McCain has come out to support the building of more nuclear power plants. This is good, because we’re going to need more power plants to charge all those gay electric cars people say they want, and nuclear plants are the pollution-free way to make power… as long as you don’t consider nuclear waste pollution. And I don’t because it’s in barrels making it easy to ship to some other country so it becomes their problem.
Anyway, I think there are a lot of misperceptions about nuclear power, so I’ll answer some questions.
NUCLEAR POWER FAQ
Q. How does nuclear power work?
A. Donkeys are tied to a large crank which powers a generator. The donkeys are then exposed to radioactive material turning them into super donkeys who can turn the crank at tremendous speeds.
Q. What is the waste it produces?
A. That would be the radioactive donkey poo. It’s removed from the donkey chamber through a series of chutes and pulleys, which is good because you really don’t want to get that on your shoes.
Q. What happens to the nuclear waste?
A. It’s put into metal barrels and then the word “DANGER” is written on it in big red letters. The barrels are then placed in seemingly random locations as witnessed in first-person shooters.
Q. What causes a “nuclear meltdown”?
A. That would be when one of the super donkeys becomes crazy with its power, i.e., has a meltdown, and starts attacking everything, often by shooting lasers out its eyes. This can be difficult to stop as usually the super donkey cannot be harmed by mere bullets.
Q. What steps will new nuclear plants take to avoid a meltdown?
A. The best idea is to switch super donkeys before they become mad with power. Nuclear scientists have found that the easiest way to get rid of the donkeys is to take them to Mexico and put a sign on them saying, “Free donkey.” There is some concern, though, of this causing an increase in illegal immigration due to Mexicans fleeing all the donkeys shooting lasers out their eyes.
Q. How does nuclear power compare to other forms of power?
A. Well, it has more radioactive stuff in it. I don’t know what you’re getting at with this question.
Q. How does it compare to solar power?
A. It’s not as gay… in that’s it’s not something you’d look at and say to yourself, “I bet a homosexual came up with this idea.” Also, it can work at night. If we had solar power and an evil sorcerer cast a spell to put the world in eternal night, not only would we have to deal with constant vampire attacks, but we’d have no power too.
Q. How does it compare to wind power?
A. What are we? Holland? Are we going to start wearing wooden shoes too? Plus, wind varies (just like sunlight) while radiated donkeys are much more consistent.
Q. Why is there opposition to nuclear power?
A. Well, the Democrats are against it because it’s useful, and their main constituency is hippies who are huge into uselessness. Also, animal rights activists are against it to even though donkeys get radiated in the wild like all the time. None of these people are very big, though, so you can just push them to the ground if they get too noisy.
I hope you learned something about nuclear power. That what IMAO is there for. For learning.