If we do not learn to respect and honor Science!, global warming is how it will destroy us.
Many people doubt global warming, but it is a scientific fact. Globes have been warmed in a lab. When the earth warms, ice will melt and baby polar bears will die from icelessness. And there will be giant earthquakes and meteor attacks. You may wonder how warming could cause that, but it’s very complicated so just be assured we double-checked the math.
Global warming is caused by greenhouse gases. The biggest contributor is water vapor — but ignore that one; it’s not important. The important one is carbon dioxide. Every animal exhales carbon dioxide when it breathes — which Science! now admits was a design flaw — but carbon dioxide is also produced whenever you do anything fun like drive a race car or watch TV. And if you like reading books, that also makes carbon dioxide some how. This carbon dioxide then traps heat in the air making things warmer. Tons warmer. Like two degrees warmer. And maybe even warmer than that. Like three degrees.
Now, you may say, “But it’s gotten cooler lately.” That’s irrelevant. Science! doesn’t care what you think is happening. Science! cares what Science! says is happening. So even if it’s cooler, its less cooler than it should have been. Which I guess is kinda nice. Though it will kill us all.
And how do we know it will kill us all? Admittedly, there aren’t like falsifiable tests showing doomsday, but all us smart scientists are really sure. As is Al Gore. Also, there are computer simulations showing it will happen; you don’t want to see the condition my Sims are in right now. So there’s like tons of circumstantial Science! that proves it.
Anyway, when global warming really get revving up and starts killing everybody, we’ll be like, “Told you so! You didn’t listen to us, and now you’ve made Science! angry with your defiance! Muh ha ha ha!” One of the best parts of Science! is laughing at people who never listened to you when they suffer the consequences.
Science!
We can not make Science! angry with us. It will stomp on us and growl and release scary Evil Irradiated Monkeys. Algore checked his magic 8-ball today anmd it gave him the latest global warmong stats, Scince! at wirk.
Actually, the warming hoax is from the same clowns, er, traitors, er, group that brought us the bogus nuclear winter hoax back in the eighties. Same hoax, new name. After twenty years it’s mummified corpse is still roamong around. Science! will not be denied.
I like how you made Science! rhyme with defiance! at the end. Exclamation point and all. Awesome!
“Circumstantial Science!” Best term I’ve seen used in a very long time.
“…group that brought us the bogus nuclear winter hoax back in the eighties”
And the new Ice Age proclamations in the late 70s
And the oceans will die (spokesman Danson stated in early 90s) within 10 yrs.
The extinction of sea turtles (plastic bags) in the 90s
Bad, bad nuclear power reactors in the 80s – the Fwench get 95% electrical needs from same
Hyperbole works, right up to the point where only a Dim could continue to believe
The prophecies of Science: There shall, in that time of global warming, be *rumors* of things warming up and going astray, errrm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know whether it is getting warmer or not, or where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers, that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o’clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Algorel that………
zzyzx, what have you got against the birds???
Here’s my plan if and when when doom strikes… Deny my denying ways of the past. Even now I’m starting to forget whether or not I’m a denier, so my plan is to DECLARE VICTORY! and be among those who are saying I TOLD YA SO!. … just like I’m going to be a fan of whoever wins the world series … I’m beating the system YEAH!
This is the Sun! All you losers on planet Earth do whatever! When I feel like it I’m going to belch out like super mega massive gamma ray bursts and fry your stupid little weenie asses anyway. Let’s see how smart your scientists are then! Muwahahahahah! Oh, don’t tell Obama of my plans! He is real scary! NOT!!! Muwhahahahahah!
Oh, and I was going to ask “the big guy” first, but since you smarty pants all think you were a rock that somehow crawled out of the primordial ooze after getting zapped by lighting or something…he said you are on your own!!! Muwahahahahahah!
Frank,
Perhaps you didn’t get the memo:
WE DON’T CALL IT GLOBAL WARMING, ANYMORE!!! $cience! has figured out that since “climate change” can mean just about anything, it is now the official name until we find an even more meaningless vague term.
It’s easy to see why I am a billionaire and you are not.
Al Gore (Nobel Prize winner)
PS: to all you deniers out there, who you gonna believe, science! or your own lying thermometer?
I remember the dread ozone holes over the North and South Pole, that were supposed to make the cute Opus-y penguins and adorable polar bears into carnivorous man-eating radioactive mutants or something, unless we stopped using deodorants and cultivated a new sustainable lifestyle that embraced stinky BO as “genuine” and “funky-fresh”.
Then a couple decades later, Science! realized the six-month-long polar nights might’ve had something to do with the holes, since it’s sunlight that produces ozone. At which point they went said “oops, my bad” and ran out the smelly lecture hall to find a boson, whatever that is.
That stupid sun. It keeps tricking us.
Frank I know this is tongue in cheek humor and all. But…but what if Science really does get mad? I mean it’s okay to joke and poke fun but maybe you should “cool it”. Like it might really mad, really mad. You know?
I do not fear this Science! of yours I will slay it with a wepon liberals have thunk to be mythical the great and mighty Logic(blamo sound efects)
Totally and fully hilarious
“You don’t (even) want to see the condition my Sims are in right now.”
(I added the “even” for effect, Frank.)
Why? Are they hanging out on the clothesline, or something? LOL
Phhh.. Math! mocks your Science! The AP ran a report showing that if you use Math! to show trends like global tempratures from 1993-1998 and from 1998-2005 you would see that global tempratures are getting hotter. Math! does not care that if global warming was a fact there would be no trend of cooling possible. The AP Uses Math! to prove their agenda. Science! is just plain old Science! but Math! is a weapon to be tinkered with and used against our enemies wether it be to prove global warming or prove our dear leader is creating or saving jobs.
http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/ap-impact-statisticians-reject-174088.html
Math!
So global worming is either going to take my money or my life?
Crap, I was saving my money for my old age.
Are they growing oranges in Siberia yet?
Global Warming…no way. Hell is freezing over because the Saints are working their way to the Super Bowl!
“Phhh.. Math! mocks your Science! The AP ran a report showing that if you use Math! to show trends like global tempratures from 1993-1998 and from 1998-2005 you would see that global tempratures are getting hotter. Math! does not care that if global warming was a fact there would be no trend of cooling possible. The AP Uses Math! to prove their agenda. Science! is just plain old Science! but Math! is a weapon to be tinkered with and used against our enemies wether it be to prove global warming or prove our dear leader is creating or saving jobs.
http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/ap-impact-statisticians-reject-174088.html
Math!”
Idiots only use partial data do support a claim. How about you plug in the numbers going back to the Archaean period? Oh wait, you dont have them. So instead you will use partial data to support your claims. Never mind the fact that if Co2 was as dangerous as you claim mars would be a heck of a lot warmer than it is. After all they are only 95.72% Co2. We are what less than 1% Co2 here on earth….. But you know bad math with missing data trumps logic any day of the week in the minds of a Moron…….