Hello, world. It’s Earth Day.
Let’s talk a little bit about Earth Day, its history, and why it’s important to…
You’re a racist.
What?
You’re a racist.
What do you mean? Why would you say that?
Racist. You are talking about Earth Day.
So?
That’s racist.
How do you figure?
You’re an Earthling. And Earth Day is racist.
Hang on a second…
You hold on a second, Earth creature. The whole concept of Earth Day makes me angry. Very angry, indeed.
Why would you be upset about Earth Day?
I am from Mars. And Earth has been keeping Mars down for years.
How?
It obstructs my view of Venus.
Oh, THAT old complaint.
Let me ask you, creature. When was the first Earth Day?
April 22, 1970.
Um, well, yes, I guess so.
A bunch of environmentalists came up with this, right?
Well, yes.
They were concerned about global cooling, weren’t they?
Yes, actually, they were.
Now, it’s global warming. You Earth creatures are so silly.
Um…
Didn’t the “Keep America Beautiful” campaign begin on the second Earth Day, in 1971?
Yes…
The campaign that starred Iron Eyes Cody, wasn’t it?
Yes, it was. I remember…
He was born in Louisiana to Sicilian immigrants, grew up in Texas, and began pretending to be an American Indian in his adult life. Isn’t that correct?
Well, yes, that’s true…
You Earthlings are so silly.
I didn’t mean to upset you about Earth Day…
You Earth creatures need to look at the big picture. Your environmentalists have some good ideas. But they don’t have perspective.
Well, yes, but …
Your environmentalists would rather pay money to terrorists for oil than to spill some oil on a polar bear.
Um…
And you come up with something like Earth Day? You should show as much respect for the other planets. Like Mars. Or Jupiter. Or Saturn. Or Uranus…
Heh-heh-heh.
He said “Uranus.” Huh-huh-huh-huh.
Yeah, I got Uranus right here, Butt-head.
That is the coolest name for a planet ever.
Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh.
Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh.
I must find my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh.
Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh.
Please. Find it soon.
Rofl!
Bravo! It is about time this site expressed a serious view about the issues! And who is that precious little imp! No, not Anderson “If I’m not shaggin’ i must be Tea-baggin'” Cooper”.
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I would classify it as specieist.
Being a non-native English speaker who took some classes in astrophysics, the whole “uranus” thing usually escapes me 🙂
Just today, I’m going to throw bread out in the yard for the damn squirrels…’cuz it’s their day. I’ll resume warfare tomorrow. Thank gawd it’s not polar bears tearing my trash cans apart; them thar suckers I WILL shoot.
I can’t help it. I’m racist.
LMAO
I’ve got birds outside singing the exact same songs I heard 50 years ago – and all of them make more sense than Cooper and Olbertwit – especially on “Earth Day.”
Nicely done. I just put up a rant celebrating Happy Venus Day–but at least there’s art.
http://cbullitt.wordpress.com/2009/04/22/happy-venus-day-because-that-is-where-the-enviro-nazis-believe-we-live/
I always liked Marvin the Martian. He’s why I go by my handle.
Interesting. I never knew today was Lenin’s birthday. Amazing how much sense that makes.
Anderson Pooper and Olberdork make a great Beavis & Butthead…….now let me go litter and cut down some trees on this oh so wonderful Earth Day
Earth day. How one might ask can one celebrate the creation without acknowledging the creator. It’s sort of like giving an Oscar to the picture without acknowledging the director/writer/producer or actors. As if the picture sprang fully formed from the ether.
My daughter asked me today, “When are the old hippies in charge of things going to finally die off or retire.” I told her I didn’t know but I’m not sure the ones coming along behind them are any better. Hippies can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.
I think my avatar made one heck of an argument there.
Not only does the left celebrate one mass murderer on Earth Day, they give credence to another/
By the way, I’ll be celebrating Earth day in my own way today. It is kind of chilly here in the People’s republik of Hellannoys this morning so I think I’ll throw some more styrofoam on the fireplace to keep warm. That oughta make Gaia happy.
I’m going to treat Earth Day just like I treated Earth Hour. Man am I gonna burn through some juice tonight. That and rev my engine at very red light.
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Just got to inform my wife of all the cool new earth day facts that I learned right here on IMAO, thank you Basil, and Atomic Lib Smasher for the links. I guess Al Gore’s internet serves a useful purpose after all.
Speaking as a Martian*, I love this bit. The ending is especially good – someone needs to do a dubbing mash-up and post it on YouTube. Provided, of course, you can sit through enough of either of them to finish it without blowing your own brains out.
* Martian defined in this case as a member of The Mars Society.
Thanks for reminding me. I would have otherwise forgotten to go out tonight and pee on a tree.
Didn’t you mean to say “Your a racist”?
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