free helth cair for dum stoopids

dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jues! y u no want free helth cair? how dum stoopid can u bee?

y u so racist agenst obama? is it cuz hees black an ur a dum stoopid? u racist astrotruf dum stoopid angree mobs! u only agenst helth cair cuz u paid off by insurance companees to be racist agenst helth cair. u no even no wut u talk about! u listen to queen dum stoopid sarah palin about death panels. she make dat up out of her stoopid brain. no such thing. she so dum stoopid dat when she go befor helth panel dey weel decide to youthanize her cuz she too dum for guvment to pay for.

y u not listen to obama? y u want bad dum stoopid helth cair ware doctors steel feet and tonsels and giv u expensiv red pill? u too dum too liv if u want dat. helth panel shud decide to youthanize u too!

no. dat too harsh. me sorree. i giv u free check up. me new doctor under helth cair plan. me charg littul an keep cost down. so cum close so i can get a look at u.

uh oh. i see problem. sumting wrong wit ur eyes. it no good. dey have to come out…

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Well, I Could Have Been Worse

Here’s where you can hear from America’s Morning News today. I’m on the second hour about the 28 minute mark. I thought I was okay this time, but I definitely have not mastered the radio appearance.

What to Do with a Terminally Ill Terrorist?

So it ended up the Lockerbie bomber had terminal cancer. Now, if you have a terrorist expected to die in three month, I see basically five option:

1. Laugh at him like Nelson Muntz.

2. Say you’re giving him chemo, but just give him lots lots of laxatives.

3. Do the merciful thing and strap a bomb to him, launch him in the air with a slingshot, and watch him explode.

4. Let him go back to Libya to be greeted as a hero for his savagery… where he explodes from a bomb hidden inside him.

5. Same as option four but no hidden bomb.

Scotland unfortunately went with option five. I say we declare war on them for extreme stupidity that is an insult to all nations who don’t like murder. If you can’t take terrorists seriously, maybe a war is just what you need to serious you up.

And no more letting you try terrorists. We have giant slingshots and explosives here and are ready to use them.

Random Thoughts

It would be funny if it’s revealed the Lockerbie Terrorists transport back to Lybia is a catapult. Ha! Gotcha!

I’m not bearing false-witness about Barack Obama! I really saw him cow-tipping last night!

RiffTrax Live was awesome times a million minus nachos.