Archive of entries posted on 21st April 2009

Frank’s Other Writing Project

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I’ve been wanting to get back to trying to write a novel, and instead of trying to come up with a new idea, I’ve decide to try and expand out Superego into a novel since so many people seemed to like. I went back and read it, and there’s a lot of great stuff in it. I don’t even know where it came from – I think I just started it one day with no idea where it was going – but I think it had a good arc. It could use a lot of work though (hopefully a lot a lot of work since it needs to be about twice as long to be novel length) as I don’t think the tone was consistent and some parts seem silly now, but it has a real solid foundation.

Anywho, for those who were a fan of it, that’s what I’m going to be working on. Any suggestions on it (like what needs more expanding) would be appreciated.

Maybe I can fit a dinosaur with a rocket launcher on it in there somewhere…

Fred Thompson on CIA Prosecutions

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Fred Thompson is not happy about possible prosecution for CIA interrogators. I hear Eric Holder has already been moved to a bomb shelter.

[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/042109rant-interrogationmemos.mp3]

One Last Word on Twitter

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Know who is one of the people who follows me on Twitter.

Fred Thompson.

So know who is gay?

YOU!

Dinosaur Soft

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I have a great idea. What we do is we genetically resurrect velociraptors.

Yeah, I know. They’re too small to put rocket launchers on, but that’s not the purpose here. There are a lot of misconceptions about velociraptors because of the Jurassic Park movies. First off, they’re smaller that they were depicted. Second, scientists are quite certain they had feathers and thus looked something like this.

You see where I’m going with this, don’t you?

We pluck the feathers and we make pillows.

Awesome idea, huh? What kid would not want a velociraptor feather pillow? We could charge like fifty bucks each and the parents would have to buy them because their snot-nosed kids would be like, “I can’t get to sleep unless it’s on a velociraptor! Waaaah!”

It’s a million dollar idea.

Yeah, I know, won’t the velociraptors get really angry if we pull off their feathers? That’s why we have cheap Mexican labor do it. Three dollars an hour to pull feathers off of dinosaurs; they can’t make that kind of money in Mexico.

So, I think that covers everything. Just need to figure out how to resurrect velociraptors for commercial purposes. If you have any ideas, please send them my way. You’ll get a free pillow.

Award!

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Peren of International Biscuits to Virtual Rodents has honored IMAO with the “Pat Sajak Approves of This Blog” Award.

At first I thought “Pat? Who cares! I wanna know if Vanna’s into me… even though she’s been getting kinda uppity since Pat started letting her talk on the show instead of just turn letters.”

But then a light went on in my head, and I remembered that Pat is a Hollywood-hating right-wing extremist who thinks man-made global warming is a wad of hooey.

IMAO humbly accepts his approval.

FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (I’m currently backlogged by about half a dozen submissions – don’t worry, your post is coming), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

Question

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When Obama ordered a $100 million cut from his $4 trillion budget — a cut of one forty-thousandth of his massive budget — do you think he’s just mocking us now?

lolbama! Part 12

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Pat:

From Peregrine John:

Also from Peregrine John:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Susie:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Nicole:

From Basil of Basil’s Blog:

[reference link]

From Bob:

From Jedijson:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Kevin of Exurban League:

From Peregrine John:

[reference link]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [hat tip: Laurie]:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Gay Marriage and Politics

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So, just to be clear, Miss America can’t hold American values? Since Miss California stated the majority opinion on gay marriage — an opinion shared by our very smart president — she didn’t win the Miss America crown. The whole thing is kinda fatuous, so there is only so much I can pretend to care… No, I guess there really isn’t a limit to how much I can pretend to care.

This is the greatest injustice ever!

First of all, why did they have Perez Hilton as a judge? The guy is super gay. He thinks women are icky. How is he going to judge a pageant? That’s like making a deaf man as an American Idol judge — something nearly as ridiculous as making Paula Abdul a judge.

Second of all… I guess I didn’t have a lot of points on this. It’s just weird we’ve been hearing more about how Republicans should come out for gay marriage lately. I’m not sure how that’s smart.

Phase 1: Support position unpopular with a majority of Americans and especially unpopular with own base.
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit!

I’m open to a libertarian arguments on the issue, but politically it’s stupid. Even Guiliani has conveniently decided to be against gay marriage to help him win in the state of New York. New York, people. And sometimes the politically smart thing to do causes Perez Hilton to throw a hissy fit. That’s just how the world is.