I haven’t been very helpful to the McCain campaign, but I still am a registered Republican (until I finally register in Idaho where you don’t register to a party — I guess they just assume you’re a Republican), so I guess I should help some. Since he’s finally running some negative ads, I thought I might suggest some new, even negativier ads.
FRANK NEGATIVE AD IDEAS
Negative Ad 1:
VOICE OVER: Obama is a stupid, dangerous man. He has no experience in dealing with foreign affairs and will put out country at risk. Here he is with his head stuck in a bucket while Ahmadinejad steals his wallet.
(picture then comes on screen — it’s okay to use photoshop in a negative ad, right?)
VOICE OVER: If you vote for Obama, you’re guilty of murdering us all!
Negative Ad 2:
VOICE OVER: Obama is known to frequently hang out with racists, terrorists, Communists, pirates, hippies, pedophiles, and lawyers. Do you want those people in the White House? If Obama is elected president, they’ll be over all the time. You’ll probably be attacked by them if you go on the White House tour. Vote for John McCain. You don’t have to worry about his friends; they all died from old age.
Negative Ad 3:
VOICE OVER: New scientific studies show that voting for Obama makes you gay. Just look at Chris Matthews. If you vote for Obama, you may have to go to Massachusetts to get married which could be very expensive. Instead, vote for McCain and be a heterosexual and get married in any state you want.
Negative Ad 4:
VOICE OVER: Obama is secretly a Muslim who wants to use America’s nukes against itself. He denies this, but he’s already lied to the Canadians about his support for NAFTA so we can’t trust them. Vote for John McCain; he doesn’t even know how to use those newfangled nuclear missiles.
Negative Ad 5
VOICE OVER: Look at those freakish ears! Just look at them! Frankly, Obama has too much wind resistance to be president. Just the other day I saw Dumbo laughing at Obama for being a big-eared freak. The guy should be a circus sideshow, not the president. Vote for John McCain. He has normal ears.
Negative Ad 6:
VOICE OVER: Obama is a socialist who will take all your money. If you’re lucky, he’ll give you some of it back — but he probably won’t. I know you’re thinking Obama isn’t very big and you can just knock him down and take your money back, but Obama will have Secret Service agents who will be big and they will knock YOU down. Vote John McCain. If he knocks you down, it’s only because he’s angry — not because he wants to take your money.
So those are a few of my ideas. What do you think negative ads should attack Obama on?
I think they should attack him on a mountain, off of which maybe they can push him.
I think we should actually make these ads and post them on the youtubes. I believe they would be quite popular.
Hmm, it’s been almost a half-hour and McCain hasn’t denounced you yet. Strange.
I’m John McCain and it’s been a half-hour since Frank published this demeaning crap about my worthy opponent from across the aisle, Baracko Bama. I would just like to distance myself from this type of political strategy. It has no place in our historically cooperative politics. Furthermore, this blog should cease and desist in it’s typical clingy, biased, white-wing approach to gutter politics. And bye the waye, not all of my fiends are ded. And I’me compleately capibabble of managging the White Horse.
(Opening scene: middle class neighborhood with children playing in the yards, a man washing his car, a woman working on the flower bed while her husband mows the lawn. An elderly couple walks down the street arm in arm and in the distance you hear the Good Humor bells)
Voice over: This is your America.
(Scene change: show that neighborhood that Obama advocated for, the one he uses as the apex of his political experience. Empty trash laden streets, boarded over windows, rusty and broken playground equipment. In the background the sound of shots and police sirens.)
Voice over: This is your America on Obama. Any questions?
In the same vein as #5 (which is brilliant):
“This is your brain on McCain…” (oh, heaven forbid!)
“This is your brain on Obama’s “Hopium”…”
“You decide.”
I agree with caller #2, “Rob”. You should make these and put them up on EweToob. I don’t think you’ll get distanced. If you do, it will be with a wink. That’s the way old guys give their approval, even when they say something different.
You have to watch old guys closely.
I am definately with Rob on this Frank. You need to make these and put them on You Tube, also include Former Hostages’ take on Obama. These would be so cool!!!!
“This is America on Fred Thompson.”
Sigh.
Is Hopium made from Hoppy seeds? My pet rabbit left some hoppy seeds on the carpet and they didn’t give me any more Hope(TM) after I ate them.
Obama is a typical black man, hangin on white women and playing basketball.
#10 – ‘Hopium’ is made from a mix of pot and dried, monkey testes. It’s crushed and reduced to blackened nuggets and usually smoked (although liberal housewives sometimes cook with it). Hippies and liberals love it. And, second-hand smoke is more addicting. For men, it causes cessation of testosterone production and the onset of liberal, female characteristics; for women, it brings on estrus with an overabundance of both residual testosterone and progesterone and very agressive, mindless sex fantasies on black, well-hung presidential candidates.
I think you guys here would appreciate a vid already on EWE TOOB.
Search obamanable snowjob. I think you’d enjoy.
BTW, Frank, I agree with the YouTube ideas expressed above by Rob, aa, maytag. Even some silly voice overs with static pictures like you did with Romney last year would be hillaryous. Some could be combined with your famous stick art. Alas, you’ve probably no time.
“Obama is known to frequently hang out with racists, terrorists, Communists, pirates, hippies, pedophiles, and lawyers.”
Oboma hangs with Pirates? Cool!
Use the “Blazing Saddles” scene where the guy on the tower is yelling “The sheriff is a n-” but the clock keeps ringing the bell and drowning him out.
Now strip Obama into the scene over Cleavon Little, and show the reactions of the town. Fade to black, and show the subtitle “It could happen.”
Finally, put up the McCain logo and play that famous line: “Excuse me while I whip this out.”
This is terribly, terribly racist, and as an Obama supporter myself – I would be offended as hell.
But it would be HYSTERICAL.
you all are a bunch of sick,racist people.it’s no wonder the rest of the world hates us. you all need to fall on your knees.
you all are a bunch of sick,racist people.it’s no wonder the rest of the world hates us. you all need to fall on your knees.
Yes, puny mortals! Fall to your knees that you may worship/fellate Me as does My unworthy servant, Elaine from Atlanta.
Well, we’re mostly just atypical, non-racist white people, Elaine, who believe that there’s only one race: human. And I think most of us think that politics should be about philosophy of government, not about skin color, which finally boils down to right and wrong, doesn’t it?
We make fun of Obama because he’s the epitome of left-wing, Democrat hypocrisy. And, by the way, this is mostly a political humor site.
Since you are concerned with racism, perhaps you’ll pay more attention to black Republicans who are even more adamantly against Obama than most here. Did you know that Martin Luther King was a Republican? Go figure! ~Yours truly.
It would be more correct to say that M.L.K. started as a Republican.
Back then the Republicans felt it a good idea to nod toward their first Presidential success, who was accounted “rather good for the coloreds”, as opposed to R.B. Hayes who exchanged his election for “throwing them to the Democrats”.
Teddy Roosevelt actually met with B.T. Washington at the White House…I think he might have even let him in the front door.
M.L.K. was like most wealthy black people of his youth in this; the black shift toward the Democratic Party started with poor blacks under F.D.R., who (with Eleanor’s prompting) did what he could within the limitations of his political reality, always a lame excuse and a recuurent one on all sides of the aisles.
I realise you’re not all Republicans, but I’d like to thank those of you who are for helping to get the scummy racists, and the people who voted for them, our of my party by making such a hawnee play for them.
Fun fact: King both looked forward to a colour-blind society, but thought that affirmative action would be necessary to get there.
Interesting, Mr. Fnord, that today’s wealthy (relatively!) black Republicans are largely considered traitorous “Uncle Tom’s” by many black and white Democrats, alike. As usual, the problem in politics is conceptual and philosophical. I rather suspect it will take vociferous black Republicans to finally communicate the principles of traditional Republicanism to their fellows. Our current leadership just doesn’t get it:
Skin color = f(Latitude)
Political/economic freedom = f(Constitution) = f(philosophy) = f(politics)
Show me a black elected official in America that isn’t corrupt to the bone, who doesn’t believe that his mission on Earth is to get as many of his homeys do-nothing jobs and line his own pockets ’cause The Man been keepin’ us down all these years. Show me one, and maybe I’ll vote for him. Nah, just kidding.
Now back to the attack ads. Show a clip from Obama’s trip to Germany, with the mile-deep crowd.
VOICE OVER: Hundreds of thousands of Germans can’t be wrong…
Then start interspersing clips of…no, not Hitler – HASSELHOFF!
ANNOUNCER: Barack Hussein Obama’s theme is to CHANGE AMERICA !
OPENING SHOT of the Reverend Wright presiding as the newly appointed Speaker of the House screaming “Damn America!”
NOW PAN TO an entire Black Congress rising to its feet, jumping up and down http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Leu7GBt-8hs shouting “OBAMA ! CHANGE FOR AMERICA ! SLAVE REPARATIONS TO ALL BLACKS IN AMERICA AND THE WORLD !”
CLOSING SHOT of Michelle Obama smiling broadly at the camera.
VOICE OVER: Advanced phototshop techniques have shown that Obama is Osama in disguise. Highly paid technicians from Goofaround Inc. were quoted as saying, “If you apply a gaussean blur and alter facial colors, and then simply cut out a picture of osama’s head onto a picture of Obama, the resemblance is striking.”
IF you vote for Obama, you are supporting terrorism.
There’s too much truth in negative ad #6 for it to be funny.
#12 – Jimmy. “Well hung”? Are you referring to berrie? I won’t believe that until I see the autopsy photos!
re: #6 (jimmy)
‘hopium’? I like that.
To mis-quote Marx (Karl, not Groucho):
“Hopium is the religion of these asses.”