Crowder is back, and this time he’s looking for all that stimulus money.
I don’t know why he’s having so much trouble finding it. I just got my stimulus check in the mail yesterday: $40,000 to promote new media. BTW, I now really like Obama and all the previous posts about him have been removed because they just seemed unfair to him.
Dude! Taze three people at once! Me want!
I know, you’re saying, “When would you want to taze three people at once?”
Ever been to a college campus? I went to college (I’m very smart), and every day I was like, “I wish I could taze multiple people at once.” Nothing like seeing hippies lying on the ground, involuntarily convulsing. Of course, they do that a lot themselves with the ODing.
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE BEER SUMMIT
10. “Can I tell you guys a secret? I have no idea what Cap & Trade is.”
9. “Why the non-alcoholic beer, Joe? If you get a little drunk, do you get reserved and coherent?”
8. “Quiet! Don’t say that with the cops around!”
7. “I have to confess, I’m a little prejudiced against blacks myself. Every time Malia and Sasha hug me, I check my wallet.”
6. “To help with racial justice, I have the Secret Service randomly beat up white people. Sorry, Joe.”
5. “I love you guys! …Except you two, because you’re white.”
4. “You took an economics class in college, Jim? Holy crap! You have to tell me what the hell is happening!”
3. “No, that’s also a racial slur, Joe.”
2. “How dead from alcohol poisoning would you be if you tried to drink until Pelosi looked doable.”
And the number one thing overheard at the Beer Summit…
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things Overheard at the Beer Summit’ »
PJM commenters are being mean to me. One of them called me a disgrace to journalism. I didn’t even know I did journalism!
Am I a journalist? What makes someone a journalist? Could I be one and not know? What if my wife finds out?
When you upset people, that just means you’re getting close to the truth. Or you’re asshole. Sometimes both.
You get the Medal of Freedom for making up stuff about black holes now? I won’t believe any of it until someone throws a rock at one.
I know Obama’s birth certificate is real because I saw it the other day and replaced on it his actual middle name with “Shrimpy.”
If we can get health insurance after getting sick, can we get life insurance for people after they die?
The cats are scared of me. They just can’t deal with how awesome I am.
I can be accepting of other religions. My dog is not a Christian, and I accept her
“Teachable Moment” would be a good name for a gun
I, for one, am offended that president is actually going to let some filthy potato-lickers into the White House.
Obama is legally a natural born US citizen just as much as Bush legally won the 2000 election.
At what point can we declare the beer summit the dumbest thing an American president has ever done ever
WASHINGTON (AP) – President Barack Obama announced that he would buy two TV sets from a 78-year-old Iowa woman who is selling them because she “just got tired of watching him on every channel”.
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Deloris Nissen, a retired nurses’ aide, said she could live with seeing Obama come on television to make serious announcements, but he seems to be on all the time. When the president does appear on a channel she happens to be watching, Nissen said, she quickly changes channels.
“I have the remote real handy,” Nissen said. “I have the batteries. I’m ready for him.”
Although pleased at the chance to stimulate the economy by buying the televisions, President Obama expressed confusion at Nissen’s stated reason for selling.
“How could anyone be tired of seeing me on TV?” said Obama, “I know I’m not. I can’t get enough of me. In fact, right now, I’m headed off to the Mirror Room so that I can see me everywhere I look. By the way, can you hook that camera into that monitor over there? I want to see me doing this interview.”
Obama said the televisions are exactly what he needs to complete the “Walk of Me”, his name for the series of TV’s that stretches from one end of the White House to the other.
“My goal is to eventually be able to see my glorious visage beaming from a screen no matter where I am,” said the President. “Right now, I could really use one outside the window of the Oval Office. Every once in a while I have to do a photo-op where I’m gazing thoughtfully out the window, and those few minutes when I can’t see a clip of me running on CNN or MSNBC are pure agony. It’s moments like those that make me wonder why I ever took this job.”
“I also still need one in the Bill Clinton Memorial Intern Closet,” Obama added, “just in case I ever stop feeling too skeeved out to actually go in there.”
