First, let me thank Frank J. and everyone at IMAO for their kind words of support.
Okay, not everyone had kind words of support. Still, it was touching. At least they spelled my name right, even if some pronounced it wrong.
With those niceties out of the way, I must say that this whole getting displaced by a tornado is starting to get on my nerves.
First, the good news. On Friday night, the Weather Channel online (on my CrackBerry) said that we were under a tornado warning, and that one would be in our area at 9:17.
They nailed it. At 9:17, the sound of the rain gave way to a gosh-awful noise, and the lights went out.
That’s the good news: we got hit with a tornado when they said we would. Aint’ technocracy great!
The rest, though, falls under the category of “bad news.” The tornado tore down the large tree in the back yard and put in on the house, knocking the power lines down and ripping the power meter box from the wall.
Of course, on Easter weekend, there’s no getting an electrician to come by. Especially until that tree and the accompanying debris was out of the way. Saturday and Sunday, we got the side of the house cleared, but still no electrician.
Rather than spend the night in a power-less house, we stayed in a hotel. That was Saturday night. And Sunday night. And Monday night. And now, Tuesday night.
There’s still no power at the house. Oh, the electrician got the power box and meter up. But there’s no line running from the pole to the house. That’s awaiting the power company, who’s awaiting the inspector signing off on the electrician’s work.
So, we’ve been having to stay in hotels since the storm.
Being homeless isn’t fun.
But, having to get up and go to work? While homeless?
That’s just not right.
I think, first thing in the morning, I’ll put on dirty clothes, head to the Piggly Wiggly and grab a shopping cart, then wander around town, picking up trash bags full of thrown out bread from Subway.
Then I’ll go register to vote as a Democrat. Several times.
After all, in for a penny, in for a pound.
I’m wondering what else I should be doing, now that I’ve joined that elite group.
You should move in with Frank and Sarah J. Then Harvey and spacemonkey can visit and it will be just like Walden Pond, except instead of being a commune, per se, I figure it is more that Frank is the breadwinner and all the rest of you are lazy dependants.
Do you have a dog? All the classy beggars have a dog tied up next to them so that even if passing motorists don’t have pity on them, they may have pity on the dog and throw the filthy wretch a buck or two.
Try these:
– Go disrupt a Tea party tomorrow.
-Organize a community, start with your sock drawer, and work up to the White House.
– Make a cardboard sign “Will Work For Electricity”
-Stand on roof, screaming “Where is FEMA?!” and “Damn you, George Bush”.
-Stick it to the man, Loot a big screen from Wal-Mart.
~
Hope you are all home soon, keep your sense of humor!
Go register at Kos. Then go register at Hot Air and begin posting liberal tripe. If you’re lucky, Obama will reward you with a free unicorn.
Just avoid anyone from Ace of Spades…
to be a homeless Dem in good standing you must apply for food stamps , housing assistance , taxpayer funded elective surgery , and abort (KILL) at least 2 fetuses. And don’t forget to donate at least twice the leagal limit to the Barack Obama reelection fund.
Reminds me of watching one of the local panhandlers we were trying to get onto 101 at 7am, when he showed up on his bike, locked it to a phone pole, made a call on his cell phone, then took out his sign to start working the traffic. Just another day at work, I guess.
Been there twice with hurricanes.
Six to seven days without power each time.
Not fun.
Demand a trailer from FEMA.
Doesn’t do any good anyway.
Complain about it if you get one.
Blame it all on Bush, regardless.
* Volunteer to turn-in all your guns. (Oh, that was hard to type!)
* Go out and hug that tree and announce you believe in global warming. (That’ll serve that tree right!)
* Turn-in your neighbor for being a Republican right wing extremist.
* Paste Obama/Biden ’08 and Kerry/Liebermann ’04 stickers all over your car and drive like a democrat.
(The list is long but I gotta go to bed.)
It that Basil outside the Target on Elm and 12th St?
Here’s the bright side…….you are now authorized to loot the store of your choice. If it’s a liquor store get there early otherwise the only thing left will be watermelon liqueur or Keystone beer.
You are missing an opportunity! You are not homeless, you’re a VICTIM of a vicious tornado. My brother, a hard lefty, was fortunate enough to be living in New Orleans during Katrina. He left and came to to stay with me and spent the whole time calling ever relief agency on the planet. He made $12000 and had to rent a U-Haul to cart all the free stuff back to LA.
I know. Your thinking why did he leave and miss out on all the looting, right? The answer is simple; he’s too lazy to get his feet wet.
Mebbe if you got yer story on the mainstream news you could get Babs Streisand to put on a relief benefit fer ya.
-Do you smell like booze? You have to smell like booze if you’re homeless. It’s a federal law. Go down to the Piggly Wiggly and get some Mad Dog and pour it on your self. Then go to work. People will understand.
-Get all of the half used pencils you can find in your office. Then go around your office and sell them to your co-irkers out of a tin cup.
-Leave work 10 minutes early and go stand in the parking lot. When your co-workers get to their cars after work, run up behind them and start cleaning their windows and demand they pay you for it.
-When the electritians finaly show up, greet them by siting on the curb out side of your house with a sign that says” War Vet on hard times. Will work for Electricity. God Bless.”
Seriously: I’m glad other than power and missing a tree, it sounds like your house and your family are okay. Can’t have you hurt yet. Since Frank and Harvey have full time jobs, we need more posts here. I’m still laughing about that Ward Churchill post you did a few months back.
Climb a tree at your neighbors house and demand they not cut it down, and refuse to come down. (make sure you call the news first)
Of course, on Easter weekend, there’s no getting an electrician to come by.
It’s actually because it was Passover week-end. It’s bad, so it must be because of the JOOS!
1}’Wash’ the windows of automobiles (that you got to stop at the traffic light by pushing the ‘WALK’ button),in order to intimidate caucasion women into giving you money. 2} Mumble to your invisible friend as you push that Piggly Wiggly shopping cart. 3}Wear a Bluetooth thingy around your ear and talk to actual people( it will just look like you’re talking to your invisible friend ). 4}Wear a winter coat that is 2 sizes too large. 5}Visit your local Salvation Army drop-off bins, offer to ‘help’ put other people’s donations into the bins. 6}If you were in a California city, you should join a tent city at the municipal park. 7}Urinate in public,you’re homeless,people expect it. If you have fake pee-stain on pants, the cops won’t bother you. 8} Sprawl out on a park bench/citybus stop bench,passed out. 9}Visit your public library,talk loudly to nobody in particular.Ask the guy reading the Wall St. Journal, “Hey buddy, you done reading that, I need to check the market.” 10} Target vehicles with Ameican flags and troop support ribbons,wearing rumpled old Army jacket,saying,”Spare change for a Vietnam Vet?”
“Reminds me of watching one of the local panhandlers we were trying to get onto 101 at 7am, when he showed up on his bike, locked it to a phone pole, made a call on his cell phone, then took out his sign to start working the traffic. Just another day at work, I guess.”
He had to find out what time to meet up with the other pandhandlers to urinate outside of a Circle K.
I’m confused – wasn’t Basil killed in a tornado?
Jimmy said:
* Paste Obama/Biden ‘08 and Kerry/Liebermann ‘04 stickers all over your car and drive like a democrat.
I know they’re all the same but wasn’t it Kerry/Edwards ’04, Gore/Lieberman’00???
Yep, it was Kerry/Edwards, and the Edwards Fabulous Facts were a lot of fun
Oh, right, Pammy. Hehe. Guess I was trying to make that ’04 ticket better than it was.