Archive of entries posted on 19th July 2009

What’s the government going to do with all that ham and cheese?

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I assume you saw where the government, as part of its economic recovery program, has purchased $1,191,200 of ham. How much ham is that? Two pounds. No, really. (Hat tip: American Thinker and KOSMOSNET)

Don’t get discouraged. If you think all the government does is pay lots of money for ham, you’d be wrong.

They also pay lots of money for cheese. $1,562,568 for mozzarella cheese. (Hat tip: FireAndreaMitchell.com)

Now, to be fair, it doesn’t say exactly how much cheese the government gets for $1,562,568, but I have enough faith in my government to believe that it’s enough to go with $1,191,200 of ham.

Assuming that’s the case, what’s the government going to do with all that ham and cheese?

Feed the world.

Remember, Jesus fed five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish. Surely, Obama can do better.

There were only about 200-300 million people in the world during Jesus’ lifetime. That’s less than the number of people living in the U.S. today. Shouldn’t be a problem for Obama, should it?

With all that ham (TWO POUNDS … and it’s SLICED!) and cheese (mozzarella, no less) the government bought, world hunger will soon be a thing of the past. And, for the measly price of $2,753,768 it’s a bargain!

Ham and cheese for everybody!

Oh. Except for the Jews.

And the Muslims.

Oh, heck. I think I’ve found the flaw in the plan.

I wonder if there’s any way Obama can blame this on Biden? Or Bush?

Announcement

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It is the official position of IMAO and all of its subsidiaries that SarahK’s birthday should be happy.

That is all.

UPDATE:

It also the position of IMAO and all of its subsidiaries that Basil should have a happy birthday, but not as happy as SarahK’s.

What is Frank thinking?

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Wonder what Frank is thinking?

Some of you are saying “He’s not thinking anything.” But you’d be wrong.

Frank is trying to think of the perfect gift for SarahK. Today is her birthday. And woe be unto Frank if he forgets her birthday. Again.

But, he won’t forget. In fact, he got her a new house. But, he came along with it from the old place. So, it’s not really hers. It’s “theirs.” So, as cool as a new house is, as long as Frank has a key to the place, it’s not truly “hers.”

And Frank knows that. Which is why he’s trying to think of the perfect gift for his wife.

A few of his minions (that’s me, you, and all the others who read his blog) have some ideas for the perfect gift. And some of the suggestions are pretty good ones:

  • Subscription to HBO
  • Pink AR-15 (is it still evil if pink) *
  • Pink 1911
  • Robot controlling monkey’s head in a box
  • Diamonds (she is a girl)
  • Fur coat, from baby seals that you clubbed yourself, much more thoughtful then store bought baby seal fur.
  • Book of wise Latina woman wisdom
  • Two men at once — one cooking, the other cleaning *
  • Batteries
  • Any of a list of gun accessories
  • Rafting
  • A nice quiet relaxing day, with no mention on that stupid blog. Just like last year.

Good ideas, all. Well, some of them, anyway.

But, you can never have too many gift suggestions. Ideas?

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