If you suspect a co-worker is an android, ask him to pat his head and rub his belly at the same time. Androids can’t do that, because they don’t make them with dual-processors. And it’s good to know if someone is an android, because then you can steal his lunch without feeling guilty.
Archive of entries posted on 4th January 2010
Top Ten Ideas from Obama to Keep Us Safe on Airplanes
While I was on vacation, apparently there was an attempted terror attack where a terrorist tried to blow up a plane with his underwear. Lucky for America, he failed, but who knows what will happen in the future? No worries, though, because Obama is on the case with some new plans to keep us safe.
TOP TEN IDEAS FROM OBAMA TO KEEP US SAFE ON AIRPLANES
10. Remind the world that he is now president and that everybody likes him.
9. Increase recycling programs.
8. Have a midnight basketball program for terrorists to keep them occupied with things other than terror.
7. Spend some time really reflecting on why people want to blow us up with their underwear.
6. Give terrorists some empty planes to blow up to help their self-esteem.
5. Enact a five day waiting period for underwear.
4. Finally find bin Laden so we can hand him a written apology for American imperialism.
3. Pass health care reform.
2. New policy: Free pie after your flight, but only if you don’t blow up the plane.
And the number one idea from Obama to keep us safe on airplanes…
Blame Bush.
Religious War
So on FOX News Sunday yesterday, Brit Hume recommended that Tiger give up his Buddhism and become a Christian to seek redemption. This kind of stood out to people, as I guess the rule in polite society is we’re supposed to mindlessly treat all religions as equal (“Islam means peace!”) because it’s just mean to do otherwise. I’m not quite sure how we arrived at that conclusion, but I wonder if it’s really a good idea. I’m all for government being secular, but why can’t the rest of society be a free for all? Picking a system of morality is a big deal, and I’d like to hear more people explain why they chose one over another. Wouldn’t it be great if a reporter put Obama on the spot and said, “You chose to become a Christian. So what advantages does Christianity have over Islam?”
What do you think his answer would be?
I Guess “Raiders” Wasn’t Released in Kenya
In America, “bringing a knife to a gunfight” is a punchline.
For Islamic terrorists, it’s a battle plan.
The suspect was charged with two counts of attempted murder Saturday after breaking into artist Kurt Westergaard’s home armed with an ax and a knife on Friday night. He denied the charges at the court hearing.
Westergaard – one of 12 Danish artists whose cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad outraged the Muslim world in 2006 – escaped the attack by fleeing to a specially made safe room and alerting police. Police shot the Somali man in the hand and knee.
Random Thoughts
Obama is always asking, “Let me be clear.” What happens if we don’t let him?
The two-party system is inadequate. I need to party every single night! Yeah, baby! Yeah!
They should make the adult Ralphie from A Christmas Story a character on Mad Men.
Most renditions of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer leaves out the second verse where he goes ax-crazy.
God will strike you down if you say there is a greater Lord than Him or a greater sitcom than Arrested Development.
Attention videogame makers: I don’t care about realistic inventory limits. I don’t want to spend half the game managing my inventory. Inventory management is fine if it were a supermarket simulator, but not so much when killing zombies or goblins.
I guess it’s time to finally ask: What exactly is the legend about Zelda?
Know what would be a great team up? Sherlock Holmes and Dirty Harry.
Many on the left are saying distasteful things about Rush?!! And you say you saw a dog bite a man?!!
They should do a sequel to League of A Their Own where there’s another World War and women have to take over football.
I hope the Arrested Development movie is so full of in-jokes that it’s completely indecipherable to anyone who hasn’t seen the series.