McCain has come out to support the building of more nuclear power plants. This is good, because we’re going to need more power plants to charge all those gay electric cars people say they want, and nuclear plants are the pollution-free way to make power… as long as you don’t consider nuclear waste pollution. And I don’t because it’s in barrels making it easy to ship to some other country so it becomes their problem.
Anyway, I think there are a lot of misperceptions about nuclear power, so I’ll answer some questions.
NUCLEAR POWER FAQ
Q. How does nuclear power work?
A. Donkeys are tied to a large crank which powers a generator. The donkeys are then exposed to radioactive material turning them into super donkeys who can turn the crank at tremendous speeds.
Q. What is the waste it produces?
A. That would be the radioactive donkey poo. It’s removed from the donkey chamber through a series of chutes and pulleys, which is good because you really don’t want to get that on your shoes.
Q. What happens to the nuclear waste?
A. It’s put into metal barrels and then the word “DANGER” is written on it in big red letters. The barrels are then placed in seemingly random locations as witnessed in first-person shooters.
Q. What causes a “nuclear meltdown”?
A. That would be when one of the super donkeys becomes crazy with its power, i.e., has a meltdown, and starts attacking everything, often by shooting lasers out its eyes. This can be difficult to stop as usually the super donkey cannot be harmed by mere bullets.
Q. What steps will new nuclear plants take to avoid a meltdown?
A. The best idea is to switch super donkeys before they become mad with power. Nuclear scientists have found that the easiest way to get rid of the donkeys is to take them to Mexico and put a sign on them saying, “Free donkey.” There is some concern, though, of this causing an increase in illegal immigration due to Mexicans fleeing all the donkeys shooting lasers out their eyes.
Q. How does nuclear power compare to other forms of power?
A. Well, it has more radioactive stuff in it. I don’t know what you’re getting at with this question.
Q. How does it compare to solar power?
A. It’s not as gay… in that’s it’s not something you’d look at and say to yourself, “I bet a homosexual came up with this idea.” Also, it can work at night. If we had solar power and an evil sorcerer cast a spell to put the world in eternal night, not only would we have to deal with constant vampire attacks, but we’d have no power too.
Q. How does it compare to wind power?
A. What are we? Holland? Are we going to start wearing wooden shoes too? Plus, wind varies (just like sunlight) while radiated donkeys are much more consistent.
Q. Why is there opposition to nuclear power?
A. Well, the Democrats are against it because it’s useful, and their main constituency is hippies who are huge into uselessness. Also, animal rights activists are against it to even though donkeys get radiated in the wild like all the time. None of these people are very big, though, so you can just push them to the ground if they get too noisy.
I hope you learned something about nuclear power. That what IMAO is there for. For learning.
Its no Hell Bender, but I couldn’t resist the 5-star rating ’cause learnin’ is good.
I am pleased to hear that you honkeys are actually useful for something.
Oh, “donkeys”….
Never mind, you racist crackers. I guess I will have to go back to them being extermination camps instead of labor camps.
Since the donkey is the symbol of the Democrat party, I’m afraid they will try to take credit for the technology. It seems to me a radioactive paciderm would be able to generate even more power than a scrawny equine wanna-be. All other specs and procedures would remain the same except the irradiated elephants would dumped in India or Africa.
Super donkeys with radioactive donkey poo? I heard that’s what’s about to happen in Denver. The demonstrators are planning to throw poo and urine on Democrats turning them into hot, glowing, asses covered in poo and smelling to high heavens. Super! I say we ship the whole convention to Mexico.
Yup, Nuke plants are manly. Thats why they are up their butts in reactors over in France. Ummm.. What’s wrong with that picture.
Seriously though, we need lots and lots of nuke plants, breeders to recycle the spent fuel and drop the stuff we can’t reuse down Yucca Mountain after telling the smelly hippies to FOAD. But don’t seal the place up because we will probably figure out to to get some additional use out of that stuff eventually.
Does radioactive donkey poo contribute to global warming? I know cow flatulence does.
I have one question, what’s a nuclear power fag? I mean, in the title you call nuclear power a fag but in the post you call solar power gay.
Make up your mind. Geez.
Super Donkeys with lasers shooting out of their eyes? I want one!
Seriously, I knew about the Super Donkeys but I didn’t know about the lasers. Which is why a want one. Can they, like, be domesticated and stuff? Maybe trained to shoot the lasers at liberals on command? Does the radiation wear off and is there a “Re-Radiate Your Donkey So It Can Keep Vaporizing Liberals With It’s Laser Eyes?
I think it would just rock to show up at some liberal Democrat activist thingie with my own Super Donkey and have them cheer me as I parade into the place as they think I’m just celebrating the Democrat Party symbol. Then I gave the command: DONKEY, FIRE LASERS! The shocked look on their faces as my donkey vaporizes them – PRICELESS!
With all that radioactive poo available, the Denver police are sure going to have their hands full during the Demonrats’ convention….
Frank, what if “radioactive” means that super donkeys get active on the radio? Like all the conservative talkshow radio people. Should I be worried about that? Would that be a BAD kind of radioactivity? Shouldn’t we make sure that super donkeys can’t have microphones? Or am I just worrying about nothing?
I think what would be even funnier than this post, is George W. reading it out loud.
burros are good
nuclear power is good
so nuclear burros would be good good
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: I don’t trust donkeys. Expecially since they are so closely related to monkeys (only 1 letter difference!)
I was thinking the Mexi-Cannon would be a good way to get rid of nuclear waste as well as super donkeys.
-from ‘God Among the Ruins: How Congress and American Business Created a New Master Race.’ by S. James-Smyth
“The hero gap (between the United States and the Soviet Union) meant the administration couldn’t be expected to wait around for people to stumble across strangely glowing meteorites or be granted awesome new powers by dying aliens.
So, adopting Dr. Vanguard’s prescriptions, the government began producing a torrent of legislation designed to encourage the development of meta-powers in human populations.
Specifically, this meant rolling back certain well intentioned but naive environmental protection laws that were unfairly restricting people’s access to toxic chemicals, radioactive isotopes, experimental drugs, and top-secret weapons.
It also meant encouraging industry to become more involved in the sloppy transportaion and storage of such substances.”
Where do I sign up?
I hope you learned something about nuclear power. That what IMAO is there for. For learning.
I’m making IMAO part of our homeschool curriculum.
Do you have any related lessons on nuclear fission or nuclear weapons?
Pammy, there two main uses of nuclear fission and nuclear weapons:
(1) Powering aircraft carriers.
and,
(2) Making glass.
I thought it was pronounced nucular.
Pammy, there two main uses of nuclear fission and nuclear weapons:
(1) Powering aircraft carriers.
and,
(2) Making glass.
Glass? really? I need nukes to drink my wine? If we told the libs in Napa Valley this, maybe they’d be on board!
Frank J., you have totally missed the manliness of solar power. Come on, we’ve figured out a way to draw energy from a ball of nuclear fire a million times the size of Earth. How is that now manly? How is that not awesome?
Oh, right, the technology is kinda gay. We need some kind of Initiative to Make Solar Power Less Gay. That would do the trick.
The democrats hate anything logical. They also hate anyone that values human life over animals. We should form a fake socialist party that’s really crazy and have them suggest using whale fat to power our country. Then during the debates the candidate will say “Obama and I agree on almost every issue” Then the undecideds will be like OMG THEY ARE AGREEING ABOUT ALMOST EVERYTHING??? And we will win.
I am very ‘aroused’ at your idea of using irradiated Donkeys however, I am concerned about the enormous carbon footprint that will be escaped into our atmosphere. That’s why I emplore you to use …….. Hippies.
As you well know, irradiating Hippies not only produces a ‘smaller’ more palatable carbon footprint but it also gets rid of the dirty smell in theaters and dark alleys.
Well, I hope this goes through. I haven’t quite fiqured out your login authorization thing yet.
Tootles!
No clever tag line yet.. to be announced.
Actually, there is another use for nuclear fission…..
It’s for the creamy yellow center of Twinkies.
(ie…the term..yellow cake) I rest my case.
(from the halls of inner enlightenment located in the basement of your local mental facility.)
Let them eat cake!