…somewhere in Kenya, a village is missing its idiot!
Archive of entries posted on 20th January 2009
Just wondering…
Question
In My World: Welcome the New
“I think I’ve been a pretty good president,” Former President Bush said.
“I don’t know where you’d get that impression,” Cheney grumbled.
“In a hundred years from now, I think people will look back on me as a success,” Bush said.
“The country won’t exist a hundred years from now and you’ll be forgotten.”
“The American people are going to miss me soon.”
“The American people are going to be too busy with a depression to miss anything.”
“I’m president now!” President Obama said as he popped in to the Oval Office.
“Yes, we know Obama,” Bush said. “I just wanted to go over last minute things with you.”
“I’m smart. People elected me because I’m smart,” Obama proclaimed.
“Yes, we know you’re smart, Obama. You keep telling us that.”
Obama scampered across the room. “What’s this?”
“That’s your desk, Obama. That’s where you make decisions.”
“What’s this?”
“That’s a pen, Obama.”
He grabbed the pen greedily. “It’s my pen. I’m the president.”
“Yes, we know, Obama.”
“What’s this?”
“That the self-destruct button for the world. You don’t want to touch that.”
Obama reached for it. “It’s pretty.”
Bush slapped his hand. “No, Obama. Bad president. Don’t touch that.”
“What’s this?”
“That’s a bucket, Obama. I used it for spitting in.”
“I bet my head could fit inside it!”
“I don’t know about that, Obama…”
Obama picked up the bucket and placed it on his head. He then tried to take it off but it wouldn’t budge. “I can’t see!”
“That’s because you have a bucket stuck on your head, Obama.”
“Mah! Bad bucket!” Obama yelled, trying to pull it off as he ran around in a panic. He then accidentally tripped and went out the window.
Cheney leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, we’re in good hands. I don’t know why we were worrying.”
In Obama America…
Welcome Obama!
I for one welcome our new Obama overlord. I’d like to remind him that as a trusted blog personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to give him tax money and be punished for improper use of free speech.
To explain how things will be so much better now that Obama is president, here is Keith Olbermann:
lolterizt! Part 73
This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From GEAH:
From Steve:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From DamnCat:
Also from DamnCat:
From Hunter
From Labcat
From ussjimmycarter:
From
[reference link]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
The Ten Commandments of Obama
Bad news. Obama isn’t going to show up at the inauguration because he decided the spectacle is beneath him. Instead, he sent his prophets in the media to deliver his ten commandments to the American people. He even chiseled them in stone — or at least he did the first one. He seemed to have given up after that and instead used a sharpie for the rest.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF OBAMA
I. I am thine president, Obama. Thou shall have no other politician before me.
II. For I am a jealous Obama, thou shall make no other idols than of me, Obama. And don’t go crazy emphasizing the ears.
III. Thou shalt not use the name of Obama in vain or confuse it with Osama.
IV. Remember the inauguration day and keep it holy, for it is the day of your deliverance.
V. Honor your Democratic Senators and Representative, for they do the bidding of Obama.
VI. Thou shalt not own a gun nor cling to it.
VII. Thou shalt not get all moralistic about sex stuff.
VIII. Thou shalt not find tax loopholes for that is stealing against Obama.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness or any other kind of witness against Obama in court.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy own money, for it is the property of Obama.
Trading Politicians
It won’t be long.
Just a few hours now, Mortimer.
The wager is not to be settled until the inauguration, Randolph.
Mortimer, you’ve resisted paying up for 11 weeks. Admit it: we were able to have a completely unqualified person elected President of the United States.
The wager was for an unqualified person to actually become president. And, until the actual inauguration, he hasn’t become president.
It’s a done deal, Mortimer. I cannot believe you are being so petty and are continuing to refuse your obligation.
Randolph, I have always been a man who said exactly what he means, and means exactly what he says. The wager was for someone with no qualifications to become the president, and when he becomes the president — if he becomes the president — I will pay the assumed debt gladly.
Two and a half months of your stubborness have taken the fun out of all this, Mortimer.
Well, then, Randolph, let’s make it interesting. What say we place another wager … and make it double or nothing?
That’s most irregular, Mortimer. But, I must admit: I am intrigued.
There is the Senate seat in New York that needs to be filled.
I beg your pardon, Mortimer, but Mrs. Clinton is still a Senator.
But we lined it up for her to be Secretary of State.
We actually planned on her being McCain’s Secretary of State. It was to be another one of his gracious concessions to the left.
Yes, we were fortunate that Biden picked Vice-President. However, everything we lined up for Hillary worked out despite Obama’s election.
Still, she isn’t Secretary of State. Not yet. And still may not be. We can’t let up now, Mortimer.
We’ve been successful in nearly every endeavor so far, Randolph. That one bit of unpleasantness with Winthorpe and Valentine, but overall, we have a very high success rate.
So, Mortimer, what is your wager?
That within one month … by February 20th … Caroline Kennedy will be a United States Senator.
What? You must be joking, Mortimer. There is no way that someone with no qualifications, with no political experience, would ever become a United States Senator!
Randolph, your memory is failing. We managed to have Hillary Clinton, who had no qualifications whatsoever, elected Senator.
We had to force Rudy Giuliani out of the race for it to happen.
We also had Barack Obama elected Senator.
He had served in the State Legislature, though. True, he had no accomplishments, other than some shady property deals. But we forced Jack Ryan out of the race, paving the way for Obama.
Don’t forget that Obama, with no qualifications, won the presidency. So, what makes you think that qualifications mean anything?
I see your point. The bet’s off.