Reader Johnny I sent this in to help support the Unnamed Republican:
The ultimate candidate.
He’d go town to town giving speeches and anonymously punching hippies, and the Democrats would be on his tail trying to find out who he is so they could get dirt on him. But there would be no stopping him, so the Democrats would try their own masked candidate but everyone would know from the lisp it was Barney Frank.
“I’ve called this 568th prime time address of my presidency because I think there are some important things I still need to explain to you, the American people. Job losses continue, and unemployment stays at 10%. Also, it appears that terrorism remains a grave concern. I know all of you want me to focus completely on these issues, but let me be clear: This isn’t about you.
“Who was elected president? That’s right: I was. Me. Me me me me me. Ego — that’s Latin for ‘I’. That’s why we’re focusing on things I care about like big social programs like health care and environmental issues like cap & trade. I tried to tie those into the issues you care about claiming they’ll help the economy and create jobs, but I know none of us really believe that so I’m just going to stop with that. Instead, I’m going to be frank with you and say that I don’t care about the economy and I don’t care about terrorism.
“Terrorism and job losses are hold over from the Bush years. If you have a problem with them, go ask him to solve them… or Cheney — he still seems to care. I don’t. I never did. For one thing, unemployment is carbon neutral; why would I want to harm the environment by seeing people go back to work? And I don’t even believe in terrorism; I think that’s just something Bush, Cheney, and Haliburton made up. This whole ‘Islamic extremism’ thing just doesn’t seem real. Have you even read the Quran? It looks pretty made up. So I don’t know why you expect me to do something about this made up problem. I thought I made it pretty clear I don’t care about it at all when I appointed Janet Napalitano as Secretary of Homeland Security.
“So, in conclusion, shut up shut up shut up. Stop bothering me with your stupid problems. I don’t care. I have my progressive agenda to do, and that’s what I’m doing. And stop making fun of me because I walked into a window the other day. Everyone is saying I don’t know the difference between a door and a window and I’m stupid, but that is false. I just couldn’t see clearly because I had a bucket stuck on my head, so you’re the stupid ones.
“Thank you.”
Obama is blaming the need for him to take responsibility on Bush
Apparently, Napolitano was surprised by the fact that modern aerodynamics knowledge is used to make heavier than air vehicles fly.
When that guy was running for the quarterback, someone should have gotten in his way. Texas didn’t properly screen him
Man, a “musburger” does not sound very appetizing.
A robot should hand out the award for the national championship in honor of the computers that helped pick them.
No reason for Alabama to play BSU as computer sims say they’d easily win, though afterward they’d drown from the ice caps melting.
