Barack Obama doesn’t look like the presidents on the dollar bills. We should not vote for him because of that.
Archive of entries posted on 31st July 2008
Mission Mars
Did you know that Water on Mars may have been confirmed? Do you know how important this is?
I sure don’t. I’m pretty sure we have plenty of water here. The other day it was falling on me and it made me mad.
I guess what is it important about it is that you need water for life, so there’s the possibility of life on Mars. And do you what life does? It dies. And do you know what dead things do? They become oil!
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
If McCain really wants to shake this election up, he need to come out and announce, “I propose a manned mission to Mars within my presidency. And when we get to the planet, we will drill the mother@#$%.”
You can get more hope and change than drilling Mars for oil.
Of course, environmentalists are going to be screaming, “You can’t drill on Mars! You’ll ruin its pristine prissiness!”
I hate those people! I wish could drill them in the stomach with a big industrial drill!
The fact is, Mars is an enemy planet. That been long established. We can drill it all we want and we shouldn’t feel bad. It’s not like I’m proposing we drill right in Olympus Mons. Mars is big — like bigger than Alaska — there are plenty of places to drill.
So what if there is life on Mars and they get angry at us for taking their oil? Here’s the thing: They’re homeless. Since it’s most people understanding that you have to have a home on Earth to not be considered homeless, all life on Mars is homeless. And common law says we can do whatever we want to homeless people since they don’t have homes. So I say we lock them up in Gitmo.
“But didn’t the Supreme Court say we can’t lock anyone up in Gitmo?” you ask. I planned for that. We also lock the Supreme Court up in Gitmo. Then when people go to the Supreme Court to complain about us locking up Martians, they’ll be like, “Where is everyone?” Because the only one there will be angry, violent Scalia, and he’ll rule as he always rules: “Kill them all!!!”
Wait; how do we get the oil back? Maybe a large catapult? Or I could repurpose the Mexi-Cannon™. We’ll hammer something out.
McCain Needs a Celebrity Catchphrase
I watched the new McCain ad where he compares Obama to airhead celebimbos Paris Hilton & Britney Spears.
It’s not the GREATEST thing on the web, but he should get some credit for his newfound mastery of modern technology, since it’s in color AND a talkie.
Anyway, while watching this, it occurred to me that the secret of undeserved popularity appears to be having a catchphrase.
Britney’s got “Oops, I did it again.”
Paris has “That’s hot.”
Obama’s latched on to “Yes we can” (or “Vero Possumus” when he’s trying to lock in the Ancient Roman vote).
What’s McCain got?
Nothing.
If he’s going to save this country from the Tofu Brownie he’s going to need something snappy & memorable, and thus I attempt to do my part:
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- Bomb it ’til it stops twitching!
- Older than you, and smarter, too.
- You call that torture?
- I did your blue-haired granny.
- I’m the Maverick, he’s the gelding.
- I eat terrorists and crap freedom.
- Get offa my lawn!
- I married rich, he married bitch.
- Have another cigarette, raghead.
- I’ll negotiate unconditionally after they’ve surrendered the same way.
- I’d drill that.
Please chime in, or the terrorists win.
Operation Needs More PC – Part 7
Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Hi,
What a wonderfull organization you are. Its about time that an organization tried to united everybody in the fight against global warming. I am so inspired by youre ads on tv, especially the one where all the people with opposite viewpoints are sitting by each other on a couch holding signs.
I hope that that commercial was produced in a studio. Because if you were in the mountians like it looked, you would have had to drive trucks full of people and equipment into such a pristeen area. If you did that, then your releasing pollution into the nearly clean air. I wouldn’t want people to think your organization is hippocritical. We need to practice what we teach, therefore more people will join us in the fight to save our fragile planet. Keep fighting the good fight.
I love to be left, so I can’t be right,
Ted Blight
Dear WE,
I have no one to turn to, I want to help save the planet but my parents voted for BushHitler and say I’m to young to understand. They’re wrong! I just know that its all the bad/evil people out they trashing our earth!
The only person who understood how I felt was my English teacher. I would stay after class with him and watch The inconvient truth over and over again. But he had to leave suddenly, (the school said for personal reasons but I don’t believe them either), and all the websites he gave me are all blocked on my parents computer due to adult content).
I don’t understand. Please help me!
Wilting Flower
I’m really thrilled to finally have found a solution to killing our planet. My spiritual guide says I have eco-anxiety and that donating my time and money to the environment will help me 🙂
Could I make one tiny suggestion? As a pacifist I found the term “take action” to be extremely violent and vulgar. Nothing good comes from violence and the term seems to incite aggression. I care very much for the planet but I cannot take part in a movement that condones violence. Could you possibly change that offensive term to something less violent like “become involved”?
Aside from that I feel really great about stopping global warming and I can’t wait to Become Involved (lol). Thanks for the good work WE.
Eli Yakelashik
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).