Archive of entries posted on 11th August 2009

Reasons to let the government run things

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The president had it “Town Hall” photo-op today. And he used the opportunity to explain how the government health care plan is a great idea:


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Note where he said, “U.P.S. and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the post office that’s always having problems.”

My fears are now allayed: I’m thrilled to hear that government-run health care will be as efficient as the post office. And that’s according to the president.

Your hard-earned money will be collected from your paycheck via taxes, and sent to finance a program that will be run like the post office.

Let me say that I have a brother-in-law that works for the post office. He’s a good guy. And most of the postal workers I’ve met are good people, too. I say that so they won’t … well … go postal on me.

Anyway, the president has convinced me. We need to have government-run health care. And the post office example sold me.

But, there are some of you, I’m sure, that aren’t yet convinced. So, as a loyal American (who doesn’t what to be flagged), I present other reasons to let the government run health care. Here are things that will present excellent examples of how government-run organizations (regardless of the level of government) operate:

  • Amtrak
  • The quality of public schools
  • The NEA funding of porn
  • The DMV
  • Oil for Food
  • Paying farmers to not grow crops
  • Student visas
  • The TSA
  • FEMA
  • The IRS

If these examples don’t show you just how wonderful a government-run health care system will be, I don’t know what will convince you.

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Why Do Democrats Want to Kill Us?

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I think this is a question a lot of people are asking. Democrats do seem very determined to take all of our money through “stimulus” packages and then destroy health care so we all die, but why?

It could be because Democrats just don’t like Americans, but it’s a big leap from simply not liking Americans to actively trying to rob and kill them.

I’m guessing they are working on the behest of aliens trying to take over the planet. It may seem far-fetched that Democrats would just give up the planet like that, but it is more likely than you think. Malicious aliens could easily convince Democrats to do their bidding:

ALIENS: “We are advanced aliens. Kill the Americans.”

DEMOCRATS: “That doesn’t sound right.”

ALIENS: “But we are very smart. Look at our advanced spaceship and this pedantic paper I wrote on race in America.”

DEMOCRATS: “You are very smart! We’ll unquestioningly do everything you tell us then because we’re very smart too!”

So what should we do to stop Democrats and their possible alien-backing? Shout at them at townhalls? Perhaps. Recruit other aliens to even the odds? No, I don’t trust aliens because they look different from me. Make fun of Nancy Pelosi’s face? It is impossible not to do that.

But what we must concentrate on is undermining the power of Barack Obama (does that sound like the name of an alien?). He obviously used alien mind rays to get himself elected, but they are now wearing off and people are starting to say, “Why the hell did we vote for him? He’s a moron and has funny ears.” Whatever Obama asks of you, don’t do it. Show you are independent of aliens. Also, sneeze on him in case he’s an alien and his immune system can’t handle earth bacteria.

Next, we need to win big in the next election. If the Democrats find that destroying America hurts them at the polls, they may remove it from their platform.

Finally, we should hunt down the aliens and give them single-payer health care and watch they all slowly die from government inefficiency. It sounds cruel but it’s what you get for messing with Earth.

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lolbama! Part 20

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Judging by the number of submissions, the baseball pic was a poor choice for captioning. My apologies. Hopefully I chose better for this edition.

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


[reference link]

From Peregrine John:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Billy Dee

From Greg W

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


[reference link]

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Random Thoughts

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The White House believes that while the public loudly protests its health care bill, they’re secretly into it.

When did people who react to a flag pin like a vampire to a cross become the arbiters of patriotism?

Message to black people from pasty liberals: “Your politics must mirror those of a rich, white liberal or you are a bad black person.” They don’t say “bad black person”, though; they use more colorful words.