Have you seen the celebrity “I Pledge” video, wherein narcissistic Hollywoodians swear eternal fealty to That One?

Before you hit play, I gotta warn you – get the kids out of the room because you WILL end up swearing at your monitor.

On the other hand, I’d kinda hate missing out on the opportunity to BE THE CHANGE, so maybe I should just go ahead and moo along with the rest of the pledge-cattle:

I PLEDGE…

… to let my car idle for 15 minutes every morning before leaving for work. Gas is cheap and Wisconsin is cold.

… to feed plastic grocery bags to dolphins to cleanse the global gene pool of the ones dumb enough to eat them.

… to wonder… who the hell ARE those people in that video? Seriously, I don’t think I recognized anyone except for that guy who played Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight and maybe some whore from Desperate Housewives. So maybe I’m WAY out of the pop culture loop, but then again, maybe these morons are only famous in their own heads.

… to pat myself on the back for being miles ahead of curve on giving up bottled water, because I never joined that cult in the first place. Seriously, who’d be dumb enough to pay two bucks for a pint of water when it’s damn near free from the tap? There’s a REASON Sir James Dewar invented the Thermos, you know.

… to starve my socialist government of tax revenue by buying Black Market whenever possible. By the way, did you ever notice that “Black Market” is actually just a disgruntled authoritarian government dysphemism for “Free Market”?

… to let the world know that Obama’s head-and-bucket issues have been plaguing him since childhood.

… to accept political defeat without petty acrimony. Unlike some people, I will never use the phrase “he’s not my president”. I will ALWAYS refer to Obama as “my president”, as in “My president is Louise, America is Thelma. Here comes the cliff”.

Anything YOU want to pledge?