“Thank you for being here,” Rick Warren said.
“Uh… er.. you’re… um… welcome,” Barack Obama answered with nervous looks to the audience.
“First question: What is your name?”
“My name is… um… Barry… uh… I mean Barack… um… Obama.” Obama looked quite flustered. “McCain isn’t getting these questions ahead of time, is he?”
Warren shook his head. “No, he’s in the cone of silence. Now here’s the next question: When does life begin?”
“Um… er… I don’t… uh… that questions is… um… above my pay grade.”
“So you don’t know when life begins?”
“I… um… don’t know lots of things.”
“Well, let’s go with more specific examples, then. A ten-year-old: Would you say he’s alive and fully human?” Warren asked.
“Yes, I guess I would… um… probably say that a ten-year-old is a person.”
“Okay. How about a five-year-old?”
“Well… uh… they go to… um… kindergarten, right? So… um… if you go to a… um… government funded school… uh… you’d probably have to be a… um… person.”
“What about a two-year-old?”
“Well… uh… now we’re getting into a bit of a gray area.” Obama could see the audience was a bit cold to him. “Now… uh… I know some people… um… are wondering about my… uh… vote on the… uh… Born Alive Act, but… um… I want to assure you that… uh… I am not for… um… infanticide. I just won’t… um… stop those who are… uh… and I may ask for… um… government funding for them.”
The audience stared at Obama with disbelief.
Obama stretched his collar. “You sure McCain won’t get these questions ahead of time?”
Warren looked insulted by the question. “No one can defeat the cone of silence!”
John McCain sat within the center of the cone of silence staring at its bare, white walls. There was no sound. He was truly isolated. “Rick Warren may think his cone of silence is impenetrable,” McCain said to himself, “but he underestimates the power of DARK REPUBLICAN MAGIC!” McCain began to summon forth the Dark Powers. “Satan, Cthulhu, Skeletor… hear my call! Show me what lies beyond!”
A dark cloud swirled before McCain revealing the stammering Barack Obama. “Muh ha ha ha!” McCain laughed. “Now I’ll know all the questions beforehand! GOP minions, can you hear me?”
“Yes, sir, we can hear you,” answered a minion, “and we’re running each question Rick Warren is asking through a building full of supercomputers to determine that absolute best answer for each. You’ll be so prepared for this interview that in comparison they’ll want to send Obama home on a short bus.”
McCain tapped his fingertips together. “Excellent. I see Warren is asking a question on faith. I’m going to tell a story of a Vietnamese guarding drawing a cross in the sand. Make sure that other people will back me up; brainwash them if necessary.”
“If you’re going to make up a story,” the minion said, “why not have it be about you doing something Christian?”
“Bah!” McCain shouted. “I’m the master of evil! Don’t question my methods! We should just feel lucky those meddling Kos Kids haven’t found out that I was never a POW and spent the Vietnam War at the North Pole punching baby seals in the face.”
McCain watched as Obama stammered in response to more questions. “So, what did you guys do to him to make him look so stupid?”
“We didn’t do anything.”
“Hmm. Maybe we’re putting too much effort into this.”
After 46 years, there are absolutely no accomplishments to show that he’s actually done anything. Should we, perhaps, be asking if Obama is actually alive?
#1 that answer is above his pay grade
Frank is just full of win today.
Lightweight With a Microphone is seeing huge drop-off in that vaunted Youth Vote and among the true liberal crazies. He’s held a flat-line EKG in polls overall despite his Grand European Victory Tour. The non-visit to troops in Germany only added to that noxious odor.
If the rowdies in Denver perform as a true 1968 fracas, and if the media can be shamed into showing these same nut-jobs (as they are SURE to show at the GOP gab-fest), perhaps the general TV public will see these stunningly stupid socialist swine for being the virulent disease that they are.
“Look, cop, don’t be so damn ignorant. You gotta BEAT me. I need the P.R. bruises for the photo-op.”
“Kid, you either take this ducat for the free haircut and the pass to the damn zoo, or we’ll have to give you tent space somewhere to protect you from the great outdoors.”
The last 3 lines killed me. lol. Too early to laugh like that.
It was good when you were making fun of old Barry. But when McCain called on Skeletor and Satan, I nearly lost my coffee.
Yes yes yes yes yes. The only thing missing was McCain calling on Karl Rove along with Skeletor and Satan.
I’m with AlaskaNick, this was okay funny, but that last line made me laugh out loud.
Hey Nick, are you in Alaska? Do you want to go clubbing tonight?
Somehow, your portrayal here of McCain as an evil ‘Rovian’ personality doesn’t quite fit his actual ‘Maverick’ image which is probably much harder to represent.
Punching baby seals in the face…LMAO!!!
Bee-yootiful! The only really disturbing thing about it is that for all we know, that is exactly what happened.
You know, I laughed at this but I’m soooo disgusted with BO that I feel like I wake up every day now with the taste of Obama-infant-death in my mouth.
Keep it up, Frank!
You pricks at IMAO are really starting to piss us off her at Planned Parenthood! We have dedicated ourselves over the years to giving women a “voice” in the termination of their babies and giving rise to this issue is just plain wrong at every level. So some schmuck doctor botches an abortion and the unlucky “fetal mass” is born “alive”. Our position is that this “tissue” should just be left somewhere (in a storage closet is best) to see if it survives. After all, we get the whole Evolution and the Survival of the…well…you know…argument. If the damn “fetal mass” can’t make it on it’s own without some queer doctor or nurse coming to it’s aid, then it deserves to die…
Jimmy, you have to laugh or one would be reduced to tears that a candidate for POTUS of the United States Of America stands squarely for the killing of babies born alive…and that probably 49% of the population supports him and thinks thats ok… I think I’m personally going to go throw up thinking about a baby getting tossed into a closet to die because some prick at some hospital was so twisted that that was ok…
I’m confused now. I thought Skeletor was Hannity’s cohost. Ya know, the guy who has his head so far up Obambi’s butt he hasn’t seen daylight in a year. So why is he being summoned by McCain?
“I was never a POW and spent the Vietnam War at the North Pole punching baby seals in the face.”
Bwahahaha. This is why I come to this site.
ussjc:
Obama Infant Death Syndrome (OIDS), also known as Obama Death is caused by ends-justifies-the means liberals with no heart, no morals and no decency who have taken over the legislative – and legal – system in this country. And they pander to women who have the audacity to claim the ‘right’ – as public policy – to have their babies killed even after they’re aborted ALIVE!
It’s the sickest thing to happen to America in 232 years.
The obamacidal omens of the “one they’ve been waiting for” are looking really dark and the fArce is with him, while the McCainsian mojo moves on to control the matrix like a powerful jedai! McCain should start talking like Yoda now. “Bad judgement he has.” “Qualified for POTUS he is not.” Etc.
I think I’m gonna get some of those free moveon.borg Obama buttons and use one of those permanent markers to make a thick diagonal line through them so they will be NObama buttons and pass them out at the democrap convention.
The prevaricating pro-death mega-moron may be unelectable at this point anyway. Wonder how many super-demodelegates will realize this and change their minds to vote for Hillery who is secretly the twin sister of Alan Combs separated at birth????
Now that’s what I call entertainment
When you listed the dark powers, you left out Cheney.
#18
You go JImmy. That was awesome.
It’s always interesting for me to hear people talk about how God “lets bad things happen to people”. My question is why should he stop bad things from happening… most people don’t believe in Him, or if they do believe, don’t pay any attention to the things He warns us about. Why would He bother to protect a nation that kills it’s own children, claims to be able to “fix” the climate, refuses to aid those who are being abused by others (Iraq) and seeks to saddle those who are anxiously employed with those who are terminally lazy.
Obama is the worst excuse for a carbon based life form that could have been dreamed up by Gene Rodenberry for his Star Trek empire. Even he couldn’t come up with someone like him, and that’s saying a lot.
My friend seanmahair, there is no way to “wrap-up” our comments to each other here. Besides having a high regard for IMAO commenters whose humor cleverly disguises the shear intensity and depth of their convictions (aye, ussjc, the thought of it brings a tear to my eye), this particular subject along with the defense of my country leave me humorless.
So, personally (and it IS becoming a VERY personal year, dont you think?), I now have two ‘line-in-the-sand’ issues on which to proclaim, “No way Obama.”
The very thought of torturing a human child – in any way – let alone promoting its death – is dispicable beyond words. It evokes in me an anger so primal – so visceral – so utterly human – so properly male – as to…
For those fathers in the audience who, like me, love (their) children beyond words, you are, no doubt, as fundamentally speechless as I am about this.
So, these are not words; they’re protests from my heart and my mind, my seanmahair.
I now return control of this blogging space back to regularly scheduled programming!
thanks for chiming in Frank
Harvey’s blog is a bit of all right
God prefers quality over quantity.
All through the old testament, from Noah on down, God saves His faithful remnant and lets the rest go to blazes.
Christians in Africa and Asia are suffering for their faith while in the west some of our churches are becoming little more than social clubs and new age (old pagan) philosophy is suplanting and infesting our doctrines.
One day missionaries from Africa and Asia, strong with the power of the Holy Spirit tested in bitter strife, may have to come to the west to get all us lost fools saved!
The world can’t win. The Victory is already won!
It just might not manifest itself in a way we’d expect.
“And if you be unwilling to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, … but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
Joshua 24:15
Bwahahahaha!
“…I was never a POW and spent the Vietnam War at the North Pole punching baby seals in the face.”
That was the funniest crap ever about the “cone of silence”.
The cone of silence is that space betweeen Barack’s ears!
P.S. As if this writing, your Google ads is showing moveon.orgs Obama button giveaway.
Cone of Silence!
Jimmy and 4 of 7,
I feel humble to be on the same page as you both. Sometimes I wonder just how long our kind Eternal Father is going to let the nonsense go on.
He is much more patient than I. Some of these folks need a lightening bolt to the ____________(add your own location here). Oh and Jim life is personal, if not it’s not worth living.
I’ve added you both to my list of personal heros.
(It’s the sickest thing to happen to America in 232 years.)
Sad but very, very true.
(Why would He bother to protect a nation that kills it’s own children..)
I agree. It’s why we fast and pray for God to have mercy on America.
I tell my children all the time – if someone is not willing to protect the most innocent and vulnerable members of society, then I doubt he will be willing to protect the rest of us.
(The world can’t win. The Victory is already won!)
Thank you for reminding me 4 of 7!
On a lighter note…while driving today my kiddos tried diverting my attention away from an Obama Hopey Changey bumper sticker. They knew it would get me grumbling so yelled, “Mom don’t look at that car next to us! It will ruin your day!” hahahaha – bless their hearts!
Seanmahair, I’m blushing. Thank you.
Sulamie, You’re welcome.
We should all thank FrankJ, SarahK, Harvey, et al for providing us this forum.
I find daily encouragement here (and laughs).
“Remember today, little brother(1)! Today, life is good.”
(1) and/or sister
#28 Aren’t children just amazing. You must be doing a good job at teaching them correct principles and showing them how much you love and value them. Congratulations.
#29 I try to tell only the truth. You are right. Thank you IMAO dudes and dudettes for keeping the lights on. I appreciate it.
I am thankful as well for those who come and share their humor, cynicism, frustration and amazement here. I have even learned thing from trolls, mostly just not to feed them or they’ll follow you home.
You are up early, madam, #30! Me, I’m just old and can’t sleep past 05:00. Plus, Obama’s text message picking Biden as his VP woke me up and caused a nightmare.