Archive of entries posted on 7th August 2009

What’s It Like To Hear Obama Speak?

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Senator Max Baucus (D-MT):


[YouTube direct link]

“It’s just so wonderful to hear him speak, it’s like a symphony”

Yeah… that’s ONE analogy. Let’s try some more.

Listening to Obama speak is like…

… that eternally long half-second between when you realize you’re going to hit the car in front of you, and the first musical tinklings of glass & metal.

… accidentally hitting “delete”, then accidentally hitting “yes” on the “are you sure?” dialog box.

… pouring milk on your cereal and watching earwigs float to the top.

… passing an exit, rounding a curve, and joining a 12-mile traffic jam.

… fumbling for a light switch and finding a wall socket

… hearing that creaking, ripping sound a tree branch makes as it separates from the trunk prior to coming through your roof.

… a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced..

… noticing the empty toilet paper roll before standing up instead of before sitting down.

… dropping a butcher knife, but keeping it from hitting the floor with a deftly-executed blade-first catch.

… hearing that awful tearing sound that inevitably accompanies stuffing 10 pounds of arrogant into a 5 pound bag.

… watching the First Lady serve soup to homeless people while wearing $540 shoes.

… listening to something with angry German facial hair… not sure what, exactly…

What’s it like for you?

Comment of the Day

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Joe B. in response to the Is Someone You Know Part of an Angry Mob? post from yesterday:

Notice the tea-bagger mobs are all older, even elderly, white folks who’ve been given pitchforks and torches by major corporations and told to rabble rouse against the “evil black president”. They couldn’t care less about heath care, in fact many of them love their government funded Medicare! It’s about racism, plain and simple. Showing a tea-bagger a black president is like showing fire to Frankenstein’s Monster.

This is the rump of the Republithug Party. This is what’s left of the aging, white, racist American culture of the Old South and rural America. As they die off they will be relegated to the trash can of history and tolerant America will progress forward happily without them.

Why can’t you all be more like him? He sounds so smart and happy! I’m just glad he deigned my site with a visit.

Cash For Cadavers

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THUNK


CLANK
Bring out your dead!


CLANK
Bring out your dead!


CLANK
Bring out your dead!


THUNK


CLANK
Bring out your dead!


Here’s one


I’m not dead


What?


Nothing. Where’s my $4,500?


He says he’s not dead.


Yes he is.


He isn’t.


Well, he will be soon.


I’m getting better.


No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.


I can’t take him. It’s against regulations.


The program is C.O.R.P.S.E. That’s the Cadaver and Older Retired Person System for Exchange. It’s commonly called Cash for Cadavers, but I read the bill. You can take old retired people.


Look, I’m booked up. I’ve got to stop by the Robinsons. They lost nine waiting for the new government health care. Yes, I can take old people, but the already dead get priority.


When will you be back?


Thursday.


I can’t wait till then. Can you help me out.


CLUNK


Sign here


Thanks!


Bring out your dead!

1

On the bubble

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This is my first week as a housewife/homemaker (whichever you prefer, I’m not picky), and I have already failed. The first thing I heard when I dragged myself out of bed at 7:15 this morning was, “The coffee didn’t taste as good today.”

Oops. He always tells me that the coffee tastes better when I make it. So I set it all up the night before so that he can have coffee with stale water instead of fresh water so the coffee can taste better. And last night I was just too tired from getting my butt kicked at swordfighting and then kicking butt at making potions and collecting Hogwarts mini-crests to remember anything that goes on outside the Wii.

He’s told me I’m on the bubble. So my question for you IMAO readers: If I lose this job, will Obama have created or saved it? Or both in one week?

Obama is so useless and incompetent as president that…

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…he thinks a Democratic majority in the House and Senate just gives him more power to whine about Republicans.

Muhammad Was a Cat Person

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If you ever needed another reason to be suspicious of Islam, it’s the attitude towards pets. Now, Islam thinks loyal and trustworthy dogs should be avoided. Why, because they’re filthy. Yes, Muhammad in his great wisdom decided to spare Muslims of contact with dog saliva because it’s so dirty. And you know how when we think of Muslims in the Middle East, the first thing that comes to mind is cleanliness.

On the other hand, Muhammad condemned a woman to hell for not feeding her stupid cat. Muhammad is a cat person! I was raised never to trust a man who is a cat person. Frankly, I don’t believe in cats since they’re not mentioned in Bible.

Don’t Fear the Mob

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Don’t worry. If you’re scared of those fancy dressed senior citizens with their brand name sandals and polo shirts, the Democrats are deploying the unions against them. And you don’t have to worry about them speaking out against a health care bill because all the unions thugs have been carefully screened for any indication of independent thought.

You know, the point of astroturf isn’t to get people of the same intelligence level as it.

Random Thoughts

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I can’t stand the Megadeth song “Sweating Bullets.” It sounds like Oscar the Grouch reciting the poetry of an angst-filled teenager.

To have a more original opinion, I’m denouncing the Obama-Joker poster as homophobic. Leave Obama and his sexuality alone!

Do Democrats really want to take on doctors, a group who regularly cut people open without the slightest moral hesitation?

So what did Ferris Bueller grow up to be? I’m guess world’s most popular Dairy Queen shift manager.

It speaks well of our constitution that the Democrats can control the Executive and Legislative branches and still be so impotent.

I’d go to a townhall and yell at my Democrat represenative, but this is Idaho and he’s probably going to do what I want anyway.

100 pin bowling on Wii Sports Resort
is teh awesome.

Prop 8 opposition was all astroturf. I’m not even sure there actually are any gay people in California.