Some of you are saying that if Obama doesn’t produce whatever you consider to be an actual birth certificate, then the Constitution will catch fire and explode. If you want to get technical, though, there isn’t actually any mention of birth certificates in the Constitution.

Microsoft has a lot of problems with Vista. I even just downgraded my work computer to XP because I got sick and tired of it. So here are some Vista slogan suggestions to help them out.

WINDOWS VISTA SLOGANS

* The computer model said it was bug free (though the computer model kept crashing since it was running on Vista).

* If it ain’t broke, add tons of pointless features until it is.

* Get the full potential out of your computer! (in that it will be using all its memory and processing power constantly, even when just displaying a text file)

* If you downgrade to XP, you’re eventually going to miss those translucent titlebars.

* Yeah it sucks, but Macs are for communists and homosexuals, so what are you going to do?

* Trade speed and reliability for some neat photo editing features you’ll probably never use.

* Incompatibility with your old software and hardware is just motivation to try new things!

* You pretty much have to buy it when you purchase a new computer, so we don’t even really need a slogan.

I have a confession: I’m the Senate Candidate 5 referred to in the Blagojevich complaint.

Let me explain. I hear this guy Blagojevich has some great deal on something, and it’s getting near Christmas so I’m keeping an eye out for deals. So I go meet with this “Blago” guy downtown to see what he has. He tells me he has a Senate seat for sale. Now, I wasn’t really that interested in a Senate seat, but still I figured I might as well ask how much he wanted.

He tells me three thousand dollars.

So I’m like, “Three thousand dollars is a lot of money… in this economy.” Again, I didn’t really want a Senate seat.

So he tells me, “This isn’t just any Senate seat. This Senate seat used to be owned by international celebrity Barack Obama.”

Now I was interested. That could be a real conversation piece. Friends would be like, “I hear you’re a Senator.”

And I’d say, “Yeah, but guess who used to have this Senate seat: President Barack Obama.”

Still, I was a bit suspicious. I looked up this guy Blagojevich before I met with him, and according to Wikipedia he is the Governor of Illinois. Even so, the name really sounds made up and anyone can edit Wikipedia. So I tell him I need some certification to prove this Senate seat was actually owned by Obama. He shows me the certification and it looks pretty official, so I decide I should go ahead and buy the Senate seat. I’m guessing he could have gotten a lot more for it on eBay, but he really needed the cash right now for some reason. Whatever; great deal for me.

Or so I think.

I get home and tell my wife what I did, and it’s me buying myself the Nintendo Wii just before Christmas all over again. She’s screaming at me for spending all that money without talking to her first, and I’m telling her, “Hey, it’s a great investment.”

And she says, “A great investment would be a gun to shoot you in the face with!”

And I’m like, “Honey, come on; we already have plenty of guns.”

So, I get her to calm down, and then guess what I see on the news yesterday morning. Ends up its illegal to sell a Senate seat and they arrested Blagojevich. Okay, fine. But then I hear I might be in trouble.

The wife is intolerable right now, by the way. “See, I told you so!”

Anyway, this is crazy. How was I supposed to know it’s illegal to buy a Senate seat? Why in the world does that burden fall on me? I just assumed Blago knew what he was doing. Next time I go to the supermarket, am I supposed to inquire whether it’s legal to buy each item before I place them in my cart? That’s asinine.

In short, I’d like my three thousand dollars back.