Here’s a good selection of clips from RiffTrax. Everyone who doesn’t suck loves RiffTrax.
Archive of entries posted on 29th July 2009
No Need to Worry About the Robots
Earlier today in reaction to the robot attack in Sweden I gave tips on surviving robot attacks, but it ends up they weren’t needed. Just listen to what Fred Thompson says in response to the last question on the Lightning Round from today’s Fred Thompson Show:
Proof That Obama is a Racist
Some people are angry that Glenn Beck called Obama a racist.
I’m not.
Because it’s true.
You see, it turns out that Officer Crowley and Professor Gates are both Irish.
And Obama is inviting them to the White House for a beer.
Which just perpetuates the stereotype of Irishmen as brawling drunkards.
Which may be true, but it’s still offensive.
How to Be Safe Against Robots
Robots are attacking people in Sweden. Don’t be alarmed, though — which is hard since robots are attacking people — as there are some basic techniques for surviving robot attacks.
TIPS FOR SURVIVING ROBOT ATTACKS
* Stop drop and roll. It’s highly illogical, so robots won’t know what to do.
* Play dead. This is a bad technique for avoiding one of the corpse-eating robots the military is working on, though.
* Remember that robots are more afraid of you than you are of them. Or at least they would be if they were capable of fear.
* Never accept candy from a strange robot. Vending machines may not count for this.
* Try talking in a language they can understand. Instead of saying, “Don’t kill me!” say, “Set HumanKill.Enabled to false.”
* See if you can get it distracted fighting ninjas or pirates. It should lose.
The ultimate tip, though, is to just run up some stairs. They’re not very good at those.
Where Obama Went Wrong
Maybe it’s a little early to do a post-mortem on Obama, but his popularity is sinking and the prospects of him passing any more big legislation are looking dim. So where did Obama go wrong?
WHERE OBAMA WENT WRONG
* You tried to destroy too much of the country too quickly. The economy, foreign affairs, the automobile industry, energy, health care — that’s far too much to destroy in one’s first couple months in office without getting people suspicious. You have four years to render America unlivable so spread it out.
* When unemployment figures were announced, you always appeared in the background stroking a cat and laughing manically. That gave people the idea you didn’t share their pain.
* You kept pronouncing “economy” as “eco-money” which gave people the impression that maybe you didn’t really understand the concept.
* You let Biden keep speaking instead of locking him in an undisclosed location and killing the only person the location was disclosed to.
* When asked what’s the biggest problem America faced, you probably should have given a better answer than, “Too many white people.”
* You had far too many press conferences. And in too many of them you inexplicably had a bucket stuck on your head.
* When foreign dictators told you about what they hated about America, you kept suggesting other things saying, “Don’t you hate that too? I hate that.”
* You really have to scream at cops less. And stop calling them honkeys.
The Worst Reason To Have Socialized Medicine
Random Thoughts
If Jesus is the son of God, why has He never produced his long-form birth certificate as proof?
I guess it’s a cultural thing being horrified by someone torturing dogs, but I’m okay with being imperialist about my culture.
Obama could settle things by appointing a birth certificate czar.
Know who would be a great political commentator for MSNBC? Dane Cook.
I lost my birth certificate and asked CA for a new one. When I presented that, no believed it and they deported me to Kenya.
lolbama! Part 19
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Brian:
[reference link]
From Ron Rockstar:
From Velvet Elvis
From Veeshir
Also from Veeshir:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Biffkuo:
From DBrit:
Also from DBrit:
From dneff:
From GeorgeGuy of The Prophet of Neofederalism:
[reference link]
Also from GeorgeGuy of The Prophet of Neofederalism:
[Exodus 20:17]
From Greg W:
From Jared:
[reference link]
From NunyaB:
From Peregrine John:
[True: age of consent in France is 15, she’s 16]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.