If you’re being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck.
Archive of entries posted on 1st September 2009
Lesser Known Effects of Global Warming
As you’ve probably heard, scientists have concluded that global warming is making polar bears smaller. I know what you’re thinking — “Now I’ll finally be able to slap around those stupid polar bears!” — but you have to realize that these changes in the norm adversely affect everything. Here are some things to watch out for:
LESSER KNOWN EFFECTS OF GLOBAL WARMING
* Larger squirrels.
* Tighter face for Nancy Pelosi.
* Gradual increase in length for the American Idol results show.
* Gradual disappearance of orange M&Ms.
* Faster snails.
* Increase in delusions that Obama is smart.
* Bolder barbecue sauces.
* Increase in appearance of sleeves on blankets.
* Whinier hippies.
* Decrease in Mr. T’s pity.
* Increased obscurity in Dennis Miller jokes.
* Bird songs less in tune.
* Phatter beats.
* Less frequent updates on humor blogs.
* More tweeting.
lolterizt! Part 89
This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From silaS marreD (via FailBlog):
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Barb:
From Greg:
[reference link (NSFW)]
From Wendy:
From me (Harvey):
[reference link]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Politician Whisperer
My new Pajamas Media column is up. I decided to apply Cesar Milan’s philosophy about dog to politicians. I think it’s a great idea as politicians are a lot like dogs except for the loyalty part.
Random Thoughts
If the fear is government health care will do nothing while we’re dying, it doesn’t really help to name it after Ted Kennedy.
Get Rich Slow Scheme: Save just one dollar a year and in a million years you’ll be rich! (not adjusting for inflation)
Wife got me the stylish jeans with the pre-worn marks. I feel like such a tool.
I e-mailed the president and got back a response threatening my family if I didn’t keep quiet. I think it was a form letter.
I don’t know how people can just go about their daily lives knowing a collision can theoretically be found for SHA-1 in 2^63 operations.
Why did the military stop using flamethrowers? To be a credible threat, our enemies need to know we’ll set them on fire.
Once Obama’s magnificence eliminates all our problems, brooms standing up by themselves are going to be the lead news stories.
Who ever gave David Brooks the ideas he’s smart? His dry cleaner? Whoever is out there convincing useless people they’re smart, please stop it.
“Jewed” is a recognized Scrabble word? I thought that was a term Cartman made up.
Liberal speak: “organized by the DNC” is “grass roots”
[NOTE: If you’re looking for teh funneh, this post isn’t. Because it’s true. If it was fake, it’s be hilarious. – B]
All the tea parties, all the protests at the town hall meetings, protests outside the offices of Congressmen … What does the DNC call those?
“Astroturf.” You know, appears to be a “grass roots” movement, but isn’t.
Having covered a rally by one of these conservative groups (the Columbus Georgia Tea Party), I’ve seen the hand-made signs and other things done on a budget. The kind of things that are done when individuals, not large organizations, are doing the work.
Still, the Democrats call this fake grass roots — “astroturfing.”
However, when the Democratic Party organizes a rally, it’s “grass roots.”
Last night, the DNC sent a news release out to several in the local media. The Albany (GA) Herald got one, and reported it, including getting a response from an opponent of the proposed health care bill.
A bit closer to where I am, the DNC is planning a pro-health care protest at the Columbus office of Congressman Sanford Bishop (D-GA)
As Members of Congress get ready to head back to Washington, Organizing for America (OFA), a grassroots project of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) dedicated to supporting the President’s agenda for change, will hold a rally Tuesday, September 1, 11:30 a.m. in Columbus outside of U.S. Rep. Sanford Bishop’s office, 18 19th St., highlighting the strong support throughout Georgia for health insurance reform now and the importance of getting it done this year. Ga. Rep. Caroline Hugley will speak.
Yeah, you read that right. A “grass roots project of the DNC.”
And the tea parties are astroturf?
In George Orwell’s 1984, New Speak had “peace is war , love is hate, freedom is slavery…”
In 2009, the Democrats declare that organized is grass roots, and individuals are astroturf.
Seems Orwell was 25 years off.