A Russian general has said that Poland is “exposing itself to a [nuclear] strike” by accepting a missile defense shield. Stupid Russians. Isn’t have a missile defense shield the opposite of exposing yourself to a nuclear strike?
We also have a neato agreement with Poland to come to each other’s assistance “in case of trouble.” That’s cool, because America is always getting into trouble, so it will be nice to no Poland will always be around to help us. And if Poland gets in trouble — I don’t know from what — it’s nice we will help them because people are always telling mean jokes about the Polish.
In related news, I think my dog is plotting to bite me. I don’t think it will happen today or necessarily this weekend, but I can see it in her eyes that she’s thinking about biting me. I don’t know what to do. She has powerful dog jaws. She’s unstoppable.
So what do you think we should do about Russia? It was easier when they were Communist; now they’re just becoming your average belligerent dictatorship… but bigger. And if they team up with China… well, they could win a lot of medals. We should spread rumors that the Chinese called Russia dumb babies so Russian will be mad and won’t want to be friends with them. We should then nuke Iran — not all of it, just a part of it — so we can unveil our new nuclear strategy entitled “Nukes Are Fun!” I really hope NASA is hard at work on their lunar payload delivery system, because we may need it soon.
I just hope my dog doesn’t bite me. I should trick her into that metal cage we have and lock her inside. Hmm… maybe that strategy would work on Russia if we only had some giant, Russia-sized metal cage. We could keep it in Canada.
That cage has to be around somewhere. What did they do with the Iron Curtain when they were done using it?
Right before we nuke Iran we get “news” to the Ruskies that the ChiComm women have a hankerin’ for some “lovin” by some real men from the North Country and they like it “Hard and Dirty”! We then make sure Putin’s army is well stocked with their favorite beverage of choice and sit back and watch the fun!
What are the Russians going to do this time? Hand out Russian passports to random Poles and hope some of them are mugged so they have an excuse to “protect their citizens” by nuking Poland? Oooooh, big, brave Russian bear!
This comes from the same cabal that has claimed that Georgia is the aggressor.
Yeah, I can see that. The Russian come into a separate country. Shoot the people, blow up buildings, cause hate and discontent, all because the Georgians, I don’t know… exist, breath, function, see, use the potty.
It appears NASA is already hard at work:
http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/08/15/1436217
Do you suppose there’s any water in Russia? I know, let’s get NASA to check it out.
Cute dog, Frank. Just make sure you do not intensely stare it in the eye, while keeping your face within inches. Might work with Russia, too.
Frank, you might try tricking your dog into that cage by using a treat of some kind. Maybe a mailman or pizza delivery guy she might like to bite too.
You could use that on the Rooskies too. Maybe put some vodka or borscht in there. That’ll get them moving!
The answer to your doggy dilemma is simple, and has already been outlined and used to perfection in Georgia and other crisis around the world.
First, we must form some sort of League or group of United entities, which will then make us an undefyable organization. Then, we’ll tell the dog in very strong language that we will not tolerate the biting of…well, you. Then, after he bites you anyway, we’ll tell him in very strong language that we will not tolerate the biting of…well, you. Then, after he bites you again, we’ll tell him in very strong language that we will not tolerate the biting of…well, you.
This will continue until finally one member of the United entities actually takes decisive action to stop the bitings and end the crisis. While that member is in the process of doing so, the others will chastise that member. Once the bitings have stopped, the United members will condemn the actions of the member who stopped the repeated bitings, while simultaneously honoring the dog with a place on a special committee and apologizing for the actions of the member that stopped the dog from biting…well, you.
It’s really a pretty simple and effective solution that continues to work incredibly well.
When the winter comes, the whole Europe will be frozen to death. That’s why France President and German Chancellor went to Russia immediately. Those stupid Eastern Europe countries, like Georgia, thinks that US can defend them. Is US going to send natural gas to them? Stupid Poli, US treats them today, like Russia treat them 50 years ago. US is creating a buffer zone to protect Continental US by scarifying the whole Europe.
You may say Russia needs to sell oil and gas to the West to support its economy. West can sanction Russia by not buying oil and gas! Not so fast. There is a biggest buyer with huge money waiting by the sideline. Who is it?
Last decade US drew down oil price to bankrupt Soviet. During the last few years, US drew up the price to try to bankrupt China. Now with China raising, US can not have both ways.
US is trying to draw down the oil price now.
So who is the biggest winner in this conflict just doing absolutely nothing and having fun?
BTW, US is just securing China’s oil and gas needs for the next 30 years.
Job well done, Cowboys.
You can use the Obama Solution for the dog situation. Obviously, you and the dog can’t live on the same side of the cage door. The dog has “bigger ears” (which is Double-Secret Rethuglican Code for “not caucasian”), so you must give in to the dog’s demands and lock yourself in the cage.
If you are nice to the dog, you will get food. But, with your history of oppression towards all Canine-Americans, you should not expect any and if the dog lets you starve, then that’s exactly what you deserve.
Hope!Change!
(And don’t bother pointing out the fact that if you starve, the dog will starve too–because that’s just the kind of Hate-Think that got you into this situation!)
I say we just airdrop missile defense systems (without chutes so they can’t actually be used) into Iran and North Korea and let the Russians nuke them.
So who is the biggest winner in this conflict just doing absolutely nothing and having fun?
Wackjob lefties and Russian agents?
Oh, wait, they’re posting their propaganda and ignorant drivel here, so I guess that doesn’t really count as “doing absolutely nothing”….
It’s Djibouti, isn’t it?
They’d better not nuke Poland. I’ve been there and it’s cool. That’s where vodka come from, you know. The Russians just stole it.
Send your dog to bite Russia, and all problems will be solved.
All this news about the Russkies gettin’ frisky and IMAO shows up with a “Find Your Russian Beauty” ad in the right frame.
I question the timing. But I acknowledge that it is very effective pro-Russian propoganda!
“All this news about the Russkies gettin’ frisky and IMAO shows up with a “Find Your Russian Beauty” ad in the right frame.”
That’s Google looking over your shoulder to see what you are reading.
“When the winter comes, the whole Europe will be frozen to death. That’s why France President and German Chancellor went to Russia immediately. Those stupid Eastern Europe countries, like Georgia, thinks that US can defend them. Is US going to send natural gas to them?”
If you take us out of the picture, is Russia going to feed them?
“Stupid Poli, US treats them today, like Russia treat them 50 years ago. US is creating a buffer zone to protect Continental US by scarifying the whole Europe.”
Yeah, because the Atlantic Ocean won’t suffice.
“Last decade US drew down oil price to bankrupt Soviet. During the last few years, US drew up the price to try to bankrupt China.”
No, how many times do I have to tell you – it’s the Jews that are bankrupting other countries. Get your facts right.
Hey Frank, nice lips in that picture!
Where’s the 747 based anti-balistic missle laser?
I’ve been waiting to see that in action for over 10 years!
If other countries’ rockets and satelites just started going poof for no apparent reason it wouldn’t cause me to loose any sleep.
I’m still trying to figure out the connection between Frank’s dog biting him and the Russians biting Poland (or whoever). There simply MUST be a connection here!
Furthermore, I have to report I’ve been on a saltwater beach all day and I’m sunburned and full of beer. So, screw the Ruskies, kiss the Poles and welcome back ussjimmycarter!! (and seanmahair, you just gotta hang around more). Also, this posting and comments made me laugh. OK, never mind.
Glad you had a good day Jim, I spent the day with a cranky two year old, a crankier 2 week old and a really tired and cranky 26 year old. I’d be here more often but at the moment life is complex.
I’ll try to stop by more often.
I read a news story on FARK that said NASA is going to bomb the moon in an attempt to see if there is water. Surely if we could bomb the moon in the name of finding water, we could also nuke it in the name of peace.
The story that hasn’t been leaked yet is that the United States government at the highest levels (President Bush and VP Cheney) are currently in high-level negotiations (on bended knee) with Hillary Clinton to deal with the Russians. It has been determined that she is the only elected official left in the United States government with balls big enough to deal with Putin…
#18 – Posted by: Dodsfall on August 15, 2008 06:24 PM
I’d noticed that with the little ad in the upper-right corner, but didn’t know it applied to so many others.
I actually like to play a little mental game during the (looooong) load time of the IMAO main page. I check the google ad in the corner and try to predict what the upcoming posts will be about based on what ad google sticks in there. I’m usually wrong, but it’s something to do while waiting.
I’m just glad I can start telling “In Putin’s Russia” jokes.
‘No!’ said Merry. ‘It’s no good “getting under cover”. That is just what people have been doing, and just what these ruffians like. They will simply come down on us in force, corner us, and then drive us out, or burn us in. No, we have got to do something at once.’
‘Do what?’ said Pippin.
“Raise the Shire!’ said Merry. “Now! Wake all our people! They hate all this, you can see: all of them except perhaps one or two rascals, and a few fools that want to be important, but don’t at all understand what is really going on. But Shire-folk have been so comfortable so long they don’t know what to do. They just want a match, though, and they’ll go up in fire. The Chief’s Men must know that. They’ll try to stamp on us and put us out quick. We’ve only got a very short time…
Come on! I am going to blow the horn of Rohan, and give then all some music they have never heard before!’
The Scouring of the Shire, Chptr VIII, Book VI, The Return of the King, The Lord of the Rings
p. 310
IRT your canine problem:
‘Vimes flailing hand grabbed a broken branch.
A weapon.
Thought more or less stopped when his fingers closed.
Whatever replaced it in the pathways of his brain was gushing up from somewhere else, thousands of years old.
The werewolf struggled up and turned on him. The branch caught it across the side of the head.
Steam rose off Sir Samuel Vimes as he lurched forward, snarling incoherently.
He smacked the club down again.
He roared.
There were no words there.
It was a sound from before words.
If there was any meaning in it at all, it was a lament that he couldn’t cause enough pain …’
The Fifth Elephant
p. 275
I think we could solve this whole probelm very quickly and easily and maintain plausable deniability.
“loan” Israel a couple of B2s on the condition they return them intact. As an incentive extend the “loan” for one week for each Iranian nuclear facility that no longer exists at the end of the week. Heck why not make it an open ended “loan” an extra week for every communist target around the world that is destroyed that we don’t have the balls the hit ourselves.
Did I just cross a line there? …. Oh well …. it’s going to happen eventually the only question is who pulls the first trigger?
This really isn’t that hard to figure out. Supply humanitarian aid by air, military aid by truck via the border with turkey, and cut the soviet/russian supply lines by means of air power, since Georgia is a sovereign country. We only need the presidents permission.
If Georgia had Stingers, and Javelins, the russians would have to funnel out on the roads that we have already destroyed. Forcing them to flee on foot.
We need to act quickly.
Polish General Pulaski did help us in the Revolution. Poland was there for us at the country’s birth. How sad Poland got partitioned again some years later by Germany, Austria, and Russia.
The US alliance with Poland is totally cool, because now we can call upon their GROM special forces, which are so awesome that Conan prayed to them thousands of years ago, and GROM invented the chain mail bikini.
That is perfect, Brain.
Your own Russian girl may be stunning today,
but tomorrow she could be set on kill