Archive of entries posted on 24th July 2009

Party Time!

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I’m starting to get confused. Okay, more confused.

We have two major parties in this country. The Democrats and the Republicans, in case you weren’t sure. Either a Republican or a Democrat has won every presidential election in this country since the Crusades. Or Zachary Taylor’s 1848 election, I forget which. And the last president that wasn’t a Democrat or a Republican, and that didn’t die in office, was John Quincy Adams, a Democratic-Republican (forerunners of Democrats), in 1824.

Over the years, it’s been confusing. Both parties have had conservatives, liberals, and moderates. And still do. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe there are any conservative Democrats, but, truth be told, there are. I can’t name one, but trust me, they exist.

Today, it’s generally considered that Democrats are liberal and Republicans are conservative. And most fit that mold. But not all.

The problem with that — or one of the problems, anyway — is that many members of a party will put party over ideology … and even over country. Witness: the undermining of the military in the recent two election cycles.

So, what do we do?

The president can solve this. How? Appoint me as Political Party Czar!

I’ll have power to assign politicians to the correct party. And create new parties if needed.

Obama, of course, gets booted from the Democratic party (sorry, Boss), but gets to lead the Socialist party. Nancy Pelosi will be in the Barking Moonbat party. As will be Harry Reid.

John McCain (sorry, sir) will be shifted from the Republican party (Meggie Mac, too) to the new Moderate party. Olympia Snowe, too. Or, maybe I’ll make some of that group into Whigs. We don’t have enough Whigs any more.

Some of the current Republicans will become Democrats, some Democrats will become Republicans, and … well, some I need to think about longer.

Sure, it’ll be hell having to meet with all the politicians and figure out what to do with them all. And, while I’m assessing and assigning all politicians in Congress to the proper party, Congress will have to be suspended, as will Executive Orders. This is to ensure that when further legislative or executive actions are taken, everyone is properly placed where they belong.

I don’t make this promise lightly: I will take whatever time is needed to ensure that every politician is in the proper political party.

Could take years.

An Idea

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We create a number that people can call in case they see Obama near something important, like the economy, health care, or the military. Then someone can come and gently lead him away and give him some toys to play with or something. If we just make sure Obama doesn’t touch anything, maybe we can turn this country around.

Chiming In On The Conversation

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Since we’re discussing theology, it’s probably a good idea to include the commentary of His Infernal Majesty, Rowan Atkinson:


[YouTube direct link]

Obama: Evil or Stupid?

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There is some debate on whether Obama is evil and trying to replace America’s government with a fascist, socialist regime or whether he’s just an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing. For the record, I believe in the latter. If Obama’s horrible policies aren’t because he wants to take away our freedoms, they’re just because he’s an idiot who has no idea what he’s doing. Sure, he has desires to implement a ton of fascist laws, but they’re the same impotent fantasies every liberal has absent political reality. While the public thought the idea of Obama was neato, it’s become quite obvious they never really liked any of his actual policy ideas. Thus Obama’s political capital to try brand new idiotic ideas is pretty much already used up as even he might become cognizant to soon.

If Obama were a dictator, I’m quite certain he’d be a horrible tyrant who would strike down many freedoms, but as president at worst he’s Carter.

Just Noting the Resemblance

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Still, I guess this DOES bring up the question of what Batman villain Barack would be.

Based on his ability to blow off self-imposed deadlines, I’m thinking Calendar Man.

Or, considering his recent comments, maybe “The Jigger“.

Opinions of Bloggers

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…are smarter opinions. Here’s a new survey of bloggers on various issues from Right Wing News.

Random Thoughts

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Dentist says I have a cavity, but he could just be trying to make a profit off of me. Should I get a 2nd opinion from Obama?

It seemed the presidency would give Obama more material for his next autobiography, but he might come off better if he left it out.

Obama really went on about a blue and red pill? Sounds like I missed his most hilarious performance yet.

“If you take the blue pill, you go back to sleep. If you take the red pill, it costs twice as much. I recommend you take the blue pill.”

“Maybe the kid doesn’t need his tonsils out. Maybe he just needs the blue pill. Or the red pill. Maybe a handful of multi-colored pills.”

Why prosecute corruption in New Jersey? What else is there to do there than be corrupt? I lived in New Jersey for nine years growing up. I’ll never be right again.

Dr. Obama: “I don’t like the look of those tonsils. We better treat your allergies with this half-price blue pill.”

So do you think Obama’s press conference last night finally convinced everyone he has no idea what he’s talking about?

I didn’t see the press conference and I don’t know all the facts, but I think it’s fair to say Obama acted stupidly.

Republicans would really be in trouble if Democrats sucked marginally less. Course, if they sucked less, they wouldn’t be Democrats.

So there aren’t disputes about future presidents, we should pass legislation saying people born in Hawaii aren’t American citizens.

It would be awesome if Obama followed up his insult on the cops with a rant about how the “man” is always trying to keep him down. Also, it would be awesome if Obama used the phrase “Speaking truth to power.” That should be the death of it.

The digital age has only increased the the Man’s ability to keep people down. Using advanced software, he can now keep down 28,000 people per minute.

“Can’t you just get attached to someone else’s healthier grandma? Old people are basically interchangeable.”

“We’re out of the costly red pills, but we have lots of inexpensive blue pills. Don’t ask me what they do.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe your cancer thinks you’re growing on it? You two should learn to live in peace.”

Obama is not a natural born citizen! From his mother’s womb he was untimely ripped!

I just woke up in a bathtub full of ice to find my tonsils are gone!

Up From the Memory Hole: Proof That Obama is a Racist

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In 2008, after Time Magazine headlined an article about Obama winning the South Carolina primary “Obama’s Rout Rejiggers the Race“, they were met with a storm of criticism for using the word “jig”, because it’s racist.

During Obama’s answer to that irrelevant softball on the arrest of Professor “I’ll talk to your MAMA outside!” Gates, Obama used the word “jigger” to describe the act of a black man forcibly entering a house:

“There was a report called into the police station that there might be a burglary taking place. so far so good. Right? I mean, if I was trying to jigger in — well, I guess this is my house now so it probably wouldn’t happen. Let’s say my old house in Chicago — here I’d get shot.”

I wish Obama would stop hatin’ on the African-American community.

Racism makes me sad.