10) Couldn’t get enough delegates to win now even if Arthur Andersen were counting the ballots.
9) New “Obama ’08” sticker on Bill’s back bumper.
8) New “Obama ’08” tattoo on Chelsea’s lower back.
7) Her “Presidency for her soul” contract with Satan turned out to have an “articulate black man” escape clause.
6) The vice-presidency is still an option, since McCain hasn’t picked anyone yet.
5) She’s exhausted from the endless routine of long days of campaigning followed by waking up to yet ANOTHER horse head in her bed from Howard Dean.
4) Jeremiah Wright offered his endorsement.
3) No realistic chance of winning based on recent reports of flat sales of winter sporting equipment in brimstone-combusting punishment-oriented afterlife ethereal planes.
2) She’s plainly unelectable, since most of her voter base is too senile to vote for anyone except for Pat Buchanan come November, anyway.
and the number 1 sign that Hillary should drop out (see extended entry):
1) OO! Pantsuit sale at Macy’s!
Hillaryous Harvey! Here’s my top five:
5. She ran out of sniper fire stories.
4. She has a crush on Rush Limbaugh and is considering a career in talk radio.
3. At the bottom of her bag-o-lies, stabs at the truth are not working.
2. Bill’s mid-East friends have cut her off.
1. Because of her horrendous clothing, her Chinese connections have changed donkeys in midstream. They now prefer Mr. “Clean and Articulate.”
Reasons why she has not dropped out yet
— The real Hillary is buried in Jersey somewhere, this Hillary is a man whose name rhymes with Rarl Kove in drag.
— She has come to loathe Democrats Almost as much as McCain hates conservatives.
— Her chief scientist keeps telling her the secret winged pig project is almost complete.
— Afraid that quitting might make Bill happy.
Top signs Hillary should drop out:
1. Chelsea applied for an internship with the Obama Administration.
2. Bill joined Trinity Church.
3. Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-ThreeBagsNotEnough) stopped wearing her American flag lapel pin.
4. Rep. Pelosi (D-NAMBLA) and Sen. Reid (D-WorkingGirls) are planning to re-start impeachment hearings.
7) Her “Presidency for her soul” contract with Satan turned out to have an “articulate black man” escape clause.
Now that’s funny.
Number 6) isn’t so funny, that would surprise me not at all and it most certainly would not be funny.
But the real number one reason she should drop out? Because America has not existed long enough.
Have you seen this latest picture of Hillary?
…I just don’t know what to say about that.
I wish I could remember where I heard it, but I like this one: Hillary’s speeches still have her strongest demographic on the edge of their shower chairs.
Heh.