As you’ve probably heard by now, China had a little girl lip sync their national anthem because the little girl who actually sang it has buck teeth. The craziest part to me is how China just comes out and says it’s in their “national interest” to make sure the little girl singing their national anthem isn’t ugly by their standards because, you know, that’s what we’re all judging their primitive, totalitarian regime on. I’m really worried China is going to take this whole Olympics thing as an indication we accept their government for what it is when really we all mock it as a socially-retarded, anachronistic tragedy like something out of the stone age or the Middle East.
I know what we should do. We should steal their pandas. That’s the one thing China can hold over other countries. “If you want pandas, you be nice to us!” The pandas we have in the States are actually on loan from China. We don’t own any pandas. That needs to change. We need to come out and declare that those pandas are now property of the U.S. We should also send in troops to liberate all the other pandas China has. They’re probably just executing the ones that aren’t cute enough anyway. Yeah, let’s see how China does up there all alone without their precious pandas.
An illegal war for panda bears? Ehh, fine by me.
… like something out of the stone age or the Middle East.
Gold, Frank, gold.
I agree that we need to end the panda monopoly. Stupid totalitarians.
Lets not only take their pandas, but lets drill for oil through their thick panda skulls.
But American liberals LOVE pandas, Frank. “Oh, aren’t the pandas sooooo cute?! Gee, the Chinese are sooooo wonderful for sending us their pandas!!” (overgrown rats)
No blood for pandas!
Indeed. The time has come to end the worlds groveling addiction to foreign Pandas.
I say we take all their pandas, and all their cute anima girls (or am I thinking Japan). Then we also take their soy sauce and their fortune cookies, as well as all their lead. They wouldn’t have anything to hold over our heads then.
#7 – Posted by: Marvin on August 13, 2008 11:07 AM
Canada already makes our frozen Chinese food (true story!), they can take over the rest of china’s dutys. As for the Pandas, maybe instead of invading, we can convince them to trade Panda’s for Polar Bears, hopefully by the time they realize Polar Bears are man-eating monsters it will be to late.
did you see the interview of pres. bush by bob costas on nbc? he asked the pres. about this very issue. bush gave a great answer. go look it up.
oh. and did you know that fortune cookies were invented in san fransisco? that means they might be gay, but they’re certainly not chinese.
guess we should start calling them possibly-gay fortune cookies…
Forced repatriation of pandas ignored by the main stream media. I smell a cover-up.
Ok, so fortune cookies are not Chinese, Anima girls are from Japan, and Canada makes all our Chinese food. Can we still liberate all their lead. Instead of putting into toys, we would be smart enough to make it into bullets.
Also, instead of buying lead for reloading bullets, couldn’t I just melt down all my child’s recalled toys? Or does using lead taken from a Barbie Doll somehow make the shooter gay? Or does the fact that you own a gun and melt down children’s toys to make ammo cancel out any gayness?
You ask a lot of questions, #11. I have no answers. Personally, I’m still stuck on China’s buck teeth problem that Frank raised (not to mention their ugly pandas). It’s a pandemic and I think the UN should look into it and send in 100,000 armed orthodontists.
Do the Chinese not realize that those two little girls look identical…as do the rest of them?
Hey Marvin, it’s anime,not “anima”. It’s pronounced awe-nee-may (アニメ) in Japan or oftentimes aah (as in apple)-nih-may in English.
#14 – Posted by: Joel on August 13, 2008 02:44 PM
Don’t be stupid, he meant the cute true selves of girls, not cartoons. Jeeze, some people.
Only the chinese would, rather than fix her teeth, have another girl lip sync, and give the actual singer a complex while they were at it.
Sheesh.
Hear, hear, Frank! At least someone who’s willing to tackle this issue head on. China’s monopoly on pandas is not only unfair, but a great way for them to buy influence. “You give us Olympics, we give you two pandas.” That’s how they bought off the Olympic commitee. Sure, everyone thought it was their commitment to improve human rights and allow those MSM candyasses full freedom to report. We know now what BS that turned out to be. And why did those guys at the Olympic commitee not say squat when they violated their word as all good Commie SOBs do? ‘Cause the damn Olympic commitee already had their two pandas so they didn’t give a crap.
So yes, let’s steal the pandas. Now is the perfect time, what with the Olympics and the Georgia-Russia was having everyone’s attention, we send in some SEALs and it’s say goodbye to the pandas, Mr. Chicom!
The only catch is that pandas only eat a certain bamboo that only grows where the pandas live. Fortunately, ground up liberals taste just like that bamboo to the pandas so that problem is solved.
Yes, #17, but just a technical point. Recall that it only works if you first treat “ground liberals” with the special enzyme called “trisocialmalaise.” This removes the foul taste and smell and renders the mass into a soothing, green pudding that pandas love, similar to green slime. Good call, though.
Warning….rant ahead:
This story did not surprise me. We have been in the process of trying to adopt from China for the past 3 years. It has been excruciating. Of course it will all be worth it, but still depressing to know their orphanages are full of children (mostly healthy girls due to one child policy and strong cultural preference for boys) and yet the govt. refuses to release them to all us waiting families because they’re more concerned about their image on the world’s stage. Those that made it to an orphanage are the “lucky” ones – abandoned in a cardboard box at a park or fruit stand but with the hope of eventually finding a forever family. Those who didn’t died to abortion (ultrasounds to determine sex are illegal, wink wink) and even murder after birth. And if you think this story is bad -you should see the children China doesn’t want and deems as “special needs” due to minor, correctable problems. They can’t believe Americans are lining up for them, too!
Yeah, we don’t mind buck teeth in the US of A!!!
Sorry, I know this wasn’t funny. China is a sore subject right now in our family. Had to let off a little steam!
Maybe we could get an islamofascist to behead a panda and make a film of it..
Put it on YouTube and scare the Holy Crapola out of the chicoms!!
Should we let China keep the bucktoothed pandas?
#19 – Sulamie. Don’t give up hope!
My sister went to China with a couple who were friends of hers last year to pick up a little girl they were adopting.
I met the little tyke two weeks ago when we drove north for a family reunion.
She’s adorable.
I’m waiting to see how the Chinese deal with the muslims who ordered the hit on those 16 police officers killed by a bomb last week.
in 1218, Genghis Khan sent 2 ambassadors and a hundred merchants to open trade with the muslim kingdom of Khwarism.
At the border the Khwarismian in charge seized the goods and had everone murdered.
The Mongol army climbed the moutains, took the town, and killed the official by pouring molten silver in his ears.
Then they got Really ugly!
In 1258 they rolled over Baghdad and seized the Last Caliph.
Because shedding royal blood was a sign of disrespect they rolled him up in a rug and trampled him to death.
This inspired the European legend of a Christian wizard named Prestor John who ruled a rich and distant kingdom (I guess they figured that anyone who fought muslims must be christian).
China vs Islam? I’d pay to watch that!
KKHHAAAAAANNN!!!
Thank you 4 of 7. We love hearing about families who brought home their child! It’s encouraging because we know that at the end of all this we’ll finally have ours, too. We are re-doing expired paperwork a THIRD time now(sheesh it was expensive the first time around – we never dreamed we’d have to do it a 2nd, let alone 3rd!) Our family can’t wait ’til it’s our turn to go! My youngest son is a little worried, though. He says “no matter what” they are NOT going to get him to eat fried scorpions or puppy brains – haha! I told him not to worry – I’ll pack lots of granola bars. Well thanks again…in the end China will have all our family’s money, a bunch of dumb pandas, some of the world’s nastiest food, but it’s us who “win” and are blessed!