DENVER (AP) – At a train station outside the Democrat convention, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sought volunteers to help ease the severe shortage of gray matter in the Democrat Party, asking one group “can we drill your brains?”.
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“It’s no secret that Democrats have been low on brains for a long time now,” said Pelosi, “as our convention so sadly illustrates. From our presumptive candidate not knowing whether he was in St. Louis or Kansas City, to his mental defective veep referring to him as ‘Barack America’, to our tribute to Ted Kennedy opening AND closing with scenes of open water – dear God in heaven, we just aren’t that bright.”
While some in the Democrat party have advocated clean, renewable sources of brains – such as babies – left-wing scientists are unable to discover a practical method of bringing them out into the world alive so that they can grow. “There’s no commercially viable way to turn these bits of fetal tissue into something that can think like a human being,” noted Pelosi, “even the Pope agrees with that.”
“We’ve tried using trained monkeys as a substitute for smart people,” said the Speaker, “but all that got us was MoveOn.org.”
The Democrat party is currently heavily dependent on brains from overseas, such as Canadian health ministers, Iranian mullahs, and Manifesto-writing Russian philosophers. Such a strategically questionable over-reliance on foreign sources puts Liberals in a precarious position. “What if the rest of the world suddenly stopped thinking in a socially responsible fashion and simply left the United States to think for itself? Some people scoff that this could never happen, but those people have obviously forgotten about the dreadful Reagan years.”
“So I think that, in the end, our only realistic choice is to drill for brains here in the US,” concluded Pelosi. “Then again, ramming a 4-inch steel bit through someone’s skull with a Black & Decker cordless might actually be a monumentally idiotic feel-good pipe-dream instead of a sensible plan for ensuring the future of our nation. But I’m a Democrat, so I really wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”
“We’ve tried using trained monkeys as a substitute for smart people,” said the Speaker, “but all that got us was MoveOn.org.”
That’s some weapons grade snark right there. Kudos.
Harvey, you should have warned us with this:
*** Coffee Spillage Alert ***
I was wondering if her vacant stare meant that the back of her head is missing. It was “trepanned.” (A new word for the day. I did not know that! Thanks, Harvey.)
soo goood. brains…
Zobamies? Ozambas? Ozambies.
Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Niiiiiiiiice. And #3 has a good angle to explore, as well.
But seriously, I’ve been wondering lately about the lack of brainpower found in liberals today relative to that of the average three-toed sloth. I seem to remember days of yore when most liberals seemed to compare favorably to spider monkeys at the very least. Sometimes poodles. This is a disturbing downtrend in liberal smarts…wait a sec…no, it’s not really disturbing me…ah, that’s only feelings of despair over the general aptitude of the human race, not pity for liberals. Whew, I’m okay now.
Nicely done, Frank.
Very funny!
How about brains from illegal immigrants? The only caveat I could see would be that they wouldn’t speak English anymore but it’s not like we understand them anyway.
And #3, you stole my idea! heh
Some Congress critters are already being fitted with a new, experimental bionic proboscis that punches into the back of the head to extract the precious gray gold. Before that they had to rely on the gruesome ritual of lulling the victim into a state of paralyzing boredom with speeches about fiscal policy, then crack the skull with their thick, cigarette stained fingernails.
Ms. Pelosi has a natural brain sucking proboscis, but it’s located lower on the anatomy.
Oh yeah… -that’s- why I come here. Nicely done, Harvey. This may be among your best.
Very well done Harvey, liberal lunacy in a nutshell. But enough about Pelosis face.
It takes a spillage.
We ARE in a fight for the human mind, aren’t we?
Maybe she thought she was talking to the unborn. Oh wait, they don’t ask to drill their brains, they ‘choose’ it.
Some of your best, if not THE best work you’ve ever done, harvey!
LOL, RightWingTink! “It’s not like we understand them anyway”!
sigh I just hope the election doesn’t go the way of the “Ozambies”.
I support Pelosi, and am insulted by this.
I question your comma, I question your comma, <3 Pelosi. But it was very funny. Both your comment, and, your, name.
Very, very, very nice my friend. There is nothing left to say.
Marx was Prussian (aka German) not Russian… but I’m sure that’s what you meant.
…also, did this remind anyone else of that movie “Fortress”? I wouldn’t suggest that democrats watch that movie. They may think installing mind controlling computers is a good idea.
Yeah, that’s your A Game, Harvey.
Speaking of idiotic moments, I just caught Al Gore walking off stage to the tune “Let the sun shine in” from the end of Age of Aquarius.
Al Gore – Global Warming – let the sun shine in????
Age of Aquarius – Not putting a lot of distance between themselves and drug use and new-agey funk.
While typing that – I heard one more – they sold 20,000 more tickets than they have seats at the arena.
I’m beginning to think Fox News is redundant – We don’t need anyone to point out where the democrats are complete idiots. They are perfectly content to do it for us.
Good grief – just doesn’t end.
Michael McDonald – Doobie Brothers???
He slipped and said “God shed my grace on thee”. Who died and made you Obama?
Perhaps a better song choice would have been “What a Fool Believes”.
#3 thanks the posters for their enjoyment of his zombie joaks and only wishes he signed his name. 😐
I’d say Nancy spends too much time thinking about the other kind of drilling.
I’m gonna call you Anonymous.
Brilliant, as always, Harvey!
Fantastic job!