Friends, there come a time when we must fight evil at its source. For example, actress Ashley Judd, is bravely fighting the evil Governor Sarah Palin, who “authorized” the killing of wolves from helicopters. Sure this sounds like fun, and tours are available virtually anywhere and you can get a discount if you mention the IMAO name, but that’s besides the point. Of course we can stop the innocent slaughter of harmless wolves whose only goal in life is to take the food (Caribou, Polar Bears, Whales, etc) that would otherwise be used to feed “innocent” women and children. But before we do that we must address an evil that threatens to not only destroy the world, but you and me as well.
(Content warning: Not for women, children, or people with heart conditions.)
Yes, Ashley Judd contributes to global warming! How? Her husband gets in a car, and DELIBERATELY drives around in circles. Sure, other husbands do this too, but normally it’s because we refuse to stop and ask for directions. Ashley’s husband, race car driver Dario Franchitti, does this for a living. Or used to before a benevolent God broke his pelvis and put him out of business for a while.
The Indy speedways, many of which may or may not have been built over ancient Indian burial grounds (which is where Indy get its name), and may or may have displaced countless innocent creatures, have races where not ONE car goes around aimlessly in circles, but MANY cars doing the exact same thing.
Said one innocent child, “I believe this needless driving not only affects global warming and the poor polar bears, but it also affects gas mileage. The Circuit has long resisted complying with increased CAFE standards. This track was built over my home so I live in the empty tire sheds with the stray dogs and tarantulas.”
Won’t you please STOP ASHLEY JUDD today!?? How long must we suffer the scourge of Global Warming. Hurricane Katrina taught us that hurricanes or either better or worse because of it. But the point remains, that if we all work together, we can ensure that we stop this senseless waste. And maybe one day, we can tell our children proudly, “Because of us, we ensured there were no more sequels to the Ya Ya Sisterhood.”
And since her french husband races internationally, he must ship his cars to countries using ships or planes, thus contributing more to global warming. You would think they would be glad to have the carbon offsets by making wolves cease their contribution throgh breathing and forting.
Maybe Sarah Palin should start shooting indy car drivers from a helicopter! Now that takes talent (and is good for the enviroment)!
Ashly Judd— plllltttt Sara Palin—-MMMMMMMMMMMM Yummy Yummy
Ugh. HE’S NOT FRENCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s Scottish. I’ve followed him for years, and I’ve never heard him say anything even slightly political. Don’t lump him in with his stupid wife.
You have it all wrong. Other people are the ones that should be forced to drastically change their lifestyle and suffer economically to stop global warming. The rules shouldn’t apply to celebrities or other important people. She’s simply following the AlGore example.
#4, Billy,
I’m less shocked by the fact that Dario isn’t French, and more by the fact that people are still following Indy these days. :O
Real Alaskans, those who have hunted for decades, respect wildlife and when they take a life, they do it in the most humanely manner possible so the animal doesn’t suffer. Anyone shooting wildlife from a plane is a lunatic and a disgrace to this state.
I’m all for aerial hunting as long as it’s a fair fight. Let’s supply the wolves with some ground-to-air missiles and see how much fun it is for those sickos!
What we should be talkin’ ’bout is Lunar Warming.
What’s funny, Brutus, is that a referendum to BAN the practice of aerial wolf hunting was put to a statewide vote of the citizens of Alaska. The citizens voted nearly 2:1 to allow the practice to continue. I guess Ashley Judd knows more about Alaskan wildlife management practices than those stupid Alaskans do.
#6, Marko,
For shame!!!!!! I love Indy racing. But I realize that I’m a dying breed… 😉
The timing is not just coincidence. Whining about wolves and global warming and Sarah P takes the focus off of Obamuhammad’s economic idiocy. The libs are ‘tards, but they’ve mastered the shell game.
Aren’t the indy cars all hondas now? I mean who would want to watch that?
Anyway not to get serious but an unchecked wolf population would decimate the moose, caribou and even bears. Alaska charges out of towners big bucks for moose, caribou and bear tags for hunting which in turn pays for the conservation costs of the same animals. Having hunters pay to hunt the wolves is a budget decision. Professional hunters don’t come cheap.
Those honda indy cars are a joke.
As an Alaskan wolf who has been hunted from the air numerous times by the murderous Palin of the North, struck thrice in my hindquarters with glancing shots, barely escaping into the woods in the company of endagered Polar Bears, I can tell you that the games have only begun. I don’t care a whit about Ashley Judd or any other human. You may have heard of me, Osama ben wolf, and the Jihadist of the Northern Lights. I am figuring out how to sneak up on Ashley and bite her real good, I tell you. If I get close to Sarah Palin, I will bite her, too. I will bite just about anybody. I will bite my own young, the young of others, and my friendly wolf bitch, given half a chance, especially when I am hungry and starved out of my mind. I go crazy; about the only thing I will not do is eat Little Red Riding Hood. She is just too damned dangerous. As a matter of fact, I am so hungry right now, and so are my cousins and uncles, and the whole Jihadist clan of the North, that we are consulting on our cell phones how to get some of that Defenders of Wildlife money to buy some kibbles and bits. Defenders tell us that they spent the whole lot of the millions of dollars they raised on Ashley Judd records. For a wolf, listening to and Ashley Judd recording, is worse that getting shot in the ass by Sarah Palin. Every time Judd shows up on the tube, I just howl. Just thought you all would want to know that we wolves can tell when Ashley Judd is lining her own pockets with our name. We have also just consulted a Jihadist lawyer down LA way to see if we can’t pounce on Judd for defamation of the wolf population, and the exploitation of our species for a few liberal bucks. First, I’d like to bite her. Bite. Bite.
I UNDERSTAND THE NEED TO SHOOT WOLVES FROM AIRCRAFT–TO STOP THEM FROM WIPING OUT THE MOOSE, CARIBOU AND DEER. I JUST HOPE THEY DON’T SHOOT ALL OF THEM. I WANT TO SHOOT MY OWN WOLF FROM THE GROUND. DONATIONS FOR THE TRIP TO ALASKA TO SHOOT A WOLF WOULD BE APPRECIATED!
It’s nothing personal, Billy. I used to follow Indy myself back in the day before the split with CART. Nowadays, the only open wheel racing I follow are sprints. Outlaws, USAC, etc. But if Indy wants me, I’ll gladly rejoin. 🙂
Can’t her race car driver husband just inflate his tires? (No that’s not a dirty euphemism)
Aren’t properly inflated automobile tires ‘sposed to take care of that global warming nonsense? That’s what Dear
FuhrerLeader said anyway.#9, the moon will be plenty warm soon enough! 😉
If Ashley was truely committed to stopping the aerial hunting of wolves she should pony up some of those hollywood greenbacks so that a few of us concerned individuals could take care of those wolves on the ground. Sporting a few other tags would show that she is truely a conservationist and not just running her yap.
Shooting wolves from an airplane? Pfffffft. Child’s play. Harpooning tuna from a plane – now there’s some sport for ya…
Me and Luke Skywalker used to bullseye wamp rats in my T-16 back home, and they’re not much bigger than 2 meters…
Dario’s parents moved to Scotland from Italy when he was a mere lad. He considers himself a Scotsman. Anyway, he reveres Jim Clark and that makes him OK with me.
Since Ms. Judd hasn’t make a movie that’s made money ever, why would we care what she thinks. Did she use her time unemployed to get a PhD in environmental science or in anything else. Why does what she say even make news. She’s a never has- been.
Fish and Wildlife in Idaho have an on going program to reintroduce wolves. It has pretty well gone without a hitch. Fish and Wild just decided unilaterally to do it. Except for the mysterious decline of deer and elk populations, the killing of hundreds of livestock, a bunch of missing pets and the stained underwear of a number of hikers, everything has gone Great!!!! I think it would be a great photo op for Ms. Judd to come up here and do a “Dances With Wolves” thing. I know I would pay a lot of money for a calendar with 12 different pics of Ms. Judd cuddling up with the fuzzy wuzzy little cuties.
Hey fellers, it’s only NAYCE-kowr what burns gaz-o-lene. Indy cars run on pure, sweet, all-natural ethanol that actually heals the planet as they rotate the course, helping to stabilize that fatal wobble in our orbit. And the exhaust smells like unicorn farts.
Watch for an all-electric racing league, with substantial subsidies, full diversity driver recruitment, and dubbed motor noise, within a season or two. I know I can hardly wait.
Funny that PeTA would be against state-sponsored sharpshooters controlling wolf population in Alaska, when that’s exactly what they endorse for the overflowing deer herd on public lands in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Guess they figure they can’t get wolves East fast enough–though they have been caught trying. They’re down with picking off animals as long as nobody, you know, enjoys it. This week on Sports A’Field: Lon Horiuchi.
They are only using airplanes to shoot wolves? Why aren’t they using airplanes to carpet bomb the wolves? Seems like that would get rid of more of the stinking things faster and would be a more effective use of air power.
“Fish and Wildlife in Idaho have an on going program to reintroduce wolves.”
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To my left is Bob.
Hello.
And to my right, that’d be Steve.
How’s it goin’?
So, like- what’s your last name?
Wolf.
Really? Mine too. Hey, are you related to Jane Wolf?
Why yes I am!
What about Naomi Wolf?
Nah, I hate that bitch- she’s actually a hyena.
Oh, right. Wanna go kill some livestock?
Yeah, sure.
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I can shoot wolves from planes now? Sweet! Lemme load up a few belts of that special wolf-piercing ammo (I got it on Ebay for 69 cents a round) into the ol’ warbird. Strafing runs right coming up! (But I’ll keep the standard anti-liberal proximity ordnance (ALPO) in the outside guns… you know, just in case a windbag actress wanders through my sights while I’m creating wolfgibs.)