Archive of entries posted on 11th January 2010

Cleaning up your language. Sort of.

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Too many people use bad language. And I’ve been guilty of that. And it’s wrong. But what does one do about it?

Many people who use bad language do it under extreme circumstances, not as a matter of normal language. Sure, some people use profanity as every other word, it seems. But not everyone is that way. But, sure, extreme circumstances do occur.

There are some common words and phrases that some people will use instead of the … more colorful metaphors. Think about these that are close in sound to similar vulgar phrases:

  • Oh, heck
  • Darn it!
  • Son of a gun
  • Frikkin’
  • Oh, shoot!

There are other phrases that don’t aren’t as close to profanity, but can be used in situations where profanity might otherwise be used:

  • Heavens to Betsy!
  • Holy Cow!
  • Jeepers

Can you use these today? Sure. But they are a little lame.

However, we can come up with other phrases that might be useful as alternatives to profanity … and still express just how strongly you feel about something.

A while back, I noticed that it’s common for really bad drivers to have Obama bumper stickers. And when I encounter a really bad driver, I want to call them something horrible. Then, it occurred to me: is there anything worse than being called an Obama voter?

“Obama voter” is about as vulgar as you can get. Try it some time. When an idiot cuts you off in traffic or speeds across three lanes just to come to a complete stop in front of you, call them an “Obama voter.” It feels good to relieve that frustration … and it’s quite probably true.

And, “Obama voter” is a term of profanity fits pretty much any situation:


Frankly, my dear, I don’t give an Obama vote.


I’m as mad as an Obama voter, and I’m not going to take this anymore!


Take your stinking paws off me, you Obama-voting dirty ape!


Don’t you Obama-votin’ look at me!


Yippie kay-yay, Obama-voter.


I have had it with these Obama-voting snakes on this Obama-voting plane!


Now I want you to remember that no Obama-voter ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb Obama-voter die for his country!

See? “Obama voter” is an acceptable way of saying a very, very bad thing.

I’m sure there are more ways this or other phrases can be used and fit the situation … help us clean up our language.

IMAO Reader Theater: “D-nozzle”

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Inspired by Elwin, who was inspired by Robot Theater, Corona is taking a stab at this whole Xtranormal video thingy.

“D-nozzle”

(Caution: contains the word “douche”, but on the bright side, it doesn’t contain the word “Negro”.)


[YouTube direct link]

Anyway, I’m sensing a trend here, so if anyone else wants to take a hippie-punch at it, send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.

Question of the Day

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What three issues should the Republicans campaign on this year?

Here’s my idea:
1) The military needs more things that shoot lasers.
2) A right to fried foods should be in the Constitution.
3) Hippies should be deported to Yemen.

What do you think?

Those Old, Racist Democrats

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So is the Democratic Party full of creepy old racists? That’s what the evidence points to. Already creepy Harry Reid apparently approved of Barack Obama because he’s “light-skinned” and doesn’t speak “Negro dialect”; you know, he’s not one of “those” black people. In the Democrats’ minds, there are certain groups of minorities who the Democrats think should just be thankful they have Democrats giving lip-service to them, but they shouldn’t ever try to lead. It seems pretty condescending, but it is how Democrats have firmed up their base for some time now.

Of course, the Democrats have all rallied behind Harry Reid because without condescending racism, there really isn’t a Democratic Party. Obama even defended Reid, saying, “I know exactly what black people Reid was talking about, and we certainly would never run one of them as a candidate for president. Senator Byrd would have a heart attack.” And Nancy Pelosi added, “This controversy is ridiculous. And, frankly, I think Obama is too dark-skinned, but whatcha gonna do.” The DNC also stated that their black members were okay with it, “though it’s hard to know exactly what they’re saying with their slang and the loud rap music they’re always playing.”

According to Ted Kennedy (who murdered a woman), Bill Clinton also apparently said about Obama: “A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee.” I’ll give Clinton the benefit of the doubt, though, and assume he was talking about Obama’s inexperience and not his race. And no one he’s raped ever mentioned him saying anything racist.

Murders, rapists, and racists — the Democratic leadership could use some work. But the Republicans tend to allow a lot of spending on pork, and that’s bad too.

Random Thoughts

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My new nickname for Obama was going to be “Mr. Dummy” but I decided that was disrespectful so instead it’s “President Dummy.”

They killed off the Daily Bugle in the comics. I wonder how much longer the Daily Planet has?

I hope Boise State’s trick plays next year involve disguises.

In this day and age, I still expected Obama to face some ignorant racism… just not from the Senate Majority Leader.

Democrats don’t care about black people.

If Steven Wright hadn’t been doing stand up so many years, I’d swear his act was just him reading off his Twitter feed.

If you’ve never watched The Office deleted scenes, it’s like they film an hour long show each time and cut it to a half-hour.

The Daily Caller

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I’m still not quite sure what Tucker Carlson’s The Daily Caller is and whether it will explain what exactly he hoped to accomplish by wearing a bow tie, but it opens today and Jim Treacher has a blog there — The DC Trawler. Go over and say hi to him.

Fourth Mosque Hit by Firebombs Over ‘Jesus’ Ban

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(by IMAO field reporter macmanus)

Take that, blasphemers!

DEARBORN, MICHIGAN (AP) — Officials say a fourth mosque has been hit by firebombs in Michigan amid a growing dispute in the country over the use of the word “Jesus” by non-Christians.

Imam Mustafa bin Lokawi says two firebombs were believed to have been thrown at his Islamic Center Shi’te Mosque early Saturday but missed the glass windows, hitting the building wall instead.

He says mosque members discovered two burned patches on the building wall at midday and found glass splinters on the ground. He said there was no damage to the mosque in the Detroit suburb.

The incident occurred a day after three other mosques were attacked by firebombs.

Many Christians are angry about a Dec. 31 court decision overturning a government ban on Muslims referring to Jesus as “A prophet of Allah“.

Tolerance of Terrorists

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My new Pajamas Media column explores whether we are dropping into old, racist habits in our treatment of terrorists.