I’m interested in what’s happening in Iran but not particularly interested in Michael Jackson. Is there a news source that caters to someone like me?

I don’t want to be one of those tiresome “celebrity news isn’t news” people, but it’s not news and I’m going to repeat that over and over.

Know who Michael Jackson’s death has to hit hardest? Obama. How is he going to get back in the news?

For every terrorist we kill, we create ten more. Then we kill those ten and eventually they run out.

Perez Hilton seriously needs mental help, though what he’ll probably claim what he needs is a Twinkie.

Forget carbon dioxide; most of air is nitrogen. Do we need that for anything? Let’s declare war on that gas.

Bailouts, national healthcare, cap and trade. immigration reform: Is Obama trying to ruin too much of the economy too quickly?

It would be neat if instead of a dish at registers to take and leave pennies they had a dish to take and leave peanuts. “Take a peanut; leave a peanut.”

I have the Ghostbuster’s Theme stuck in my head because that’s what came to mind when I tried to remember what “Thriller” sounds like.

East Timor? How many Timors are there?

So Obama is basically Bush with a week lag?

I thought the government was spying on me, but it ends up cameras come standard on phones now.

It’s hard to say what’s going on in Honduras, but my guess is wheelbarrows have gained sentience and have staged a coup.

Are there other types of barrows than the wheel kind? Like skibarrows?

In the future, they use hoverbarrows. People in the future are so needlessly flashy.

With all the government takeovers, perhaps capitalism will dies with Billy Mays. Soon we will envy the dead.

I think a good name for our first child would be “Kid Awesome.”