There have been a lot of portrayals of vampires in fiction lately, but know who I think is the most powerful one? The Count from Sesame Street. He can’t be killed by either sunlight or a stake to the heart. Also, I’m pretty sure even a shotgun full of silver shot won’t even stop him (though I haven’t put this theory to test). His only weakness is counting.
Still, I’m not saying he’s as powerful as Grimace who I’m pretty sure is unkillable. I’m just glad he’s on our side. Did you see the one ad for the McDonald’s sundae where he rips apart a polar bear? Grimace is basically an unstoppable force who’s vengeance is as brutal as it is just.
I think you’re on to something with the Count. While he may be very hard to kill, by simply throwing a jar of Jelly Bellies on the floor you could escape while he obsessively counts each and every one.
As for Grimace, he was clearly the prototype for equally evil and unstoppable blob entities like Jabba the Hut and Michael Moore. I alwasy wondered what happened to Grimace’s other arms. He once had four. I’m guessing it was a milkshake IED planted by a patriotic anti-blobby dude jihadist.
Speaking of Michael Moore, I swear on a stack of Bibles that I saw his doppleganger this morning – his perfect duplicate. He was sitting in an old car in a ferry line. I gawked.
So, um, Frank, which other PBS programs are you watching now?
Dear Frank J.,
Can’t you find a rating scale that has .5 stars increments? This post certainly deserves a 4.5 but a 5.0 is out of the question. a 4.0 might work but that’s 80% which is like a B-. There’s got to be one like you had on the old site which would work on the new site. I think everyone (including the Messrs. Happy and Monkey) would benefit from a more accurate rating system.
Sincerely,
Long-time lurker / lolterizt supporter
Erik Wit
Might not be the hardest one to kill, but Angel gets all the girls.
[His hair goes straight up, and he’s bloody stupid! -Ed.]
No discussion yet of Count Chocula. Maybe I’m the only one that’s hungry but I think he needs to be factored in here somewhere.
Paleo: best X-Files scene evah!
I thought silver bullets were for werewolves.
That bit about vampires compulsively counting things is actually folklore-ishly accurate. You sprinkle some small grains like millet on your doorstep and the vampire can’t get into your house until he’s counted every one.
(“One! Heh, eh, eh… Two! Heh, eh, eh… Three! Heh, eh, eh ….”)
Imagine listening to that all night long!
Shoot the Count with a shotgun.
“One! One bleeding wound! Two! Two bleeding wounds!…”
Grimace, who was named for the expression most people have on their faces while sitting on the head a few hours after eating at McDonald’s, represents America’s insatiable appetite for high fructose corn syrup and unnatural relations with clowns. Just a theory…
I remember seeing a special on this… the vampire with OCD. it made me cry.
Well, when we were watching something on PBS with our kids, the “Sponsored by the local GLTB fund” ad came up in a full frontal assault. That was the last time I turned on PBS in our home.
But it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one to remember the great Count! Frank, that’s ONE, AH. AH. AH.
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But seriously, Picture Count Blagovich with a high-collared cape! He’s gotta be a blood-sucker!
Fear not I spelled it that way on porpoise (it sounds less goy)
Photoshop anyone?
Best vampire: Kate Beckinsale in Underworld. Who wouldn’t want to be bit by her and be her slave?
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