Did you know that Water on Mars may have been confirmed? Do you know how important this is?
I sure don’t. I’m pretty sure we have plenty of water here. The other day it was falling on me and it made me mad.
I guess what is it important about it is that you need water for life, so there’s the possibility of life on Mars. And do you what life does? It dies. And do you know what dead things do? They become oil!
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
If McCain really wants to shake this election up, he need to come out and announce, “I propose a manned mission to Mars within my presidency. And when we get to the planet, we will drill the mother@#$%.”
You can get more hope and change than drilling Mars for oil.
Of course, environmentalists are going to be screaming, “You can’t drill on Mars! You’ll ruin its pristine prissiness!”
I hate those people! I wish could drill them in the stomach with a big industrial drill!
The fact is, Mars is an enemy planet. That been long established. We can drill it all we want and we shouldn’t feel bad. It’s not like I’m proposing we drill right in Olympus Mons. Mars is big — like bigger than Alaska — there are plenty of places to drill.
So what if there is life on Mars and they get angry at us for taking their oil? Here’s the thing: They’re homeless. Since it’s most people understanding that you have to have a home on Earth to not be considered homeless, all life on Mars is homeless. And common law says we can do whatever we want to homeless people since they don’t have homes. So I say we lock them up in Gitmo.
“But didn’t the Supreme Court say we can’t lock anyone up in Gitmo?” you ask. I planned for that. We also lock the Supreme Court up in Gitmo. Then when people go to the Supreme Court to complain about us locking up Martians, they’ll be like, “Where is everyone?” Because the only one there will be angry, violent Scalia, and he’ll rule as he always rules: “Kill them all!!!”
Wait; how do we get the oil back? Maybe a large catapult? Or I could repurpose the Mexi-Cannon™. We’ll hammer something out.
The only reason why liberals oppose drilling is because it will create jobs. If there’s one thing that scares the hell out of a liberal, it’s the prospect of a job.
Oh, Frank. You made me jiggle my coffee. 5 oily, pristine prissy stars and an industrial drill. LOL.
I was just thinking this yesterday, too. Why do I care if they find water, oil, or gold on another planet? It’s just going to create a new criminal class and Congress still won’t reduce our taxes (but I repeat myself).
Shades of, “Ice Pirates” is all that crosses my mind.
I think we need to exile all liberals to Mars. Since Mars is an enemy planet, you know all those liberals will be happy as hell to be supporting our enemies. Then we nuke Mars…
Nuke Mars!
Geez, you sure are behind the curve, we’re already working on stealing Titan’s oil.
We’ve already syphoned off most of Mars’ oil.
Wait, you actually think BP gets its oil from the North Sea?
Dude.
Oh, and don’t tell anyone. It’s an ecretsay.
My friends, I’m becoming more and more optimistic!
ANWR + The OCS + Oil shale + Mars + all the natural gas in Al Gore’s head = total energy independence for centuries!
#5 – Posted by: Karl R. on July 31, 2008 01:28 PM
Excellent. We don’t even need Gore’s head!
Frank, upon reviewing your Mexi-Cannon for technical merit, I think it possible to enhance Mars’ oil content by first shooting liberals there. Then wait a few months to send the Mexi-Cannon up and shoot the enhanced oil back to Earth. If you do it right, the sun will crack the crude on the way back and it will arrive as gasoline and diesel. Fuel from heaven.
But what about the polar bears? It has been determined that the surface of Mars has been warming at about the same rate as the Earth over the last 100 years or so. Since the warming of Earth is because of man’s interference with the natural order of the CO2 cycle, it proves that humans are also responsible for the warming of Mars due to driving SUVs and not paying Al Gore for carbon credits.
actually, Frank, that’s a great idea. You should forward this to the McCain HQ. Swearing and all — McCain digs it.
You know what used to live on Mars? Racist crackers! Mars is the (un)living testament to what transpires when you insignificant mortals oppose My ascendence.
Vote for your Dark Lord and Unholy Saviour, lest this fate befall all of mankind! This, and only this, will help My children!!!
We don’t need to go to mars to drill for oil. We don’t even need to drill for oil at all. The holes have already been made in Saudi Arabia and Iran. We should just take that oil.
#11 is either Master Shake or ussjimmycarter.
Possibly AlanABQ.
That’s nice. Call me when they find beer.
Bah, those racist crackers are not fit to speak My name nor view my countenance, let alone impersonate My Infernal Majesty!
Me damn it! My treacherous honkey blood has betrayed Me and caused Me not to glorify Myself by referencing Myself with a non-capitalized “Me” in My previous post! Curse you, racist crackers!
Reveal Thyself, oh Himself, most Exalted One of Messianic proportions!! Give us this day our daily identity politics and lead us not into crackerhood, as we lambast those who lambast against us bamboozled hoodwinkers.
For thine appears to be the kingdom of the Muslim Brotherhood.
I just can’t wait to see that city on the moon (Mars)
with air-conditioned gardens, that’ll play your favorite tune.
I’ll see my feet upon those streets if it’s the last thing that I do;
Even sweep the roads to be there
but I’ve got no time for silly chitter-chatter
’cause I’m on my way!
and while my blood’s still warm and my mind doesn’t matter
I’m hoping to stay
’cause I’ve got a thing about seeing my grandson grow old (a-old-old, a-yeah, yeah, a-yeah, yeah, a-um, um) etc.
Speaking as a Martian (Mars Society member, Mars Desert Research Station crew member, and two-time Mars vehicle design competition award winner) I have one thing to say.
Please don’t send liberals to Mars.
Ironically, a lot of designs for Mars missions use hydrogen from Earth, a LOT of electricity and the CO2 in the atmosphere to make fuel and oxygen to get back home. It’s sort of like burning fossil fuel in reverse by putting the power into the chemistry over 500 days then burning it back to the original state to reach escape velocity in about 20 minutes.
Put Kim Stanley Robinson in charge of the Mars mission and send the liberals to Venus instead. That’ll teach them what global warming looks like (of course, the 900° heat, carbon dioxide and crushing atmospheric pressure may cause minor side effects such as rigor mortis, dermifluxion, and carbonization).