In my discussion of how to accelerate monkeys to high speed, someone suggested we use the Mexi-Cannon™. One of things people enjoy about IMAO is the intellectual discussions, so please try and think things through, people. The Mexi-Cannon™ is only rated for the firing of Mexicans. If we were to try and fire monkeys out of it, they would most likely just be horribly mangled. While that sounds great, that gets us no closer to colliding them at high speed.

Obviously, a special cannon needs to be designed just for the firing of monkeys. This would be quite an engineering feat as monkeys come in many shapes and sizes. The biggest problem, though, is that monkeys tend to flail about quite a lot when fired through the air. This really throws off the accuracy and makes it very hard to fire two monkeys into each other. And it is not very easily compensated for.

I’ve tried to privately fund this project, but in this economy you don’t make very much money posting video of monkeys flying through the air on YouTube. So I’m going to look into getting stimulus funds. I’ll just tell Obama that the purpose of the Monkey-Cannon™ is to get abortions for poor people, and he should approve the money right away. He’s a numbnut.

One of the disturbing things about the Ft. Hood murders is seeing just how invidious some of our PC instincts have become. There were so many warning signs that Hasan is a crazy jihadist (he even had the initials for “Soldier of Allah” on his business cards), but instead of being thrown out of the military and then shot, no one wanted to do anything out of fear of looking discriminatory. So when people of a certain group do horrific things to Americans, our response apparently is to give that group even less scrutiny.

What the hell?

When someone punches us in the face, our instinct should not be to apologize. We can’t end up like Europe, too unsure to even stick up for itself. Now, it seems to me that the appropriate response from the military right now should not be to assure us diversity will be preserved; that’s secondary and a concern for another day. What they should be doing is vowing that if anyone else in the military is found to have views similar to Hasan, they will be immediately thrown out of the military and gutted like a pig.

Incidentally, one of the things that apparently made Hasan angry was that another soldier ripped an “Allah is love” bumper sticker off of his car. Well, he sure showed him when he shot a pregnant woman in the back.

Ace has an update on his yet unnamed Vegas conference. Sounds like it will be happening, and SarahK and I definitely plan to attend.

I think some of you had some good suggestions for it. One great idea is to get it sponsored by Halliburton. We really want absolutely everything about this conference/party to make liberals’ heads explode.

I had another idea of my own that could make a lot of money: A Charles Johnson dunking booth. Charles Johnson will yell at everyone that they’re crazy extremists to goad them into trying to dunk him. $5 for three shots; I think it will make a ton of money.

Also, I think the conference will be a good time to unveil my new invention: The carbon footprint enhancer. It’s a machine you fill with gasoline and then plug into the wall. It then inefficiently uses electricity to burn the gasoline. It’s great if you have lots of gasoline lying around you want to dispose of. I also plan to make one that burns coal.

So remember to clear your calendar for this. And since I have no idea when it’s supposed to be, that means clearing the entire calendar. Who really likes Christmas anyway?