Since people often use the phrase, “I put my pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of you.” to say that they’re no different from everyone else, if you make some sort of stand that holds your pants open and allows you to jump into them — putting your pants on both legs at the same time — does that make you inhuman? Or perhaps superhuman? I’m just asking because I’m thinking of making one of those stands.
Doesn’t Batman use one of those?
Just have your wife hold ’em open. And if the zipper ends up in the back, well, that means you’re queer.
My best advice is to measure your inseam carefully before building the device. An inch or two too high from the floor while jumping into a pair of pants could be painful.
Astronauts put their pants on both legs at a time.
I simply can’t top Jimmy’s! LMAO!!!
Forget building a stand. I’m just going to buy a robot to put my pants on for me. But it better not sound like C-3PO when it talks. I don’t want no queer robot near me when my pants are down.
Easy. Sit on the edge of the bed, lean back gripping the trousers at the waist, then cram both legs in at the same time. No need for block and tackle, or subservient spouses.
It’s climbing out of your pants that’s more problematic, usually involving hopping around on one foot while unhooking the pant leg from your other foot. Far less graceful, and potentiually dangerous.
I’m not wearing any pants, so this is really amusing to me.
You should just go to Home Depot and hire a couple of “guest workers” to hold open the pants that Americans don’t want to hold open. Say hello to Senator Biden while you’re there. :o)
Wouldn’t it make more sense to build ‘smart’ pants that have nanobots, so that your pants could put themselves on? Think of all the other benefits as well… they could expand out the fabric over my left butt cheek so that my big, fat, republican, cash-filled wallet doesn’t make me sit all askew.
The late Cus d’Amato, who trained both Floyd Patterson and Mike Tyson (early in Tyson’s career), used to put his pants on both legs at a time, using the method described by PaleoMedic, just so he could tell people that no, he didn’t put his pants on one leg at a time, just like everybody else.
Btw, the people that say that are amputeeists who are prejudiced against those that may not have all their limbs due to accident or birth defect or whatnot. Some people can only put their pants on one leg…and then that’s it, they don’t get “at a time”.
Some people can’t even do that because they don’t have any arms. They’re the people who need a special stand so that they can jump into their pants. How dare you mock their pain, FrankJ! You should be ashamed of yourself.
Some people are Black Knights who always triumph, despite becoming a quadruple amputee throughout the course of a swordfight. If you repeat that cute little phrase to his face, he’ll bite your legs off, you yellow bastard.
One last thing, if you don’t make gold records after you put on your pants one leg at a time, you definitely don’t deserve to have a two-legs-at-a-time pants stand…even if you do add more cowbell to this site.
windbag Says: I’m not wearing any pants, so this is really amusing to me.
Me neither.
Is this an open invitation for ‘random thoughts,’ Frank? Or would that be considered off-topic spam?
Oh, congrats to G Fresh and PaleoMedic for their photo gravatars. That’s gutsy, guys. I’d use a photo for me but I grew a beard and now you can’t see my face through the bush!
Jimmy,
I’m a handsome bastage, no?
Basil, though, is much younger than I thought.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear …. I AM NOT GAY!!! Thus I need a mans pants jumping stand in men’s size 38. I am absolutely queer to have one. I can not wait to jump the pants.
TIP: Going a little baggy on the pants makes entry much easier. You can also shoplift like the baggy pants boi’s as a side benefit.
Random thought: We need to find a way to combine beer and steak into one tasty delicacy. We’ll call it steer.
Indeed, Paleo, it is. And you’re right, Basil be just a wee lad. And even Frank’s not dry behind the ears yet, either! This, of course, in comparison to us old ‘veterans’ here.
Frank, suggestion: Put up an “Anything goes” thread. I’m having trouble laughing as our country goes down the tubes and we need to keep our perspective. (Apparently, ussjimmycarter is still able to laugh for reasons that are unclear. I guess there’s no changin’ old geezers!)
I’ve been expecting the scene in a movie where someone says to our hero, “Hey, he puts his pants on one leg at a time” and then you see the guy jump into the air and put on both legs at once.
As the bottom falls out of the stock market, I’ll be out splitting firewood and picking green tomatoes. Gotta get ready for a baaaaad winter.
If you wear a kilt you can put them on both legs at a time, but then you’d be gay.
Hope this helps!
Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pShf2VuAu_Q
And Proud Infidel steals my comment. We Scots don’t wear pants but we do put our kilts on both legs at a time. Of course, according to Groundskeeper Willie, during the heat of battle, we also wear a full evening gown covered with sequins. The point is to blind your enemies as you attack.
Great article Frank. Made me laugh.
I’m John McCain and I am insisting on a new federal pants buyout program to get this economy moving!
Barack puts my pants on as many legs at a time as I tell him to.
GeeSuS … Franky after watching that video I think you have been powned. Whatever powned is.
Don’t Frank! If you put on both legs of your pants on at the same time, you will unleash an power too evil to imagine!
No, I’M John McCain. ussjimmycarter is an imposter! I just want to say that I’ll work with ANYONE to overcome our pants crisis. We have to work together on this. Look, last time I checked, we all put our pants on the same way every morning (except for some blogger named Frank J. who jumps into his). But some families are having a problem affording pants (like ussjimmycarter), so I propose a new, Federal Pants Partnership program! The Federal government will help you own your own pants by buying them with you! Let us help you get into your pants! We can work together to to buy and wear pants. Together, the FPP will save your pants (and your a$$). If this program works properly, we will even be able to get into your shorts. Trust me. I’m John McCain and I approved this message.
Come join the Pants Party, dedicated to providing pants to everyone that can’t afford them. Here is the transcript for our campaign commercial…
Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The… party. With the… with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there’s a party in your pants and that I’m invited?
Brick Tamland: That’s it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don’t want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Damn, I think you’ve inadvertantly discovered the power source for Chuck Norris.
I know a math professor named Edward Burger who can take his pants off with his ankles tied together. I saw him do it once in a guest lecture. It was just about the most exciting thing I’d ever seen in a mathematics context.
The way I have usually seen this is, “He’s no better than anybody else–he still puts his pants on one leg at a time,” apparently meaning that if you do it another way you are better than everybody else. On the other hand, there’s a children’s story called “The Three Sillies,” in which the silliest fellow keeps trying to jump into his pants both legs at a time.
As to the kilt, as long as you’re not putting it on over your head you’re ahead of the game.
There was an old Wizard of Id comic where the king jumped off his bed to land in his tights, suspended on the bed posts, with both legs in one deft move.
I guess that would make you our ruler.
Come on!! You don’t need a stand for that. Do what I do. Well, not always – just when I have to dress up while I’m still watching some movie on the comp… Just sit down and put the pants on… Put both legs in, and then stand up to pull the pants up the rest of the way.
Simple. No stand. Just sit.
But I’d like to warn you… I don’t feel superhuman doing this.
And I almost forgot…
check THIS out –
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=pShf2VuAu_Q
None of them look superhuman to me, by the way…
😉
Actually, I sit on the edge of the bed and put both pant legs on at the same time.
I like What Rush Limbaugh said: “Don’t be afraid of Hillary Clinton; she puts her pants on one leg at a time … just like any other man”.
It just occurred to me that those “in the public eye” who say that most often are wealthy enough to have someone else dress them in the morning and thus do not really know how “real folks” put their pants on. They’re just floundering around trying to find someway to convince us they are “just” like us. They’re not and no amount of Arugla is going to make it so.