Marines have always been environmentally conscious, but now they’re starting a new program that should really make liberals happy. They’re going to be selling lifetime carbon offsets. You pay them their fee, and the Marine will then kill someone in a foreign land, effectively offsetting your entire carbon footprint.
The Air Force plans to get into the act too. For a fee, they’ll permanently offset the carbon footprint of an American business by blowing up factories in another country.
Liberals haven’t always been the most supportive of the military, but hopefully that will change when they realize the military does the most good for the environment out of any group out there due to their carbon offset program they’ve been implementing since their beginning. Go green; support the military.
A thought: Wouldn’t this make abortion the “greenest” domestic industry? And at more than 53 Million fewer humans in this country alone since 1973, they far outpace the military’s
body countcarbon-offset….First! Why aren’t you on Wikipedia, Frank?
Now they start charging for it. Is this a retroactive program and where do I send the bill?
Not only that, but in keeping with Obama’s dreams of the destruction of our weapons arsenal, our military is dutifully destroying MANY of our weapons. And, they’ve found a clever way to do it, as well. They’ve been dropping them on terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan…thus destroying both weapons and terrorists at the same time.
I support going green. OD green.
OOOOH-RAAHHH!!!
That is all. Semper Fi, Carry on.
Marines! A lean green cabon offsetting machine! Gung Ho!
Can we make sure that one is apologizing to pakistan when the Marines do their carbon offsetting?
I think a third world kill, er, offset, should count as two. Less carbon output PLUS a recuction in rain forest burning. A toofer!!!
When it absolutely, positively needs to be destroyed overnight.
Plus when you kill off all the Somali pirates, not only did you cut off their carbon footprints, but you made it so ships can take shorter paths, and don’t have to make so many evasive manuevers, saving even more carbon footprinting.
Another good way to cut carbon emissions is to go hunting. Every deer, moose, elk, squirrel, opossum one kills is one less critter releasing carbon into the air, plus one less critter eating green stuff that reduces carbon. Plus if you kill a deer near your home, that is a supply of meat that does not need to be trucked in from another state, nor need vast amount of farm land to supply itself.
A fun off topic side note, is that farmers are so dependent on hunting kills, especially organic farmers, that even vegetarians contribute to animals being killed every year for food. You know how many bambis had to die to grow that vegi-burger?
No, but I can only hope it was a lot.
Do they offer a volume discount?
Air Force girls do enough for Marines to offset carbon ANYTHING.
I miss those girls. =P
Hey, don’t forget the Army! We’ve been “offsetting carbon production” longer than any other domestic military force.
Ok, I figured it out. at a standard breath rate of 18 inhale/exhale cycles per minute, or 1 complete breath ever 3.3 seconds, in 70 years I’ll breathe 666,000,000 times. If I want to keep breathing after that, I’ll have to buy carbon-offset credits from someone who doesn’t breathe as frequently as I do, like a coma-patient, or someone who’s unlikely to use their personal lifetime allotment of breath, like a leukemia patient, or anyone from a country with an average per capita annual income of less than $30, like the president’s half-brother.
A small device inserted in the larnyx would count our breaths, (and monitor our conversations) with a small LED display mounted on our foreheads or right hands to show our running tally (rounded to the nearest million to save energy). When the number 666 appears on our displays, we’ll either have to stop breathing or pay to have someone else killed! Of course, people who breathe faster than normal, like joggers, or who pant a lot, like perverts, will reach their limit sooner. It’s like the fair tax; everyone pays! War, Suicide and Euthanasia will become growth industries, while abortions will dwindle, since the government will realize they can’t afford to let those selfish, unpatriotic unborn deadbeats get away without paying for the priviledge of dying.