny WE Knee. Now I’ve gotta go back to watching the drag races.
    Nothing says sustainable better than two cars burning 10 gallons of nitromethane to go a 1/4 mile.

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  105. I don’t know why Al Gore has his jumbo sized panties in a bunch over global warming. I mean, our twin planet Venus can melt lead on her surface due to a run-away greenhouse effect caused by the sulfuric acid clouds.
    And while my fifteen-year-old texan gal side thinks sulfuric acid storm clouds are just about the coolest thing to ever grace our solar system, my more mature fifteen-year-old texan gal side thinks Gore should count his blessings.

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