I have a great idea. What we do is we genetically resurrect velociraptors.
Yeah, I know. They’re too small to put rocket launchers on, but that’s not the purpose here. There are a lot of misconceptions about velociraptors because of the Jurassic Park movies. First off, they’re smaller that they were depicted. Second, scientists are quite certain they had feathers and thus looked something like this.
You see where I’m going with this, don’t you?
We pluck the feathers and we make pillows.
Awesome idea, huh? What kid would not want a velociraptor feather pillow? We could charge like fifty bucks each and the parents would have to buy them because their snot-nosed kids would be like, “I can’t get to sleep unless it’s on a velociraptor! Waaaah!”
It’s a million dollar idea.
Yeah, I know, won’t the velociraptors get really angry if we pull off their feathers? That’s why we have cheap Mexican labor do it. Three dollars an hour to pull feathers off of dinosaurs; they can’t make that kind of money in Mexico.
So, I think that covers everything. Just need to figure out how to resurrect velociraptors for commercial purposes. If you have any ideas, please send them my way. You’ll get a free pillow.
I wonder if velociraptors taste like chicken?
“Just need to figure out how to resurrect velociraptors for commercial purposes. If you have any ideas, please send them my way. You’ll get a free pillow.”
Frank, I have the prefect plan. The aurochs were a type of cow that went extinct in the 17th century, but because they had interbred with other types of cattle before going extinct, German scientists in the early 20th century were able to bring them back (more or less) by breeding for similar phenotypes in the other lines.
So, anyway, I figure if dinosaurs ‘turned into birds’ as is proposed in the movie, then we just get ourselves some parakeets, and we breed them while selecting for basic velociraptor characteristics.
[Scientifically, that actually might work. It will take a long time, though. -Ed.]
kinda looks like pelosi, dud’nit? We could just have someone sneak into her house and strip her hairbrush everyday.
voila! velociraptor pillows!
Of course the evil seeping from that house would require an excorcism before any self respecting Mexican would enter. Something like on Constantine. I’ll need a mirror and some rope…
But we could still weaponize them somehow.
Unless we’re also going to kill them and eat them this just isn’t going to be profitable.
Wait, hold on a second! Something was portrayed inaccurately in a Hollywood movie?
I agree with Marko and I only have two words.
Ninja Raptors.
Wrap your minds around that one.
Couldn’t we at lest put bottle rocket launchers on them? Great idea otherwise.
That’s the ugliest pillow I ever saw – and I’ve seen some of the home decorating TV shows.
Is that the pillow that will make Osama look under his bed for Fred Thompson? If so, Rarl Kove needs to place one in the White House.
After we pluck them, we can always train them to hunt hippies. They have that slashing claw above their feet, and even then, we can mount small caliber weapons on them. It doesn’t take much to kill hippies or liberal girlie-men, as they usually screech themselves to death at the sight of anything half manly. The other benefit is that they eat what they kill, saving us the the trouble of clean-up and disposal. Even if they choke to death on the toxic content of hippies, oh well. We can always make more.
Velociraptors evolved into the cassowary (IMAO), a shy,but pugnacious flightless bird of Australia capable of killing a man with their sharp dagger-like claw on their middle-toe. We could breed the cassowary back into velociraptors in no time,just look how short a time it took to de-evolve into Janeane, Gar of ALO.
Oh, Thor, no. No Pelosi hairbrush samples. Some evildoer could get hold of her DNA and clone her! The thought of a covey of Pelosies gives me the vapors.
#3 Thor,
No one sane would pay anything for a pelousy pillow. Even if it was excorsized. And if you send in a mexacan, she would eat them or make them part of her nest. Now if you make jennanine grr awful o skin targets… Ca CHING
So the Darth Cheney’s of Jurassic Park turn out to be the Barney Frank’s of dinosaurs. Wow, hear them go ROARRTHHPPP and duck the spittle. Thing probably runs at you butt first screaming Pluck Me Pluck Me.
The linked picture looks like it’s depicting a cross between a turkey and a duck-billed platypus, with a lion’s tail grafted on for good measure. I say we stick it on a ballot and run it for Congress.
How do we know a dead animal had feathers? I don’t buy it.
#16 I think that’d have been my vote for president.
Thor, don’t ever put “Pelosi” and “strip” in the same sentence again.
OK, our cat has taken to swiping food off the counters (PB&J’s: who’d have guessed?), so my hubby wants to get a rottweiler. I’m not sure about you guys, but I saw a TON of folks with their weird fru-fru dogs at the tea parties (unless this was a covert Rove operation to sniff out KOS kiddies, in which case: well done you magnificent…). I think the biggest commercial use for raptors is in the pet market. It would also rid me of my nasty evil cat problem. And my pet could be the darling of ALL future tea parties. AND we will train her with pictures of that obnoxious reporter from CNN, so I suspect that chick won’t be getting much of an interview at an Oregon tea party, but we might get some UBER cool footage. Ooooh, I want a raptor!!! Pick me!!!
tastes like chicken?
we spared no expense…………
Engineer a race of speedy pack hunting carnivores
with razor sharp claws and teeth ?
Count me in,
what could possibly go wrong with that?
In fact, let’s build an Amusement park around the
breeding ground and pillow factory too,
kids love merchandising.
MickeyVick Velociraptor ,now starring in Frank World.
Got to love it!
DinosaurSoft</b) sounds like the name of a new Frank J. company.
So, yup, I Googled it. Holy crap but this IMAO post is already up there plus it asked me if I meant “Dinosaur Soft.”
Frank, if you can train Google, you can train dinosaurs to be Republicans – softly, with tact.
Sorry about that. Typ0!!!
It looks like a roadrunner with a bad attitude.
‘Roadraptor! The coyote’s after you!
Roadraptor! If he catches you, he’s scr*wed!’
OK so they are too small for rocket launchers. How about we equip them with small handguns instead? We could still build the double boarder fence with packs of these things running loose in between, or build a raptor ranch overlapping all the popular illegal crossing areas. Remember the Ranchers complaining about illegal aliens killing their cows with garbage, now imagine that they had raptors running around, waiting for plucking instead? Problem solved. Of course you would have to find a new place to raise the cows.