Archive of entries posted on 21st August 2008

Let’s Make Space Greener

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He’s not flip-flopping, pivoting, or pirouetting – Barack Obama is now EVOLVING on the issue of giving NASA an additional $2 billion in funding.
I guess he’s trying to make that leap between Adorable Rodent and Marauding Marsupial.
Anyway, I’m surprised it took Obama this long to get on board with the Shuttle program, since it only burns liquid hydrogen & liquid oxygen – ZERO carbon footprint! So I suspect that he’ll make sure the $2B is spent making NASA even greener in the future. I prognosticate thusly:

“Reduce, Reuse, Re-entry”
  • Spacesuits will be hand-woven by indigenous peoples from sustainably grown organic hemp fibers.
  • Space helmets made from 100% post-consumer recycled paper.
  • Psychotic stalker astronaut chicks will be required to complete their cross-country treks wearing cloth diapers.
  • Shuttle will be painted black so as not to reflect sunlight and increase global warming.
  • In flight movie: An Inconvenient Truth
  • Shuttle’s spent solid rocket booster tanks to be recovered by sailboats. Yay! Wind power!
  • Tang to be replaced with more earth-friendly soy-based Sang.
  • After washing spacesuits, hang them off the shuttle’s mechanical arm to dry.
  • Old satellites should be recycled instead of being left as space trash. Start with weather satellites that aren’t showing increasing global temperatures.
  • Astronaut training centrifuge to be powered by gerbils on meth.
  • Instead of adjusting shuttle orbit with wasteful rockets, just have everyone get out and push.
  • Replace moon with giant compact fluorescent light.

How else can NASA help save our precious planet?

In My World: The Rick Warren Interviews

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“Thank you for being here,” Rick Warren said.
“Uh… er.. you’re… um… welcome,” Barack Obama answered with nervous looks to the audience.
“First question: What is your name?”
“My name is… um… Barry… uh… I mean Barack… um… Obama.” Obama looked quite flustered. “McCain isn’t getting these questions ahead of time, is he?”
Warren shook his head. “No, he’s in the cone of silence. Now here’s the next question: When does life begin?”
“Um… er… I don’t… uh… that questions is… um… above my pay grade.”
“So you don’t know when life begins?”
“I… um… don’t know lots of things.”
“Well, let’s go with more specific examples, then. A ten-year-old: Would you say he’s alive and fully human?” Warren asked.
“Yes, I guess I would… um… probably say that a ten-year-old is a person.”
“Okay. How about a five-year-old?”
“Well… uh… they go to… um… kindergarten, right? So… um… if you go to a… um… government funded school… uh… you’d probably have to be a… um… person.”
“What about a two-year-old?”
“Well… uh… now we’re getting into a bit of a gray area.” Obama could see the audience was a bit cold to him. “Now… uh… I know some people… um… are wondering about my… uh… vote on the… uh… Born Alive Act, but… um… I want to assure you that… uh… I am not for… um… infanticide. I just won’t… um… stop those who are… uh… and I may ask for… um… government funding for them.”
The audience stared at Obama with disbelief.
Obama stretched his collar. “You sure McCain won’t get these questions ahead of time?”
Warren looked insulted by the question. “No one can defeat the cone of silence!”

John McCain sat within the center of the cone of silence staring at its bare, white walls. There was no sound. He was truly isolated. “Rick Warren may think his cone of silence is impenetrable,” McCain said to himself, “but he underestimates the power of DARK REPUBLICAN MAGIC!” McCain began to summon forth the Dark Powers. “Satan, Cthulhu, Skeletor… hear my call! Show me what lies beyond!”
A dark cloud swirled before McCain revealing the stammering Barack Obama. “Muh ha ha ha!” McCain laughed. “Now I’ll know all the questions beforehand! GOP minions, can you hear me?”
“Yes, sir, we can hear you,” answered a minion, “and we’re running each question Rick Warren is asking through a building full of supercomputers to determine that absolute best answer for each. You’ll be so prepared for this interview that in comparison they’ll want to send Obama home on a short bus.”
McCain tapped his fingertips together. “Excellent. I see Warren is asking a question on faith. I’m going to tell a story of a Vietnamese guarding drawing a cross in the sand. Make sure that other people will back me up; brainwash them if necessary.”
“If you’re going to make up a story,” the minion said, “why not have it be about you doing something Christian?”
“Bah!” McCain shouted. “I’m the master of evil! Don’t question my methods! We should just feel lucky those meddling Kos Kids haven’t found out that I was never a POW and spent the Vietnam War at the North Pole punching baby seals in the face.”
McCain watched as Obama stammered in response to more questions. “So, what did you guys do to him to make him look so stupid?”
“We didn’t do anything.”
“Hmm. Maybe we’re putting too much effort into this.”

Operation Rumor Has It – Part 5

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Some Operation Rumor Has It suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

Congratulations, it is about time that people stop talking about the weather and finally getting around to doing something about it.
I have a few concern however that leaves me in kind of a quandary I have been watching the Olympics on TV and I think that it is great that it shows how wonderful the Communist system really is and how happy the people are being taken care of by the Chinese Government.. But I am a bit troubled by the Olympic Flame constantly burning and warming our precious planet. Another thing that worries me is that the Olympic Stadium looks like a giant birds nest. Don;t you thinks that birds seeing this may decide not to make their own nests? It would be tragic if future generations of birds do not have the inherent knowledge to make their own nests! Perhaps we could let the Chinese know that we thing they are great, but perhaps they could extinguish the flame now and tear down the stadium when the games are over.
Sincerely,
A Fellow Traveler

Hi, im new to this. I live in N.Calif. and lately I’ve believe we are being exposed toan enemy as lethal as the effects of carbon dioxiode. Static seems to be everywhere Wireless energy (i.e. internet, tv remote controls, garage door openers, cell phones, ATM or i guess elec. data transfers, etc) is not grounded like telephone lines and electricity. Common sense says when any one of those towers out there get overloaded, the signal will jump to the next available source like TV antennas on houses and even to the ore in our soil like iron that is so abundant.
Over the last few months others in my neighborhood have noticed that sound goes dead. I live 1 block off a major thrufare thru our town and every single day you can’t even hear the traffic. I found out from a friend that use to work for the telephone co., that this vacuum of sound is caused by sound waves colliding with each other. It happens 20x a day or more. Wireless eneregy like any energy (i.e. sunlight, electricity) must also have magnetic and elec. fields. If the air is getting flooded with wireless energy then it must be flooded with magnetic energy. If this is so, then magnetic energy fields have just as much potential power to trap heat emissions as the vehicles that cause the emissions.
I don’t know. It just seems like static energy is 100x more abundant here than I’ve ever noticed before. About 30% of the elec. poles in this town you can hear the buzzing and it only seems to be getting worse. Also their is talk around about hydraulic sewer systems releaseing negative ions. If true, then both wireless energy and the addition of negative ions have the ability to encompass a much more major role in effecting global warming then even most of us could imagine.
Im concerned. Wondering whether others have considered this potential problem in the effects of global warming.

I’ve read Mr. Gore’s spectacular plan for becoming energy independent in 10 years. I’ve read his information on solar panels and think he’s missed something really, really basic that would help a great deal. We need to pass a law making daylight savings time mandatory all year for everyone – no more special cases (DO YOU HEAR ME ARIZONA?). If you think about it, the extra hour of daylight we get from daylight savings time could mean mega-joules of electricity for everyone having solar panels on their house right now and in the future more people would want to take advantage of this free energy source by purchasing solar panels for their existing houses or if they built houses they would want to have the solar panels added to the house because of the extra free energy available all year round (except at night) and maybe even people like landlords would want to add solar panels to their apartment buildings so they could charge the same rent but make more money because of the free electricity they’d be getting and they could put in electric appliances for all of the tenants so they wouldn’t be making all the carbon dioxide from using gas appliances or even malls could have solar panels and not be open at night when the solar panels don’t work as well – not to mention the public schools who should be using solar panels and not wasting my tax dollars on the inefficiencies of lighting classrooms with carbon producing fossil fuels or even nuclear energy (now that makes me pig ‘biten mad) – well you get the idea – and I got to say that a Nobel winner (that was a dynamite award by the way) like Mr. Gore should have thought about how to get extra daylight too.
Thanks,
Franki

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