The solution to current economic crisis is to give failing businesses money. This is not supported by any economic theory I know, though. The main mechanism of the economy is supply and demand, so if we want an actual solution we need to apply Science! and come up with a strategy based on sound theory. Now, you can increase revenue by increasing demand, but increasing demand means making better products which is a hard thing to achieve definitively. The other strategy to increase revenue is to reduce supply which is easier to achieve. For instance, we could hit farms in other countries with Agent Orange to destroy their crops and increase demand for ours. Also, we can destroy their production plants to increase demand for our products. Another strategy is to threaten to kill people if they don’t import our goods, which falls under the realm of increasing demand. Now, this may cause other countries to react harshly, but that is something outside of economic theory so it must be ignored if we want a solution based on Science! and logic.

Iranians are burning pictures of Barack Obama? Don’t they know who he is? Don’t they feel the hope that he brings? Don’t they know he’s going to take America in a radical new direction? Didn’t they see the Yes We Can video? And where is the fire marshal?

Actually, Iran is probably a little ahead of the curve on realizing what everyone will find out eventually: There is never change. We like to play up on things will be radically different from one politician to another, but the fact that they are politicians makes them about 90% the same right there. Yes, Bush and Obama are different from each other, just like Los Angeles and New York are far from each other — though it doesn’t seem like much of a difference if you’re commuting from Alpha Centauri.

So, in Iran, Obama means change — he’s a new picture to burn.

The gay Episcopal bishop Obama is having for his inauguration was lamenting about how “aggressively Christian” inaugural prayers have been and wants to go for something more neutral. You may just laugh and say, “There goes a liberal, more concerned with multiculturalism than what’s supposedly his religion,” but he might actually have a point if you look at some of the previous inaugural prayers:

“Lord, thank you for this country and its prosperity. And thank you especially for Christianity, the only non-hellbound religion. While Satan made all the other religions, you made Christianity so people who aren’t depraved or a pervert have a religion to be in. May anyone who is not a Christian who hears this stop their foolish ways before Satan claims them forever. Amen.”

“Jesus, please take care of our country. Jesus, the only son of God, help the president in his decisions. As you are the only path to heaven, Jesus, please keep this country on the right path until judgment day comes and all those who don’t believe in you get what’s coming to them. A-Jesus-men.”

“Lord, please watch out for this country. And while watching this country, please keep an eye out for non-Christians and smite them. Please kill them and send them to burn for all eternity in hell. Also, kill anyone who even thinks badly about Christianity. Also kill their families and pets. Thank you Christian God. Amen.”

SarahK is blogging American Idol at Snark Raving Mad. Frankly, I’m happy this year they have less train wrecks… other than Paula.

A judge is saying the reason the “20th highjacker” was never prosecuted was because he was tortured. But here’s the description:

Qahtani “was forced to wear a woman’s bra and had a thong placed on his head during the course of his interrogation” and “was told that his mother and sister were whores.”

Doesn’t that just sound like male bonding?

I forgot to link to this, probably because of my poor showing. IMAO was the third funniest conservative and warranted mention nowhere else. Apparently, back in 2003 I actually had enough exposure to make the overrated list but have since fallen to obscurity. Well, something to work towards this year.

 President Elect Barack Obama announced that the family  has found a new First Dog.  Said the President Elect, “After much deliberation, and after promising my daughters that Hope does indeed hold a brighter, clearer future for all of us. Whether you were born an Obama or married into the Obama family, we are all One Obama family, with one hope, one promise, one dream, and one marvelous dog. Socks the Dog is the culmination of that hope and dream and we pray that God will bless this family with many good and valuable memories. ”

This announcement so confused the press they dropped their preassigned Obama questions. Asked one reporter, without express permissions previously from the Obama team, “Isn’t that a cat? Specifically, isn’t that Socks the Cat?”

As with other selections, this choice of “dog” has aroused a certain amount of pushback from critics who maintain that President Elect Obama has done nothing but recycle the Clinton’s trash, white and otherwise.  Said one critic, “What experience does this creature have in being a dog? I can see if we wanted a cat to take up a less important position, like Secretary of Education, but First Dog has a proud tradition.”

The President Elect, speaking quickly lest he go into nicotine withdrawal, emphasized that in choosing a real dog, he ran the risk of finding one that might accidentally be asssociated with the Bush Administration. Socks the Dog will be moving in with the Obamas next week.