So “scientists” have studied the possibility of zombie attacks and declared it would most like wipe out all of humanity. They say that unless we strike back quickly, it might “lead to the collapse of civilisation” and perhaps even spread to places not scared of the letter ‘z’.

Of course, I want to see their data and all their assumptions on zombies (do they live forever or do they eventually starve?). Still, I think they should rerun their model but with America having space lasers, giant robots, and dinosaurs armed with rocket launchers. I don’t think zombies could last against our awesomeness in that case.

Also, when are they going to do a scientific model to tell us who would win in a fight between ninjas and pirates?

So Howard Dean recently said Republicans want to “kill the bill and kill the president.” Now you may dismiss this saying that Howard Dean is an unstable moron who shoots his mouth off — like an angrier Biden — but it’s worth considering. If Republicans were plotting to kill Obama, they’d have plenty of opportunity to do so… unless Obama is never bi-partisan and thus never has a reason to meet with Republicans.

Obama is wilier than you thought, huh?

So a seventeen year old girl in Brazil has confessed to killing thirty men with a knife. That’s kinda hard to fathom. Now, I’ve never killed anyone with a knife, but it sounds messy. I bet most people after killing someone with a knife are like, “That was not pleasant. I should not do that again.” But apparently, some people are like, “That was fun. I should find other opportunities to do that.”

Also, the article mentions that just recently in Brazil a TV show host was arrested for arranging killings to boost his rating. What’s going on in Brazil? These two are pretty much Batman-level supervillians as is.

Anyway, I nominate them both for Obama’s death panel.