Archive of entries posted on 29th April 2009

Award!

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Hart of That Hero has honored IMAO with the “Prettier Than Olbermann!” Award.

Flattered, as always. We’ll just set this one right next to the “Dryer Than Water!”, “Smarter Than An Anvil!”, and “Thinner Than Michael Moore!” awards.

I note that this is the first one of these that Hart has handed out. I’m nominating this blog for the second.

FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 6 Award posts), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

TV Guide

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I saw somewhere that the president was going to be on TV this week. Had you heard that?

Anyway, I thought I heard tonight at 8:00 or something. So, I checked the TV Guide, and saw that “Lie To Me” was on.

Hey, that could be it.

But I kept scanning and saw other shows this week that could have been an Obama news conference:

  • Fringe
  • The Biggest Loser
  • Damages
  • Trust Me
  • Psych
  • Criminal Minds
  • American Idol
  • Lost
  • Foulups, Bleeps & Blunders
  • The Celebrity Apprentice

I never did find out when he was on.

Was anyone else confused about it? Were there any TV show listings that you thought might have been the president’s news conference?

World Ends 2012

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We have only one option: We destroy the sun first.

Think of it, if we can just make our own heat source, we can destroy the sun and free float through the galaxy, tethered to no particular orbit. We’ll be free. Free!

The Purge

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Now that we finally scared Arlen Specter away, enough with putting up with whiny weaklings in the Republican Party. We already can’t break a filibuster, so losing a few more won’t make things worse. It’s time for The Purge™.

Let’s get rid of the liberals – and anyone who refers to a liberal as a moderate. If you voted for Obama’s trillions, you can’t be a Republican. And it’s time to finally bury Bush’s idea of “Compassionate Conservatism”. Here were the main tenets of it:

* We should not actively seek to harm poor people.

* Hippies should not be punched to the point of death.

* Enemy combatants should not be tortured just for entertainment.

* If we’re going to round up liberals into camps, the camps should at least have sanitary drinking water.

* We need better reasons for declaring war on a country than, “Nothing good is on TV.”

No more! It’s time to get back to the conservatism that tears apart everything that gets in front of it. It is time for the strong to crush the weak. It is time for the earners in this country to keep their money and all others to starve. It is time for The Purge™, the restoration of awesomeness to the Republican Party. Let only the strong survive.

28 100 Days Later

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If we extrapolate from the first one hundred days, by the end of Obama’s first term America’s debt will be higher than the GDP of the world, every rogue state will have nuclear missiles, we’ll all have swine flu, and Obama’s approval ratings will finally fall below 50% (though he’ll still be personally popular).

On the bright side, since the Democrats now have a filibuster proof majority, it’s not like there’s anything we can do about it so we might as well sit back and relax. Just make sure you’re prepared to drive around a barren wasteland fighting gangs for gasoline.

Random Thoughts

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Why are New Yorkers claiming they were given no notice about the flyover? Are they really claiming no one told them the president is a jackass?

Now if only Obama would do something stupid so late night comedians could fake fun of him!

At what point should we stop using the term “president” and instead use the term “man-caused disaster”?

That Specter left and wasn’t thrown out shows that the Republican Party hasn’t moved far enough to the right!

I think a filibuster proof Democratic majority means we’re going to see another surge in gun sales.

First order of business for filibuster proof Democrats: Restrict use of tea in large gatherings.

Are we going to have to endure more “GOP needs to be more moderate” editorials? Can’t you be against trillions in spending and be moderate?

I’m getting tired of all this fretting over flu outbreaks. It’s the 21st century. We should be worried about nanotech swarms.

Can we throw Hagel out of the party too, or is it too late for that?

In the future, we need some sort of screening process before we let people into the Republican Party.

I think It would be really brave if Meghan McCain comes out as a lesbian. Especially if she isn’t one.