Instead of just carping on Obama all the time, I figure I might as well offer him advice on how to be an awesome president. So awesome, I’d even vote for his reelection. ‘Cause that’s the type of awesome I deal in.
Okay, so Obama has got an agreement with Russia to reduce their warheads. So here’s what to do: While Russia is reducing their warheads, we pretend to reduce ours and instead make even more! Then, later Obama goes to Russia and says, “Pysch! Now we totally have super tons more nukes than you! You’re such suckers! Now give me all your money!” And then Obama can find Putin and give him a noogie and there will be nothing he can do about it because we just have that many more nukes than them.
Russia will feel pretty angry now, so to be fair we can offer them some of our nukes since we’ll just have so many now. The thing is, when they get them home, they’ll find that instead of the nukes being filled with fissionable material, they’re filled with squirrels! That’s right, this was all just a plot to get rid of some squirrels as America has way too many of them. Stupid Russians!
When they have the signing cermony at the White House for the Healthcare “Reform” bill they’re going to ram through Congress he can turn around, look straight at Nancy Pelosi, say “Price is wrong, bitch”, and walk out of the room.
A noble idea, but making Obama awesome is exceedingly difficult. When I tried it one of my eyes dilated and weird liquid came out my nose. I haven’t quite been myself ever since.
Don’t bite off more that you can chew.
Genius. Why ISN’T he doing this?
Too late, they’re already sending their squirrels here.
Mutant ‘”testosterone-fuelled” Russian black squirrels are giving their grey cousins a taste of their own medicine and driving them from their homes.
That’s in the UK, but it’s happening here. I live in Alexandria, VA (in sight of DC for Heaven’s sake) and three years ago my little apt. complex had a bunch of gray squirrels and one or maybe two black ones.
Now? It’s the opposite, there’re only a couple good, old, American gray squirrels left and the evil, commie ones are taking over.
Unfortunately, Medved already stole your idea, and he still can’t believe that Obama’s falling for it so easily. But then, again, he’s also under the false impression that Obama actually wants the US to succeed, so really which dictator won?!
It’s this kind of hard-hitting journalism that makes me keep coming back to IMAO.
Oh, and comment #1 was awesome – Happy Gilmore rocks!
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that when the Russians “get rid” of their nukes, they either A) get stored somewhere in the Urals, B) are dumped off the coast of Novaya Zemlya, or C) end up in the hands of Mahmoud from Jeddah.
Sadly, we have a President who is neither as smart as a dead rabbit or a genius.
“Ways for Obama to Be Awesome”
Uh I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about that. I don’t think there’s anyway Obama could ever be awesome.
If Obama wants’ to be Awesome, he needs to use his leadership abilities. And since his big thing is to reach across and compromise, let him do it, but do it in an Awesome way.
My hope is to have the president come out and say that he has reached an agreement with the Russians to reduce both nations stock pile by half. And the two great nations have “Compromised” by deciding do reduce their stockpiles by nuking Mongolia.
When someone asks why we would nuke Mongolia, President Obama can be like “Dude! SHUT UP!! Does Mongolia make any products you have to have? NO! Does Mongolia contribute to Society at all? NO! Do they have oil? NO! Does Mongolia produce any fruit that can be Mixed with rum or vodka? NO! All Mongolia has ever done is randomly invade other people. Trust me nobody wants to live in Mongolia. It’s a desert. We would be doing them a favor. When you get in charge of Nukes, then you get to choose what country to use them on. Until then, SHUT-THE-@$#$-UP!” Extra points if Obama slaps the guy afterward.
He could appoint me Czar of pissing on Robert S. Mc Namara’s grave….that would be awesome and he wouldn’t even have to pay me a salary. I’d be more then happy to do it for free.
Is there going to be Cap & Trade for squirrels? I got squirrels, I could use a nuclear warhead or two.
Your post, BigRichard, reminded me of one of the most important questions we can ask about a candidate: “Is he or she awesome enough that we’re certain he or she would pistol whip opponents?”
#11
Obama being a liberal tells me he would scream like a 12 yearold girl if he even saw a pistol… Him being a polition from Chicago would lead me to believe he has deffanatly killed someone to get elected, either by using a pistol, or cement shoes and a long pier. Don’t know man, Obama’s a toss up
You know what would be awesome? If we agreed with Russia that in order to reduce both of our nuclear stockpiles we would launch the surplus at Iran and N Korea. That way Obama could say he did more to eliminate the axis of evil then Bush did.
13zip wins!! Awesomely.
“Ways for Obama to Be Awesome”
go back to his homeland of Kenya stay there and leave America the hell alone.
Obama could be awesome by resigning, then Gaffe’s Biden would be president. Biden isn’t awesome either but he’s at least funny and that seems to be enough for IMAO. In fact, Biden is so dumb we could probably sell him on “nukin’ the moon” and the dinosaurs!
Shy of leaping out of air force one (at altitude w/no parachute) I guess #15 has it right . THE OBAMA should go to his homeland of Kenya and and leave America alone.
Sorry y’all..I’m going with #11. In fact that should be a mandatory question at every Presidential debate.
“Would you now, or will you pistol whip an opponent?”
Would you vote for someone that answered “No” Hmmmm…
THE OBAMA would really be awesome if he were to produce his Kenyan birth certificate along with proof that the highest levels of the DNC knew he is not a natural born citizen before nominating him.
May-haps he (the CIT, commander in thief) could get an integrity implant or an honor transplant…….of course he’d have to find someone with integrity and honor to spare. In his circle of friends and acquaintances that could be nigh on impossible.
Just recognising the new Honduran president would be a good start.
Since our President is going to be a tyrant at least he could try to take awesome lessons Putin, that guy has a black belt in Judo!
To be really cool, Obama needs the new, FDA-approved Viagra substitute drugs:
Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, or that old standby, Ibepokin. For super awesome, there’s also Gonadafill.
I be so awesome. Yall crackers just don’t understand how awesome I is.
Jimmy, I think I’ve seen those drugs advertised on late night cable tv.
He could resign. That would be the awesome thing possible.
…..but he’d have to call for a special election and pack Biden off to visit Hugo.
seanmahair I thought we already had a special election in this country. The one where the special 52% voted for the special Obama.
Yo, Frank. One big mistake……monkeys, not squirrels. I want to see angry, armed, eye ball eating monkies pouring out of those dummie nukes we ship to Putin.
I don’t care if Putin does have a black-belt…when he has 4 monkies on him poking out his eyes and crapping all over his natty suit…he’ll know who is the most awesomest…awesomer…supreme awesome.
This is an awesome idea…..