“Leave Barack Alone!” Implores Distraught Castro

WASHINGTON (AP) – In a bizarre, rambling internet video, former Cuban President Fidel Castro implored the “extreme right” to stop their constant attacks on American President Barack Obama.

“You’re lucky he even bothers staging town halls for you bastards!”

“How dare anyone out there make fun of Barack after all he’s been through!” wailed a tearful Castro, filming himself beneath a blanket, “His poll numbers are slipping! Fox News won’t even carry his press conferences. He had two kids and his wife turned out to be a political liability who feeds the homeless while wearing $500 sneakers. All you crazy racist right wingers care about is voters and scoring cheap political points off him! He’s a human! What you don’t realize is that Barack’s making the Democrat party a laughing stock and all you do is make a bunch of Joker Socialism posters about him!”

When asked later about his unhinged rantings, a more sedate Castro sheepishly explained that he’d just gotten carried away.

“Look,” he said, “I only meant to say that the extreme right hates him for being African-American. But then I started thinking about the how the racist right will do everything possible to wear him down, the tears flowed, my mascara dripped… not my most Presidential moment. Still, 26 million views on YouTube – TOTALLY worth it!”

Although some pundits speculate that the whole video was staged & scripted to draw attention to a lonely old dictator/attention-whore, Castro reaffirmed that he was deadly serious about defending the American President.

“Leave Barack Obama alone right NOW! I mean it! Anyone who has a problem with him, you deal with ME! Because he’s not doing well getting that bucket off his head.”

26 Comments

  1. Ba-ma-looooo! BA-MA-LOOOOOO! Hey Fred, Lucy sure been acting funny lately. I called the fizzyakeeatrist, but he say he no can see Lucy for a whole jeer! Back in Cuba, they put her in the crazy house right away! Ay, ay, ay – iss juss so ridiculous!

  2. The funny part is, to libs having Castro on your side is actually considered a plus. But then, these are the same idiots that make their life decisions by asking themselves, “What would Che do?”

  3. Castro is just trying to get a job at MSNBC:

    “I don’t have the slightest doubt that the racist right will do everything possible to wear him down, blocking his program to get him out of the game one way or another, at the least political cost,” he said.

    LOL @ 2. Now that is what I call a “bucket list.”

  4. how embarrassing to be from the USA when the people there evidenced by these posts are so ignorant and arrogant and of course obese
    when Cuba is the safest and most literate country in the world
    stupid USA ‘sheeples’
    all you in this post demonstrate your ignorance profoundly
    all be young worthless punks

    no wonder USA is 30th in education worldwide

  5. @11

    Something just occurred to me. People often die trying to flee Cuba for America. But no one is risking death to get to Cuba.

    Hmmm. . . strange. But, I’m sure that doesn’t matter. Obviously Cuba is a paradise that we should all envy.

    (Gag)

  6. Hard to take seriously a man who controls a country that can’t even conquer indoor plumbing. Maybe he should stop worrying about other countries problems and start a vo tec school for plumber, electricians, and construction workers. Nothing says success like tin roofs, outhouses, and rationed toliet paper (for the outside privies)

    I don’t even want to caption the photo, but I wouldn’t shake his hand, ever (who knows where it’s been)!

  7. Dear Harvey,

    I could have gone my entire life without seeing that first link. I almost upchucked my dinner because of you. How do you even know about a train-wreck video like that? Damn it man, have you no decency?

    Sincerely (kind of),
    HCG

  8. HGC – I have no decency that I’m aware of, and I defend my actions by declaring that after 20 million views, any YouTube video automatically qualifies as “a pop-culture reference”.

    Meanwhile, count your blessings that I’ve never linked the “Two Girls, One Cup” video.

    And for heaven’s sake, do NOT Google that on any computer that keeps a browsing history!

  9. Geez, everybody knows only FrnakJ’s primary personality has any decency or couths.

    That’s why the regulars never click “More” when the ‘Harvey’ or ‘spacemonkey’ persona tells you to “look below the fold”.

    Seriously.

  10. That’s a classic youtube video. The first couple times I watched that video, I couldn’t tell if that was a guy or a girl. I’m still not convinced, but other people seem to claim it’s a “guy”.

    And btw, that’s like the definition of a “bizzare, rambling internet video”. Awesome post, Harvey.

    and @11, you’re a dumbass.

  11. Funny how we can be 30th in education but still hold half the world’s patents with five percent of the world’s population. If anything has been invented in Cuba, it’s probably what passes for news in a communist country.

    Not that our education is good, but at least we aren’t singing songs to dear leader with a beard in the classroom, or risking being shoved off to reeducation camps.

    Granted, there’s footage of kids in California during the election singing songs to dear leader Obama, but that’s California – They forgot they were part of America, or the real world, decades ago.

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