From Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation!, “Elephant Man’s Estate Makes Bid To Purchase Jacko’s Remains“.
Archive of entries posted on 8th July 2009
Ways for Obama to Be Awesome
Instead of just carping on Obama all the time, I figure I might as well offer him advice on how to be an awesome president. So awesome, I’d even vote for his reelection. ‘Cause that’s the type of awesome I deal in.
Okay, so Obama has got an agreement with Russia to reduce their warheads. So here’s what to do: While Russia is reducing their warheads, we pretend to reduce ours and instead make even more! Then, later Obama goes to Russia and says, “Pysch! Now we totally have super tons more nukes than you! You’re such suckers! Now give me all your money!” And then Obama can find Putin and give him a noogie and there will be nothing he can do about it because we just have that many more nukes than them.
Russia will feel pretty angry now, so to be fair we can offer them some of our nukes since we’ll just have so many now. The thing is, when they get them home, they’ll find that instead of the nukes being filled with fissionable material, they’re filled with squirrels! That’s right, this was all just a plot to get rid of some squirrels as America has way too many of them. Stupid Russians!
Libertarian Democrats
Jon Henke has a post on the fate of the “libertarian Democrats” that Kos proposed. I really don’t see how that could ever have worked. Considering the Democrats position on taxes and business for decades, the only libertarians who would align with the Democrats would be those who value the freedom to do weird sex stuff way over any other freedoms. In other words, Bill Maher.
The Michael Jackson Comeback
Reportedly, Michael Jackson wanted to be cloned. He’d be an interesting subject for it because many of the usual objections wouldn’t apply since it would be hard to imagine the clone being any weirder than the original.
Sarah Palin Wonders if Rick Sanchez is a Journalist
JUNEAU (AP) – After CNN reporter Rick Sanchez questioned whether Sarah Palin’s decision to resign as Governor of Alaska came about because she was pregnant, Palin held a press conference of her own to wonder whether Rick Sanchez was a journalist.
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“There might be a couple of other situations that might cause someone to broadcast idle speculation on a national television program,” said Palin. “He might be a sleazy tabloid paparazzi, he might be a conscienceless DNC shill with a black and shriveled soul, or maybe he’s just a sterno-swilling homeless person who has long since lost the fight against the insane and angry voices in his head. But aside from those, is there anything going on with him that perhaps may lead him to want to make this decision? And the one thing that’s still left out there is… hey, could Rick Sanchez be a journalist?”
CNN quickly denied the charge, calling it “outrageous” and “baseless speculation”.
“I’ve certainly seen no evidence of any ‘journalism’ on the part of Rick Sanchez,” said CNN spokesperson Carol Foyler. “Certainly it’s physically possible, given Sanchez’s age, gender, and pretty frat-boy face which – were he to go to prison – would get him passed around like a joint at a Phish concert, but anyone who listened to him for 5 seconds would know he’s not a journalist. I challenge ANYONE to come up with a single shred of evidence that there has EVER been a single instance of journalism from Sanchez, or anyone else at CNN, for that matter.”
“Sarah Palin has obviously crossed the line with her utterly unfounded accusation,” said Foyler, “and if she has even a ounce of human decency, she will apologize immediately. ‘Journalist’, indeed!”
Random Thoughts
If you trapped someone in a satellite and forced him to watch bad movies, he’d go insane pretty quickly without the help of robot friends. Of course, there’s the problem of how’d he eat and breathe.
Interestingly, constructing robot friends usually isn’t a good cure for insanity but instead a symptom of it.
You know, all of Sarah Palin’s actions make perfect sense if she’s a vampire/werewolf hybrid.
I haven’t been able to watch the memorial. What does the casket look like? Is everyone sad? Tell me! Tell me! I need to know!
I was afraid the Michael Jackson memorial would suddenly bursts into flame and we’d quickly have to turn off our TVs to avoid being turned into pillars of salt.
I hope they are able to resurrect dinosaurs by the time I die because I don’t think I’ll be properly honored unless T-Rexes are in the procession. Also, I don’t want to be told to “Rest in Peace.” I want to be told to “Rest in War.” I’m going to Valhalla.
If we spent the money from the Michael Jackson memorial on the poor, they’d still be poor the next day but at least we wouldn’t be at a cultural nadir.
With all the attention Michael Jackson is getting, I wonder if Obama will be tempted to bleach his skin?
When Weird Al dies, we should totally do a parody of the Michael Jackson memorial.
Aren’t you supposed to end the memorial by poking him with a stick to make sure he’s dead?
The best ending would have been Andy Kaufman emerging alive from the coffin. He got us good!
Well, that’s the last of Michael Jackson we’ll see until the zombie apocalypse.